Nicks new home! He stayed in for three hours and swam about 25 laps. We had to drag him away. And after only two days in the pool we are both way too tan. It’ll be long sleeves and sombreros from now on, until we transition to an indoor pool during winter.
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All posts for the month September, 2011
Guess who’s back?!!! Nick Fener is ready to reclaim his body, his health and his life! After a hellish week in the hospital, he’s finally in the pool, working out and livin’ it up.
Baked wild-caught salmon with lemon, garlic and tomatoes, fresh lightly sautéed zucchini and yellow squash, cous cous and fresh chilled coconut water. Bon appetit and Cheers to a new, healthy life!
We’ve been home from the hospital for almost 48 hours, and I’m just now okay enough to write again. Nick has said that those seven days were worse than the initial two months we spent in the hospital. It was one of the most frustrating ordeals I’ve ever been through. I felt helpless, unheard, angry, extremely fatigued and just plain crazy. Sleep and food deprivation will do that to you. Nick didn’t eat anything (but a shitty Jello cup, which is a disgusting non-food anyway) for 7 days. And here I am complaining that I didn’t eat dinner for three nights in a row. I’m a very hands-on person with Nick’s care, so I usually do as much as I can when he’s in the hospital, trying to rely on the nurses and nurse assistants as little as possible. But there were moments where I just could not drag myself up out of the chair to help him. There were also moments when my help alone just couldn’t get the job done. There were lots of those moments.
The last 36 hours of our hospital stay was quite possibly one of the most disgusting experiences I’ve ever had. It’s a good thing I am so unbelievably in love with this man because it was in those last 36 hours that all of the blockages finally gave way. And for the sake of our friends and loved ones and Nick’s dignity, I’ll just leave it at that.
We didn’t drive away from the hospital until 11pm that evening. This, of course, was after sitting and waiting for the doctor to sign the discharge orders for half the day And in our new efforts to eat a healthier diet, I had to stop for some groceries on the way home. This put us home right at midnight, as I suspected would happen.
We each slept for about 11 hours, and spent the entire next day in bed. I only got up to make some juice and serve some soup a friend brought over in a Crock Pot. It felt like the world punched me in the face, then kneed me in the gut. I could have sworn I was sick all day yesterday. Seven days of peaked-out stress and exhaustion, mixed with a little panic and a lot of disdain, just hit me all at once. So, we didn’t end up losing 8 days of our lives, we lost 9.
Now, that’s enough of the whining and bitching. Let’s move onto what we learned. The biggest thing we both took away from this horrible experience is that we NEVER want it to happen again. EVER! It is clear that immediate, long-term action is required on our part to assure Nick’s health and sanity is never compromised in this way again. Although given no significant help or advice from any doctors or nurses in this arena, we have decided to dramatically change Nick’s diet. No more steaks, no more burgers or cheese, no more all-you-can-eat anything, no more processed foods. His (and my) diet will revolve around raw (and cooked) veggies and fruit, fresh juices, whole grains and fish. I don’t care how much effort and planning this takes or how much it affects our social life, it will be worth it. He was so clogged up, and he just can’t afford to ever let that happen again.
Today we woke up ready to take on the world! We both felt great. It took us ages to really get rolling, but there was nothing to be in a hurry for anyway. Since Nick’s stumps have finally healed, we decided to celebrate today, the first day of the rest of our lives, by going swimming. I think we have found Nick’s wonder drug. I’m not kidding. After two hours of paddling and kicking around in the pool, swimming slow laps and ”walking” in place, he felt loose and healthy. In fact, for the first time since his accident, when we came home he hung out with me in the kitchen in his wheelchair while I made dinner. His pain level was only a 1 out of 10, even though he was sitting upright. The most incredible part of this all? He only took two pain pills about an hour BEFORE we left for the pool, and took none during or after. Once we finished dinner, he immediately showered and was still only at a pain level of 1, even though he was on the uncomfortable shower chair. We are both in awe of this beautiful phenomenon. It is completely unusual and unheard of. It appears as if Nick just needs to decompress in a neutrally buoyant environment and get his blood flowing. See, swimming is his wonder drug!
We’ve been waiting months for this moment today, when Nick could get in the water and be free. And sadly, swimming was nearly compromised for him when he took a nasty spill from his wheelchair on the way to the pool. It scared the shit out of me. He approached a dip in the road wrong, tried to catch something from falling off his lap, and went face first onto the hot asphalt. Actually, it was stumps first, then knees, hands and a beautiful PLF (parachute landing fall) onto his back. That hurt him so bad. A terrified onlooker came running and helped me pick him up and put him back in his chair. Once we all gained a bit of composure, I pulled down his stump shrinker sock to inspect the damage. Sure enough, a huge piece of skin, directly over the end of the bone, along the scar line, was scraped off and bleeding. How did this happen through two layers of socks? Nick was certain it was worse. I guess it felt much worse. Imagine if he hadn’t been wearing the shrinkers, the bone may have gone right through. That would have been a 3-4 month set back. Even with just the minor damage, this might still prove to be a set back. He has a fitting appointment for his prosthetics this coming Tuesday. We will still go, and just hope they can still do the fitting even though he has some open skin. I saw the entire fall, and there was nothing I could do. It happened so fast, and my hands were completely full. That’s why Nick was helping me by carrying my purse on his lap. Guess we won’t be doing that again either. We are just so grateful it’s not worse. It’s not so bad escaping a fall like that with only some broken skin, a bruised ego and a moderate amount of pain.
I couldn’t possibly be happier than I am right now. At my home, with my honey, laying in our plush bed, cuddling and enjoying this highly anticipated moment. We just lost a week of our lives. Gone. But not without learning a few lessons along the way. So I guess not all is lost.
