I have been working my ass of these last three and a half months. Even when I get a “day off” from taking Nick to his appointments, like today, I am still making other appointments, researching medical bills, hunting down prescriptions (still!), searching for new treatment options, doing laundry, coordinating our social time, returning emails… I’m busy anyway. This is truly a full time job right now. I couldn’t imagine trying to work to support myself AND deal with Nick’s needs. Yet it’s hard to keep going knowing that I am only surviving right now by the generosity of our loving friends. It’s very humbling. It makes me feel bad actually. Bad, because I shouldn’t be relying on other people to take care of me. But on the other hand I feel good because the people in my life are so caring and helpful. It’s a confusing sensation of helpless grateful guilt.
And then there’s that mythical thing I’ve heard of called Alone Time. Neither one of us knows what that means anymore. How on Earth do Mom’s do it? I have a newly established, deep respect for you Moms out there. Especially those with multiple children. Double especially those single Moms with multiple children. You ladies are the true American heroes. Multi-tasking while often ignoring your own personal needs can wear a person down mentally and physically. I see an end in sight for me when Nick is finally healthy again. Mom’s live this way for years on end. Again, I am very impressed. Never realized how hard it is, despite caring for my own Mom for many years.
Anyway, Nick’s doing alright today. Quite a bit of pain, but nothing too terrible. He went to the hyperbaric chamber and they said he will be done with treatments this week. Everything is healing nicely. He doesn’t need to bandage his right nub anymore if he doesn’t want to. That’s a huge win! Now as soon as the left one is completely healed we are going swimming!
Nick Fener 