Yes!!!!! More from Memorial Day

Yesterday was HUGE!! Nick Fener is BACK! For the first time in 11 days, I don’t feel like I’m going to battle, I feel like I’m going to hang out with my honey. We made some changes to his medicines. Nick hates being “high” on drugs, and the drugs he has been on are so super sonic strong that he hasn’t been himself. He’s actually been enduring more pain just to keep from being so messed up mentally. But one cool surgeon (who wants to start AFF skydiving training) finally listened to me and changed his meds around. I’ve been fighting for this change in meds since Friday but no one would fucking listen to me. And guess what…He’s BACK!! Oh my God this is the biggest WIN so far.

Last night I finally showed him this blog. Actually, I only showed him all the amazingly loving and encouraging messages you guys have been sending. Talk about therapeutic!!! Thank you so much everyone! Keep the messages coming. We cried and laughed and cried some more. He will be ready for visitors soon, but not yet. Please dont just show up yet. Talking is super exhausting to him right now, so he still needs/wants to take things slow.

He has also returned to eating regular food. And for those of you who know Nick, this is a very important part of his recovery. Nick “are-you-gonna-finish-that?” Fener will eat you out of house and home! But since he went 9 days without eating, his stomach is much smaller and his appetite has decreased. Wonder how long it’ll be before he eats a massive Chipotle burrito and then half of mine? For those of you on the meal delivery program thingy, I’ll soon be posting items that Fener will want. Thank you all so much!

So, today is another day. A good day. We’re going to relax and watch funny movies together. His attitude is incredible! We will have ups and downs I’m sure, but right now we are UP and I’m celebrating. Now it’s finally come full circle how lucky we are that he survived.

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Nick and his Mama Sandee. Love their smiles!

Monday May 30th – YES!!!!!!

Happy Memorial Day! Thank you to all the service men and women, past and present, who have given their lives to allow all Americans the freedom of choice. Thank you, for your commitment to our nation has allowed me and Nick to pursue what we love.

On this beautiful Memorial Day, we had many “wins” on our own battle front.

…my eyes are literally crossing and I’m falling asleep writing this. There is so much awesomeness to report, and no way I can stay awake long enough to type it.

…to be continued…

Sunday May 29

Nick is moving forward slowly, but surely. They removed the tube that went up his nose and down to his stomach. They removed his oxygen. They put him in the unit next to ICU that is a small step down. And he’s not in any pain, yet. That’s because he is high as shit on pain Meds and completely out of it. My biggest goal right now is to get Nick on the proper pain Meds that will allow him to be himself and manage his pain effectively. There will be some important decisions coming up soon, that I feel he must be involved in. I’m very grateful he named me his Power of Attorney, and I feel I’ve done a good job acting in ways he would want me to. But he’s awake now.

Still not ready for visitors yet either. I know many of you are chomping at the bit to see your bro. Yes!! It shouldn’t be too long now.

I can’t believe it’s been 10 days since his accident. Wow, seems like forever since I’ve heard his loud voice, walked hand in hand with him, heard him laugh because he stunk up the plane, or hugged him fully. He’s an excellent hugger. But I guess for now, holding his hand and kissin his cheek will have to suffice. He’s alive. And this miraculous second chance feels so good.

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I have nothing cute or funny or inspiring to say tonight. I feel like I’m fighting WWIII. I feel anxious and slightely panicked at all times, which is the exact opposite of my normal internal state. Ugh I’m exhausted!

Nick was pretty out of it tonight. He’s been awake with no sleep or nutrition since Thursday at 5:30. Actually, no nutrition since the accident. That’s enough to make an uninjured man feel loopy, let alone someone with severe trauma to their body.

Another leg wound wash-out surgery tomorrow.

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Family photo shoot.  Lindsay, MIA, Big Dog, Xena, Nick. He was in one of his “excessive facial hair” phases.

Thank you Amanda Burgess Photography

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The Beast is resting today. Although we’ve all been suffering over him for 8 days, this is only day 2 for him. Yesterday was a busy and chaotic day for him. He had a lot of love and reassurance from family yesterday, and he was truly grateful for us being with him. He kept saying that he is sorry to put us all through this. But even with all the love, we managed to wear him out completely. When I arrived this morning he hadn’t slept at all.

So, today is going to be a quiet day for him. And me! I literally fell asleep and had wild dreams with my head on his bed, holding his hand and rubbing his head. Rest=healing. And the dude has alot of healing to do.