Tomorrow we will be sleeping and resting and probably doing more sleeping. Then after that we’ll probably just go back to sleep. We are both burnt to a crisp after this week. Need a little time to recover and remember we’re human again.
Nick didn’t sleep even one minute last night. And my sleep was awful as well. Today is going to be rough. But he is amped and ready to eat food and get the F outta here!
With a partial bowel obstruction, flatulence and bowel movements are cause for excitement and celebration around here. And we were definitely partying earlier. We are finally winning at The Waiting Game. He’s also held down quite a few sips of water today. I am so happy!
Then, there was shift change. Nick only had one legitimate nightmare nurse after his accident, and somehow, some way, we got him again tonight. I just cannot believe it! I forgot how terrible he is. But now that I’m reminded, he will never ever be Nick’s nurse again. I dare the hospital to put him with Nick tomorrow night. There will be hostile opposition. Earlier he hurt Nick very badly while messing with his IV. It wouldn’t be that bad if he didn’t think it was a funny joke. Then, while still sorting out the issue, I caught him lying to Nick, and watched him bump up the drip speed as he was saying he was diluting it. When I called him out for it, he just laughed and then fixed it back. We just told him to beat it. If it wasn’t so damn late, and we weren’t so damn exhausted, we would have demanded another nurse immediately. Oh, and you can’t understand a word he says. He speaks jumbled and rambling nothingness through a very thick accent. Ugh, now I’m rambling and complaining too. At least I have love and hope, and no matter what this jokester does to rattle my brain, he can never take that away.
Wanting to go home tomorrow, but we are not getting our hopes up. Nick still has to prove he can hold liquids down, then soft foods. He’s beginning to feel hungry again, and food smells good again. These are excellent signs of improvement. Now we just have to push it a little further.
I have gained so much inspiration these past four days. Inspiration to be healthy. I have witnessed the sickness and disease that I choose to actively prevent and avoid. Not only did I watch a very touching documentary called “Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead”, but we are in the thick of our second emergency room visit this week. There are sick people everywhere. They’re lining the hallways and laying in every bed. They’re visibly sick. The kind of sick that accumulated from a lifetime of poor decisions relating to health. Smoking, processed foods, fried foods, drugs, alcohol, Coca Cola. I have already made huge changes to my lifestyle these past two months, but this is exactly the boost I needed to commit myself fully to gaining and maintaining my peak health and fitness. I only wish there were more examples to look up to, rather than to turn away from. But hey, this is America in 2011 after all.
Two ER’s in one week. Boy, we’re really on a roll here! If I wasn’t living this experience, I would never believe it! We got so fed up at the previous hospital, we left, against the doctor’s orders, and drove straight to another hospitals emergency department. We did not pass GO, we did not collect $200. We did this after wasting four days getting lousy service, an ambiguous care plan (at best) and outdated testing procedures. Nick began to get better, then got worse, and is now hovering in limbo, not drinking anything at all but having intermittent stomach pains anyway.
We were so worried that he would end up miserable for hours sitting in the waiting room, but were ushered right in, given a bed and immediate treatment. How refreshing! We also got out of the last place rather smoothly. From the moment we told them we were leaving, until Nick had a bed in the new ER, was only one hour and fifteen minutes. That includes the thirty minute drive! The last place was a desolate ghost town; this place is buzzing with activity. We feel better already.
They’re admitting him for the night, likely the next few nights, until they figure out what’s really going on.
It’s 2am. Doctors make their rounds at 5am. Will be sleeping in a chair for the next few hours.
Today has been one of those days where you think that at any minute you’re going to wake up and the nightmare will be over. Instead of going home tomorrow, we will be here several more days. Waiting. Just waiting for the blockage to clear. They say the test from yesterday showed a partial bowel obstruction near where his spleen used to be. Then he got sick again today, throwing up, nausea and intense stomach pains. No more liquids or anything by mouth again. Might put the NG tube back in his nose tomorrow. I just can’t believe how things are turning in the wrong direction now. They’re saying it’s just going to take time to clear the blockage… or they will have to do it surgically. We’re not doing anymore surgeries, ESPECIALLY this one. Doing a surgery to fix adhesions, that are caused by surgeries, will only cause more adhesions. He’ll end up in a viscious cycle. No way!
So then(!) they did another random Xray tonight, after the vomit episodes, and found nothing. No blockage, all clear. What the fuck!? Ok, then let’s work to find an explanation for what’s going on. He is seeing a Gastroenterologist tomorrow. Maybe this guy will have some insight. We wanted to see him tonight, but “it’s 4:00pm on a Saturday night, and doctors need their time off too.” Yes, one of the doctors actually said that to me while Nick was throwing up.
We are both in a flurry of bummed out, fired up, fed up, exhausted confusion. I was actually finding peace in our new journey until they pulled this Xray bullshit tonight. Now my heart just hurts. Who and what should we trust? Should we transfer to another hospital or just calm down? Then when we found a completely new problem with Nick tonight, and the nurses refused to call the doctors because they want to monitor it through the night, I just became pissed. Tomorrow had better bring some clarity to Nicks condition or I’m going Postal on this place.
Slumber party! Night two. I just laid out my spacious Tempurpedic cot next to his fancy air mattress hospital bed, popped some gourmet popcorn and set up my pedicure caddy to do each others toenails while we gossip about Madonna’s latest fashion. We may not be home, but at least we’re together.
Nick made huge headway today. The tube is out of his nose! What a relief. And he was cleared to have clear liquids. Jello and Sprite would certainly not be my first choice, but that’s what he wanted. They went down and stayed down just fine. We still haven’t spoke to the Doc yet about the results of the test. They’re not very communicative around here. We will definitely badger him tomorrow. And speaking of tomorrow, that’s when we plan to go home. The powers-that-be just don’t know that yet. We will start first thing in the morning addressing the issues that need resolved in order to go home (IV’s, catheter, eating solid food, etc). We’ve both had enough of this shit.
And of course, wouldn’t you know, Nick I-know-somebody-everywhere-I-go Fener recognized his evening nurse… from High School! It’s a really nice feeling making that connection. She’s taking excellent care of us both.
Poor Nick. He just can’t catch a break. He’s not doing so well today. Three nights with no sleep, no food, lots of pain, stuck in a fucking hospital bed again with an uncomfortable tube up his nose and needles in his arms. Reality feels a little like prison right now for him. Although I slept next to him last night, I crashed out hard after two nights of no sleep, so I wasn’t able to really be there for him at all while he was anxious, sleepless and uncomfortable all night. He just couldn’t find a good position and kept getting tangled up in the blankets, tubes and cables all over him. At one point they gave him something for sleep, and I played soothing music for him on my phone, but it didn’t really help.
But at this very moment I have good news. He’s FINALLY asleep right now. I’ve been fighting off the nursing staff for the last hour so he can continue sleeping undisturbed.
This morning they began running the test we’ve been waiting for. They put some contrast fluid down the NG tube and then began taking Xrays every 15 minutes to track it’s progress through his GI tract. They’re trying to locate and determine the nature of the blockages. They’re now doing an Xray every hour to track it.
Well, I reported too soon I guess. Nurse just came in to start a new IV. We can’t wait to go home again.
And… we’re officially back in the hospital again. So much for being asleep in our own bed by sunrise. Up all night, two days in a row, fucking sucks.
Last night they suspected another urinary tract infection, but immediately ruled it out after doing a urine culture test. Then they did a contrast CT to check his intestines for blockage. Guess what? I’ve been right all along! A little too right. He has obstructed intestines and also adhesions. After four months of “issues” with this, and two abdominal surgeries, I finally hear the term adhesion. After doing some research this morning, I find that almost every person who has abdominal surgery develops adhesions. Not a single person mentioned that to us during our journey. Sometimes adhesions can twist and pull the intestines causing blockage. Adhesions are scar tissue that develop between the organs/intestines in the abdomen during and after surgery. This makes perfect sense! This, coupled with the narcotics and initial trauma. Sounds like we can dismiss food poisoning from the sushi he had the night before.
As of now he is doing slightly better. They stuck an NG tube up his nose that goes into his stomach to suck out the juices. It’s very uncomfortable. He still has a bad stomach ache, but at least the hurling has stopped.
It’s amazing how deep I can dig when I absolutely have to. There is nothing, I mean nothing that I wanted to do less tonight than go back to the hospital. But after 24 hours of being severely physically ill, Nick decided we had no other choice but to call an ambulance and get him attended to. I hate the way hospitals feel, and smell and sound. And now, we are taking the scenic tour of our fifth hospital in four months. So far, it’s better than San Bernardino, so I guess that’s a win????
The fire guys found our house and got to us so quickly I couldn’t believe it. When the first guy walked into our bedroom, he immediately honed in on the bottle of prescription pain killers on Nicks bedside table. He picked it up and said, “what’s this?” Initially, Nick was so tangled in his blanket, they couldn’t see his obvious damage. Once they saw his legs and abdomen scars they immediately changed their tune. They were in and out in a matter of minutes, moving quickly yet gently to transport Nick.
And now here we are, just hanging out in the ER. I’m hoping and praying for this to be a quickie trip; fixed up and back in bed by sunrise.
What a terrible 24 hours. Last night I didn’t feel very good, but took some vitamins and went to sleep hoping for the best. At 1:00am I woke up to Nick propped up on his side, hugging the trash can, spitting and heaving. This went on hourly until 11am. I have never seen so much puke in all of my life. All night long he was sick and I was cleaning up after him. I used all our towels and even had to do laundry at 4am. By noon he stopped vomiting and was just left with a cramping stomach, hot and cold flashes and achy legs. Things were going much better through the afternoon. He even started drinking some fluids. Then it started again. He just isn’t holding down fluids. Tried some soup broth; so far so good. I feel incredibly helpless. All I can do is just be present and comfort him. Last night he wouldn’t even let me touch him. Just had to watch and clean up.
Tonight I am not feeling good again. Achy. I hope we can both just sleep this off. Had to cancel an appointment today and one tomorrow morning. He’s so miserable. He sure doesn’t deserve this.
Today marks four months since the day of Nicks accident. You know what they say… Time flies when you’re having fun! Simply put, life is getting easier. But don’t get me wrong, I am so ready for this all to be over and behind us. It’s just a matter of patience, acceptance and positive perspective now.
We are both exhausted tonight, me in particular. I’ve already dozed off twice since beginning to write this brief post. So… Good night y’all!
We need to stretch more. A lot more. Nicks poor legs are so tight; he’s got the flexibility of a little old man, or at least an injured dude. When he is laying on his back, and I’m holding one leg up, trying to keep his knee straight, it doesn’t quite get to 90 degrees. And it’s very painful if I move too far, too fast. His left leg is much better off than his right. His right knee has the slightest bend in it, and I’m always working to straighten it as much as possible. Now that his walking date is so near, we have to be focusing on his flexibility so much more. Just sitting up straight with his legs forward on the table is a killer stretch for him right now.
Laser, round four today. There is a noticeable difference in the color of the scar on his back. The doc has been using the laser only half way up his long scar, and you can really see the difference. The treated half is significantly lighter and softer. Nick doesn’t care what the scars look like, but just the fact that we see visible change is a great sign of internal changes as well. He’s having two more sessions this week, then five more over the following two weeks. Seriously wanting some pain reduction from this.