Here’s a cute story his best friend Mike Nootbaar told me. Nootbaar was at his sons 5th grade graduation a few days ago. And there was one little girl in particular who received award, after award, after award. She got up to give a very heartfelt and mature speech about moving on to the next part of life. In her speech she used a wonderfully timely quote from Dr. Seuss. “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” If that wasn’t enough, it also just so happens that her last name is Fener.

That story made me smile. Not because anything in mine and Nicks life is “over” for certain. But because I do know that this accident marks the distinct beginning of a new and very different chapter in our lives together. And at this point, I have no idea where all of this will take us.

On a lighter note, last night, I was standing in the hallway waiting to get into the ICU. A kid was sitting there playing with a little video game thing with his Mom, when suddenly he let out two really loud and long farts! Totally reminded me of Fener!
Another sign that I’m going to get through this after all.

I can’t wait…

I cannot wait to show Nick all the letters of encouragement and let them soothe his aching, confused heart the way they have for me.

I cannot wait to tell Nick all the wonderful stories of people coming together to help me and his family in order to allow us to fully help him.

I cannot wait to be able to discuss this path of healing and rehabilitation with him more.

But right now, there are only 3 things Nick cares about…
1. That he can physically see me in the room
2. That he gets a water soaked sponge-on-a-stick to suck on as much as possible
3. That his hands are held with the fingers interlaced, and that we shift and rotate the grips every minute or two

He hasn’t slept at all since he’s been awake. Today the nurse wants quiet sleep time as much as possible. He even said, “two thumbs down for being awake”

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This AWESOME photo by Karen Lewis made the cover of Parachutist Magazine this year.

Friday May 27 WINNING

Nick Fener.

WINNING!!

So, after what was likely one of the worst days of my life yesterday, today was full of little mini victories. Neck brace came off. Breathing mask came off. He still has muscles firing in his quads and sensation all the way down. We got him a hand held morphine zapper.

But what I think is the biggest victory today, is Nicks attitude. Although he got emotional today (lots more of that to come, I’m sure) he is feeling really positive. “As long as I have my arms” he said a few times. Now, he’s on a lot of pain meds, so I’m not sure how much information he’s really processing, but I don’t care.

Mini victories. That’s what I’m constantly counseling him on. Next mini victory will be getting his nausea under control so they can resume feeding him. He was so sick all day. Poor guy.

I love Nick Fener so much. So much! And I’m not stopping until he has reached his full healing potential. Doctors estimate about a year. But the doctors have also said some other bullshit that we refuse to believe too. Only time will tell how strong Nick is. When reviewing Xrays again today with his Neurosurgeon who did the spinal surgery, he commented that, “most people with this damage don’t even make it to the ER. This is incredible!”

This IS incredible! Obviously Nick still needs to be here for some reason.

Friday May I don’t know the day

Yesterday was possibly the most exhausting day of my life. But the big WIN is that Nick is off the breathing tube.

Been trying to find time to update, but Nick is FINALLY awake and quite a handful. Severe nausea, but calm, loving and cooperative. Hallucinations are getting less severe. Most importantly we’ve been able to kiss several times.

Thursday May 26 – He Wakes

Huge exhausting day. Surgery, extubation and realization.
Watching him weep has made me physically ill.

Thursday May 26

I’m literally writing this from Nicks bedside from my iPhone. Technology and modern medicine are so incredible. Nick would surely be dead had this happened only a mere 100 years ago. I do want to make it clear that he is not, nor has he ever been on life support. That would be against his wishes, which he laid out very clearly in an advanced healthcare directive only 2 months ago. I would never disrespect him like that.

So here he is, sleeping soundly at 5:30 am. They will likely be waking him up a little throughout the morning. They call it a sedation vacation. I just feel it is so incredibly important for me to be here to soothe his confusion and help re-orient him to this time and place. I think I’ve said this before, but I don’t know. Perhaps I need to be re-oriented to this time and place as well.

They actually postponed his wound wash-out surgery yesterday. Too busy in the OR. So they’re taking him today. The bummer about this, is that they held his feeding all day yesterday in anticipation of the procedure. Then didn’t do it. And now they’re holding his feeding again today. That’s just how they do it here, although I’ve heard there’s new thinking in the medical community about not stopping nutrition in order to keep patients strong and healthy.

His vitals are all healthy and stable and he is alot less swollen now than a few days ago. He looks good.