Nick’s in absolute heaven on a day like today. With an excuse like football to lay around on the couch all day, yelling at the TV, who wouldn’t be happy? Hope he enjoys this rest time while he has it, because in three short weeks he will be cleared (hopefully) to be getting upright again. Then his new legs will be coming in a week later.
We’re not exactly counting down the days, but every fiber of life seems to revolve around this important event. In my mind, I’m either referring to B.F or A.F. Before Feet or After Feet. For example… In 2011 B.F., Nick Fener could spend an entire day laying on the couch watching American football on the tele. In 2011 A.F., Nick Fener could hardly remember what the inside of his own home looked like because he was always “on the run”. Yeah, that’s pretty much how it goes in my head.
We have had a fantastic weekend with our friends, resting and eating and laughing non-stop. This is the good stuff found at the core of every truly happy person. I’m not saying life should be easy; just happy. During the football marathon, my friend Kimberly helped me with a special project close to my heart. I’ve been wanting to frame the picture collages that were up in Nicks hospital rooms and hang them in our home. At the time, those pictures served to keep us moving forward, portraying the fun times we were working hard to return to. Now, they will be a subtle reminder of how far we’ve come. Almost done, they have turned out great! I’m so proud of both the finished product, and the memories they stir up. We have always had many pictures of friends and family on our walls, and now we have twice as many!
Every adversity, every unpleasant circumstance, every failure, and every physical pain carries with it the seed of an equivalent benefit.
–Napoleon Hill, You Can Work Your Own Miracles
Truthfully, our “house guests from hell” are really anything but. The joke started because they rented a hotel room to “give us our space”, even though we invited them to fly down and stay the weekend with us. Let’s just say we won (duh) and they gaffed off the hotel room to stay here.
We got a really slow start this morning, but made up for it by spending three relaxing hours at the pool in Canyon Lake. I am baffled at why I’ve never been there before. With stunning views of the lake; countless chairs and shady spots; and a massive sized pool; it’s such a neat place to be. As soon as the four of us got settled into our chairs, facing out at the glistening lake, we all immediately crashed for a mid afternoon siesta. We woke refreshed and feeling good. Meanwhile, the young life guard played an entire Jimmy Buffet album over the pool area’s stereo system. I hopped into the pool to get my blood flowing. I haven’t swam or even been submerged in water in about a year. How sad! I took my time to enjoy the sensations of moving water across my skin. I kept imagining how Nick will feel when he finally gets to swim. Pure, weightless, fluid body movement. That’s what he needs right now to rehabilitate his damaged legs and back. Daily.
The view from Nicks lounge chair at the pool today. Oh, and proof that the incessant foot jokes never get old. The weather is just too perfect right now to spend a beautiful day indoors. Like Nick says, “I’d be just as uncomfortable laying on the couch”. We just have to drag a giant coushioned lounge pad with us everywhere. No big deal!
There is a distinct beauty in gathering different friends together from various parts of our lives. It’s like a colorful melting pot of Brett Michaels meets Michael Jackson meets George Michael. This rarely happened prior to Nick’s accident, now it is becoming common place. This weekend we are again visited by The Azaabajian’s. We really didn’t want anyone staying with us again, but since they invited themselves, we feel obligated to let them sleep here. And since they’re not very fun people, it really is such a chore having them around. In fact, the whole house is quiet as a monastery because we are afraid to piss them off. If you say one wrong thing around them they get violent. So, we are pretty much prisoners in our own home this weekend, with uninvited guests who are verbally abusive and painfully unfunny. We demanded that they stay in a hotel but they refused and are camping out in our guestroom, dirtying up our sheets. We even offered to pay for their hotel. Nope. And they even told me that I’ll be cleaning their room each morning while they’re out having breakfast. We might get a room for ourselves tomorrow night and ditch them if they don’t stop making Nick cry with tasteless foot jokes.
Today was incredibly successful in every facet. Nick experimented by taking minimal pain meds, and came out relatively okay. He literally cut his normal amount by half. This is huge, especially since he was upright a lot today.
We finally had the first appointment with the K-laser. What a neat experience. He got to lay on his belly, with his face straight down in a face cradle; he loved it. Usually when he is on his stomach, his neck is tweaked to the side, making it barely comfortable. This was totally relaxing for him. The actual length of time with the laser was a brief nine minutes, so it was quick and easy. It’s a high powered laser with a multitude of settings and applications. They’re using it on a “pain relief” setting. Not sure what that really means, but that’s the desired result. We bought a package of 10 treatments and will be going about three times a week. I can’t wait to find out if Nick experiences results from this. It’s definitely worth a try though.
We also stopped by the dropzone this afternoon to see some friends and have lunch. My real motive though was to get my rig sorted out so I can jump this week. The sky is calling my name, so we will be heading out there later this week for me to do a jump or two.
What I consider to be the biggest “WIN” today is really simple. Usually, once we are home for the evening, Nick gets comfortable on the couch and stays there until bed time unless we have friends over. Well, tonight, he got up and went out to eat with me. Just because. It’s subtle, but significant. At the end of the day he felt good enough to leave the house for no real reason. I could have brought food home, but he decided to go with me. He had had a big day already at this point, but that didn’t stop him. I am so proud. I just love these little signs of healing and returning to normalcy.
Speaking of returning to normalcy, we were discussing this over dinner tonight. I can’t wait until this is all behind us, when we can say, “remember when…” But Nick was quick to remind me that we are “having a lot of good times anyway.” How true. We have been having some serious fun together lately, just laughing and hanging out, seeing our friends and playing with the doggies. Just living the journey. That’s all we can do really. Why fight it?
Nick giving his speech at “Feet for Fener”. He doesn’t have much experience with public speaking but did an awesome job! Thank you for the awesome shot Al Nocita, auctioneer extraordinaire!
Skydiving is good for the soul. It’s a proven, verifiable fact. I got to do two awesome, totally random, comfortable, fun jumps today. Thank you Cassie and Niklas. See, totally random! I wasn’t even nervous. I anticipated that I would be, but was relieved not to be. I want that “automatic” feeling back. But after today I think that maybe it never left.
Nick had a great experience at the dropzone as well. He laid on a thick cushion lounge chair outside on the grass, under a giant shady tree. Watching the parachutes land and feeling the breeze on his skin is very therapeutic for him. We might make a weekly ritual out of this. It’s nice to be social with all our pals, at our home-away-from-home. He just can’t wait to jump again. Patience honey, you’ve got a long way to go. We’ll just take it one step at a time until then.
One of my favorite pictures from “Feet for Fener”. I seriously love this guy! Thanks for the awesome shot Karen Lewis!
I caught Nick doing the funniest thing in his sleep today. He was laying on his back, napping on the couch (big surprise) and had his hands clasped across his chest. He was moving his first fingers up and down, back and forth. At the same time he was wrinkling and distorting his face, scrunching his eyebrows and moving his mouth side to side. I wasn’t quick enough to get video, but the visual will last a lifetime. Turns out he was dreaming about exactly that: moving his fingers and making silly faces. It’s got to be the drugs!
Round two of laser treatment was today. Nothing dramatic is happening yet, except that his scar tissue on his back and butt is noticeably softer. I guess that’s a good thing.
Nicks fortune cookie. He doesn’t need a cookie to convince him to be bold and daring! Mine didn’t have a fortune. I guess I’m fortune-less.
I guess narcotic dreams are vivid and infinite. In fact, Nick says he usually begins dreaming even before he falls asleep. I love waking in the morning to hear what happened that last night in Nicks world. Mostly he can’t remember, but when he does it’s always a funny concoction that only his subconscious mind could make up. I think he said something about a unicorn this morning. Maybe a manatee. I don’t remember, but it was random!
Today we had an appointment at a Urology clinic. Don’t worry, I’m not going to sit here and discuss Nick’s pee and poo; I’ll save that for the dinner table! What I do want to mention is that things are going good. We’ve been a little worried about not having a doctor monitor that area lately, but it’s all good. They’re going to run a comprehensive test on his bladder soon. That should shed some light on his progress with regards to healing and function.
I’ve been cleaning his stumps daily and changing his dressings. I desperately wish I could report a full healing, but I can’t. There are still a few spots with scabs, and one small troublesome spot that is still open and fleshy. Come on! Let’s get this going. The hyperbaric chamber really revved his healing into over-drive, but there are still a few miles left to go. The good news is that each day I can see improvement. It’s noticeable. There’s a bit of stress having an upcoming appointment to fit his stumps with prosthetics, yet not being completely healed. If they’re not 100% healed we will be forced to push his appointment back, ultimately delaying him learning to walk again. But that’s not going to happen. Good vibes to Nick’s healing stumps.
My two cuddly dudes, Big Dog and Nick. Afternoon naps are crucial around here.
What a great weekend. Boy did we eat a lot! In’n’Out and Don Jose’s yesterday. Then two all-you-can-eat meals today: Sunday Brunch in Canyon Lake, and sushi tonight. I think the whole family is successfully miserably full.
Yesterday and today were non-stop family fun. A rare treat, and such a neat time. We spent time with Mom & Mike, Pafart, Seth and Nancy, Dan, my Dad, and of course, the guest of honor, our cousin Mike from Cincinnati. Family time really is such a sweet blessing. I am so grateful for The Feners. What a quirky bunch of genuine, fun-loving people. The laughs and light hearted shit talking never ends.
Nick’s one bowling turn. Yeah, we know, bowling probably isn’t the best idea right now. But wouldn’t that be awesome if he threw a strike? Anything for a good picture and story!
Cousins and brothers, cheers-ing to life and happiness! Cousin Mike is in town from Ohio… just for this one weekend. We couldn’t resist going bowling. Nick could only tolerate being up for one game, but it was a game of playful competition and goofy laughs. Just for the photo/video op, I had Nick take one of my turns and toss a ball down the alley. He’s usually really good at bowling (lots of practice) but guttered tonight. On my turn! That likely cost me the game, thanks Nick. Bowling with the family tonight was incredibly special. It’s one of our favorite things to do together. In fact, the last time we all went bowling was the night before Nick’s accident. Seth finally beat Nick that night, and due to his concussion, Nick conveniently can’t remember. Figures! Sorry Seth. I won’t mention who won tonight. I’m afraid it might go to his head.
This is a fun little video with a few (lots of!!!) pictures and videos collected over the last 7 years. So many friends, lots of family, tons of amazing memories.
Thank you Cassie for making this!
This is a collection of pictures and videos from the day of Nick’s accident through present time. Some people have used the word “graphic” to describe it. There’s only one little part that could be labeled that way. So, be warned. I don’t believe it’s graphic at all. And frankly, IT’S OUR REALITY, so we don’t give a shit about it being “graphic” or potentially offending anyone. Commercials for most movies are WAY more graphic.
This was edited by Cassie Hero. THANK YOU CASSIE! You did a great job telling a story of love and tenacity!
Finally! Today was Nick’s last treatment at the hyperbaric chamber. The wounds on his stumps aren’t completely healed yet, but they are so incredibly close. Close enough that he doesn’t need anymore treatments. That’s a huge win! That means no more driving to Orange County and back everyday! And I haven’t even gone with him these last few days. Thank you to a variety of amazing friends who have donated their days to take him back and forth, allowing me to get shit done.
So now that the hyperbaric oxygen therapy is complete, it’s onto the next experimental therapy. Tomorrow we are trying a cold, therapeutic K-Laser on his lower spine and tailbone to help relieve the pain and facilitate healing. I’ve heard really good things about it. But the best part? It’s only a few short miles from our house. We could go everyday day if we wanted to and it would be no big deal!
I’ve also got him visiting a doctor who specializes in pain management next week. His spine surgeon recommended he see a pain clinic, and we agree. These surgeons and general doctors don’t have all the tricks up their sleeves when it comes to managing severe pain. We chose a particular place that specializes in innovative techniques. Our goal is for Nick to get off of the narcotics as soon as possible. I’ve been saying this for weeks now. How soon is soon?
Earlier today I was eavesdropping on a phone conversation Nick was having with an old friend who works at a nearby hair salon. Well, it’s not really eavesdropping when I am already in the same room! But I really loved what he was saying. I loved it so much, I began taking notes right away, so I could share it. Everyday, Nick just amazes me more and more. His point of view is so motivating, even to me! He continues to lift me up day after day. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?
Here’s what he was saying…
“I can’t even describe how fucking cool it is that so many people have expressed their love and support for me. I had a guy come up to me at the Feet for Fener fundraiser and tell me I saved his life. He’s never met me, I’ve never met him. He told me he’s been reading the blog since the beginning and that I inspired him and saved his life. He didn’t say exactly what that meant, but I know he was really down and out. I had several people come up to me and tell me they’ve never met me, but have been following my blog and are inspired by me. I know this sounds weird, but I’m glad this happened now. So much good has come out of this crummy situation. So much good is still to come from it. It’s brought so much love into people’s hearts. People say I’ve inspired them. And it’s brought so many people together.”
He’s glad it happened? Wow. I know he doesn’t mean that he’s glad his feet are gone and that he is in so much pain. He’s just aware of how easily a shitty situation can be turned around if you choose to look at it the right way. In three and a half months, I still haven’t heard a single word of self pity from him. Even when he’s in pain, he just tells it like it is. He never turns his pain into an opportunity to feel sorry for himself. I love that! But at the same time it can be really annoying. How can I get away with my whining about a headache, or a stubbed toe, when Nick doesn’t even complain. I just remind myself: at least I still have feet.
I have been working my ass of these last three and a half months. Even when I get a “day off” from taking Nick to his appointments, like today, I am still making other appointments, researching medical bills, hunting down prescriptions (still!), searching for new treatment options, doing laundry, coordinating our social time, returning emails… I’m busy anyway. This is truly a full time job right now. I couldn’t imagine trying to work to support myself AND deal with Nick’s needs. Yet it’s hard to keep going knowing that I am only surviving right now by the generosity of our loving friends. It’s very humbling. It makes me feel bad actually. Bad, because I shouldn’t be relying on other people to take care of me. But on the other hand I feel good because the people in my life are so caring and helpful. It’s a confusing sensation of helpless grateful guilt.
And then there’s that mythical thing I’ve heard of called Alone Time. Neither one of us knows what that means anymore. How on Earth do Mom’s do it? I have a newly established, deep respect for you Moms out there. Especially those with multiple children. Double especially those single Moms with multiple children. You ladies are the true American heroes. Multi-tasking while often ignoring your own personal needs can wear a person down mentally and physically. I see an end in sight for me when Nick is finally healthy again. Mom’s live this way for years on end. Again, I am very impressed. Never realized how hard it is, despite caring for my own Mom for many years.
Anyway, Nick’s doing alright today. Quite a bit of pain, but nothing too terrible. He went to the hyperbaric chamber and they said he will be done with treatments this week. Everything is healing nicely. He doesn’t need to bandage his right nub anymore if he doesn’t want to. That’s a huge win! Now as soon as the left one is completely healed we are going swimming!
A few more thoughts and memorable moments from “Feet for Fener”.
As soon as Nick was done with his speech, they began the live auction. Al Nocita did a fabulous job as auctioneer and started out with a little warm up for the crowd. As it turned out, he pulled some strings and was able to get Nick’s feet, in a jar from the hospital, to auction at the fundraiser. See, Al’s that kind of guy. He knows people, and he gets what he wants. Even Nick wasn’t able to pull that one off. A jar of Nick’s pickled feet is an extremely rare item. The opening bid started out small but quickly rose in increments of $10,000. Like a bidding whirlwind, his feet soon skyrocketed in value into the hundreds of thousands, and then finally sold for a whopping $1,000,000! The buyer never paid up, likely because we refused to take a personal check. Sorry Cassie, we’ll only take cash.
Speaking of Cassie, she made a few little videos of Nick’s life to show at the event. Everything was set, ready to go, but something was malfunctioning with the equipment. Maybe the power was out or something. So we didn’t get to show the footage that she worked so hard on. She literally spent days preparing these videos. One is footage strictly from Nick’s accident forward, detailing his recovery process. The other is a collage of footage and photos of Nick’s life up until his accident on May 20th. We were calling this one his memorial video, because it seems the only time you get to see footage of the good times from a persons life is after they’ve passed. Well, I didn’t want to miss this opportunity to highlight Nick’s amazing life while he’s still here to appreciate it. The videos didn’t play at the party on Saturday, but I will share them on the blog soon enough. Thank you Cassie!
Today is Benji’s last day in the US. He had been such an amazing blessing to us this last week. Flying to the other side of the world (Dubai to CA is exactly 12 hours difference) to stay with us for the sole purpose of helping us out. He drove Nick to doctor’s appointments, helped him dress and toilet, cooked us dinners, took us to sushi, took me shopping, donated some seriously hefty prizes to the fundraiser auctions and kept us laughing for an entire week. He is such a kind, generous person with a huge heart and adventurous spirit. Thank you Benji. You are such a great friend. How’s that for “living” the blog?
The day after Feet for Fener. We slept til 2pm. Stayed in bed til 4:30pm. Nick’s entire body is sore. But it was totally worth it!
Saturday night was the Feet for Fener fundraiser at Skydive Perris. Wow. What a whirlwind, overwhelming experience of love, support, kindness, happiness and celebration. A few hundred people were there to celebrate Nick’s life. And the best part was that Nick was able to be there and be a part of it. What an impressive event, in every respect. I still can’t believe that just happened. Neither can Nick. Wow. THANK YOU! Everyone! It really took a small army of volunteers to pull that off. The event was so well organized and rolled on smoothely through the evening. The skydiving community really banded together for Nick last night in a brilliant display of palpable love and excitement. We were touched deeply.
I arrived late, as usual, at about 4:30pm. Video camera in hand, I was only able to move at a snails pace through the crowds of people, taking video of each person I greeted. I can only guess that this is what a celebrity must feel like. I can’t call it “being bombarded” because I really enjoyed all the hugs and loving conversations. After only talking to a few dozen people, my mind started to become mushy and scattered. It was truly overwhelming, but in a good way!
The first band was already playing when I got there. Loads of jumpers were in the air. The swimming pool was full of people cooling off from the heat. Over a hundred items were already being bid on in the silent auction that lined the perimeter of the pool area. People were getting massaged, having their hair cut and getting their toe nails done. Kids were playing in the bounce house and getting their faces painted. The barbecue was lit, cranking out yummy food and the taco bar was in full swing. The photo booth was snapping lots of pictures and so were the photographers wandering through the crowds. People were lighting up cigars at the mobile cigar stand, and enjoying gelato and snow cones in the shade. There were heaps of delicious home baked goods at the bake sale table, including little foot shaped cookies, and gourmet cookies with a picture of Nick and his therapist on them. Duffy was on the mic keeping the crowd entertained, raffling off a few of the smaller items, talking about the skydiving demonstrations going on, and welcoming the newcomers to the event. Everyone had little feet stickers on their shirts, and half the crowd was wearing the specially designed “Fener” T-shirts being sold. The skydiving school was cranking out tandem skydives, with 111 people showing up to make their first jump! Over 70 of them being fans of the show “Sons of Anarchy”, who came out to meet the cast and make a jump on their annual SOA skydiving day. They had a table set up next to the skydiving school to meet the cast. Fans could get autographs and pictures taken for a donation to Nick Fener.
Nick showed up at 5:30pm and had a huge crowd around him, non-stop, until he left at 10:30pm. There were cameras on him immediately. He must have posed for hundreds of pictures with his friends, old and new. It was challenging for him to give adequate time and attention to every single person who came to say hello. He wants me to say that he did his best to talk to and spend time with everyone. And that he wanted to acknowledge and thank every single person for how they have helped him since his accident. It was really difficult for him though. He hopes that nobody feels he ignored them, or didn’t spend enough time with them. Not only was he in pain all evening, he was on a lot of pain medication in order to stay upright in his wheelchair. While discussing how AMAZING the night was, he has described it as being an event being held within a ten foot perimeter around his wheelchair. He didn’t get to cruise around and enjoy the different vendors at all. Nick’s particular experience of the party was personal and “in your face”. And he loved it. He loved the attention. He loved the warm wishes.
At any given moment, we could scan the crowd and see the vast cross-section of people from across Nick’s lifetime. High school friends, desert friends, plumbing clients, old neighbors, old roommates, skydiving pals, co-workers, my family, his family, gym friends, skydiving students, his dog trainer, people we have never met but who read the blog, our friends’ parents, our friends’ kids, and so many more. Nick has touched a lot of people in his 33 years. This fundraiser was proof of that. People from every slice of his life were present and showing their love and support. How awesome!
These are my words, not his, but the party felt like a combination of two very common events: a funeral and a wedding reception. It had the loving, party feel of a wedding reception. And it had the “all eyes on Nick”, the “let’s tell him everything we’ve always wanted to tell him” vibe of a funeral. For Nick, it was the closest he will ever come to being a guest at his own funeral. As weird, and morbid as that sounds, it’s one of the true blessings of this entire situation. He came close enough to death that the rest of us are still praising God that he made it out alive. And last night was his party to celebrate that.
Just before the live auction began, Nick got up in front of the stage and talked to the crowd. He had a list of people he individually thanked. It was painful to make that list. How could he single out just a few people, when the entire army of his family and friends have come rushing to his aid? Well, the people he individually thanked fell into two distinct categories. First, he thanked the few people who planned and organized the entire event, who spent 2&1/2 months working toward this one huge evening. Second, he thanked the few people who have constantly been by my, or his, physical side from the very beginning, or who have consistently knocked down our door to take the burdens of daily life off my shoulders. If he had added any more “categories” of people to thank, well, we would have been standing there listening to him until 3am.
I am so relieved that I am not the one who made him cry. Thanks Dan Fener, for making your brother cry in front of a few hundred people! Yes, just thinking about how much Dan has stepped up to the plate to help us out makes both of us emotional. He moved into our home while we were away to care for our house and our doggies. He is still living with us and bends over backwards daily to make our lives easier. He is such a neat person, and an easy roommate. If it weren’t for him, we would be so lost. So, anyway, Nick thanked him, got extremely emotional, and it got the entire audience choked up. Then Nick began to thank me publicly, which really brought the water works flowing, and I practically got pushed out there with him into the spot light. I was completely unprepared to speak, so I will make up for what I didn’t say by writing it now. It’s simple, really. I wanted to thank one person, and one person only: Nick’s Mom, Sandee Fener. Mama, I really wish I had thanked you in front of everybody. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t know how I would have made it past that ICU room. You helped me care for your son and make hefty decisions about his well being. You treated me like a daughter even though I’m only your sons girlfriend. You respected my position in his life and his wishes that I make his health and financial decisions. You never over stepped a boundary, yet never left me alone. Your support was perfect in every way. I am so glad to have you as my Mom. I love you. —Now, dang it, too bad I didn’t have that prepared to say last night. Oh well.
The rest of Nick’s “speech” centered around the fact that life can be taken from you in an instant. You can’t stop living your life for fear of losing it. He said that people who are in jobs they hate, relationships that aren’t working, friendships that aren’t healthy, are just wasting their precious time here. Find your passion, follow it, and live it daily. This accident almost took his life. Since it didn’t, his desire to follow his passions is greater than ever. “Get Busy Livin”. I can’t think of a better way to sum it all up. Get busy living, or get busy dying. That is his message.
On the eve of what is shaping up to be the biggest single-day event I’ve ever seen at Skydive Perris, Nick and I both had very rough days. His pain was completely out of control today. I hate that! I know his back is broken, and he has been through a lot recently, but why is all the pain concentrating right on his tailbone? That really makes it impossible for him to get comfortable doing anything, even lying down. But I guess one good thing happened for him today. He finally got that pesky, elusive nap he’s been chasing for three days. That’s cause for celebration, especially seeing how exhausted he has been. I’m telling you, the excitement is never ending around here.
And for me? Well I’m not sure anything went my way today. That is so not like me. Usually things run smooth in my world. I rarely encounter burdensome hiccups to my day. Or at least I don’t normally notice them like I did today. But I’m not exaggerating when I say that every little thing I did today was harder than it needed to be, or took several tries to get right, or just completely fell through. And don’t even get me started on the giant headache I’ve been dealing with regarding Nick’s numerous prescriptions. I just hope his neurosurgeon is better at fixing vertebrae than he is at prescribing medication. He consulted his handy dandy drug guidebook, and STILL got his prescription wrong. TWICE! And guess who had to drive around Southern California freeway hell getting these wrongly written prescriptions? I chased down a new prescription today because the one they gave us on Wednesday was incorrect. Then I find out that this one is wrong too. These pain meds are strictly regulated by law, so if anything is not exactly perfect on the prescription, the pharmacy cannot fill it, and they need a new one written. There can be no corrections, and it can’t be called or faxed in. This is not the first time I’ve dealt with this either. What is wrong with these people?!?!
“Feet for Fener” is tomorrow. I really like that name. It’s catchy. I don’t think I could be more excited about this event. It appears as if the auction/raffle has really taken on it’s own life form. There are over 100 items in the silent auction alone. That’s JUST the silent auction. Those items will likely end kind of early in order to save time for the numerous live auction items and raffle prizes. This information is, of course, being relayed to me by the handful of beautiful people working day and night to organize and coordinate such a gigantic event. Day and night. No joke. We have amazing friends! Shazza Kindsvater, Hannah Betts, Linda Witte, Melanie Conatser, Mike & Jen Nootbaar, Candi & J’sun Arguello, Paul Rodriguez & Amanda Burgess!!! THANK YOU!!!
And now I feel bad. I feel bad that I’m not able to thank every single person who is helping us. You know we are humbled with gratitude. But I really wanted to say thanks to a few people who are really going above and beyond to make this party happen. I love you guys! Tomorrow is going to be an absurd amount of fun.
I guess it’s easy to take our plush modern conveniences for granted when we don’t know anything different. But this was Nick’s second experience of sponge bathing for days on end. I doubt he will ever take a shower for granted again. Despite my best attempts to keep him clean, absolutely nothing can compete with a stream of warm running water and some manly smelling body wash. Nick’s hair is soft again. His skin is clean again. A shower can be a magical thing.
We are running out of stream. Not napping during the day is too much for Nick to tolerate right now. We are planning a long nap tomorrow when he gets home from going into the chamber tomorrow. We’ve got to rest up for Saturday night. Feet For Fener!
My dirty boy can finally shower again like a regular human because they took the staples out of his belly today. The appointment was bitter sweet. Sweet because the Xrays were “perfect” as the surgeon said. Apparently everything looks good, nothing has moved. Personally, I couldn’t tell just by looking at the film. There’s a lot more hardware in his back now, that’s about the only real obvious change. What we weren’t happy to hear is that he wants Nick to wait six more weeks before doing anything. Yeah, he basically said he wants Nick on bed rest. No physical therapy except for a little upper body strengthening. Not only is that disappointing, but we were hoping to only wait four weeks, not six.
But six weeks will breeze by if we let it. I mean, it’s already been two weeks since his surgery. And we had to wait four weeks longer than we wanted in order to get it done. So I guess what I’m alluding to here is that there is definitely light at the end of our tunnel. It’s just a little further away than we expected.
They also tweaked Nick’s pain medications today. They’re upping his doses and changing some things around. We consider this a necessary step in the wrong direction. He wants more than anything to not take these drugs. Yet at the same time, he needs them to get through the day. I’m personally frustrated about the knee jerk reaction in western medicine to just prescribe stronger and stronger drugs for people’s ailments. There has to be a better solution. He’s doing more hypnosis soon, since it worked so well on his phantom pain several weeks ago. But there MUST be something out there that is healthier than narcotics, effective and long lasting. It’s my new goal to seek it out, whatever “it” may be. The same goes for his nerve damage. There must be something out there that we should be doing to help him with that. I just don’t know what it is.