It feels so good to be next to his warm breathing body. Even if he’s all banged up, and we don’t know what long term damage he will have, it’s just so magical to kiss his face, rub his head, hold his hand and whisper in his ear. I am so grateful for this second chance. Even though life as we knew it will never ever be the same, there are so many paths to choose from in life. We’re just going to have a few less choices, that’s all. This tragic accident doesn’t have to kill his spirit, and that’s going to be my other big focus once he wakes up. Physical AND emotional healing.

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Nick hiking with 2 of his 3 children, Big Dog (yes, that’s his name! He’s a BIG dog!) and Xena. Nick is a real animal lover. We had many talks about starting a dog rescue/shelter on our property one day.

Wednesday May 25

He’s still sedated today, but stirring a little bit. He has acknowledged my voice a few times. Not much has changed.

I saw his abdomen today without the dressing on it. What a beautiful sign of healing! His Mom Sandee was just elated. It looks good, no seeping, no redness. There are 20-30 staples from nipples down to his pubic area. It’s going to be a gnarly scar alright. And most importantly, they lined his tattoo up properly and it wasn’t affected at all! I totally expected it to read ADREALIN JUKIE, but it’s fine. Really, I know, that is certainly NOT the most important thing, but every little WIN needs to be celebrated.

He’s off to surgery to clean and flush his leg wounds again today. Wish him luck.

Wednesday May 25

This is not easy for me to write, but I have received so many requests from people who want to help financially, so I am posting a means to help Nick and I.

We just got health insurance 2 months ago, and I just found out last night that they’re only covering 60%. Sandee and I are immediately applying for any supplemental help we can through the hospitals social worker, but there are still going to be unmet financial needs.

For those who have asked, here is the information.

Our paypal account is linked to my email: lindsayshowalter@yahoo.com

Thank you everyone. There is so much love in our lives, and we are truly blessed.

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Two adventurous dudes. Nick and his Dad, Pafart. I mean Zach. But Nick calls him Zeeeeeek! This is them snowboarding together a few months ago.

Tuesday May 24 – Day 5

Well, the plan was to wake Nick up and remove his breathing tube today, but that didn’t quite work out as planned. He DID wake up for about an hour. I was by his side trying to orient him to where he is and he acknowledged me 3 times with a nod. I really don’t think he could see me though. These sedatives are really powerful. I can only imagine how confusing it must be to be going in and out of sedation.
Tomorrow afternoon he’s going in for another surgery on his legs. No repair yet, just a third cleaning and wash out of the wounds. Tonight was the first time I could actually see a few stitches down there. He has some wound vacs in the actual wounds that are continually draining.
Good news is that they began feeding him today. 10mil of a nutrient solution every hour. I’m surprised he’s not asking the guy next door if he’s going to finish his 10mil solution. I’m glad they’re feeding him. Proper nutrition is absolutely the key to health and healing. Well that, and the right positive mindset.

Speaking of nutrition, I realize that I must eat right in order to stay strong for my babe. Thank you Mrs Nootbaar for bringing me salads.

So many people have asked what we need right now, and I am so grateful! Thank you everyone! I know the news is fresh and we are all still in shock (even me) to see our boy fighting for his life. I will absolutely utilize our friends, families and community to help me get Nick back on his feet again. I’ve been asked by many to make a wish list. Well, I’m just sort of going day by day here, not really sure what I need right now. But when looking at the big picture, we are facing many many months, maybe years, of working through this madness.

It’s crazy how life can change so quickly in an instant. Having a second chance with Nick is such a blessing.

Wow! Wow!

Wow! Ok I guess I’m not too badly shocked… But Nick is a popular dude. Whats not to love?!? 😉 He has received about 200+ messages from near and far on this blog site already! Wow! Thank you all for the love and encouragement. Ya know, the only thing that sucks is that I’m running out of ways to say thank you. So, gracias amigos! I love it so much.

Oh, and if you’re leaving a message for Nick, be sure to leave your name, because it comes across as anonymous on the iPhone if you don’t. (but it shows on the laptop)

Thanks for reading!

Monday May 23 – Day 4 Good day!

Today was a good day in Fenerland. He was sound asleep all day! He looked so peaceful and relaxed. Even with a puffy, tubed up face, he is just so damn cute to me. So there he was, just sleepin away today, and we were just hangin out together. And that’s when it hit me, HOLY $#!T!!! An overwhelming wave of gratitude washed over me. Nick Fener is alive! I’m super bogged down while planning his recovery, not his funeral. I’m a blessed woman to still have my honey bun, complete with brain function and all! Thank you God he is alive.

I’ve also decided that if I am going to maintain some level of sanity through this journey we’re on together, then I need to just go day-by-day… Minute-by-minute even.

So, today was a good day!

Tonight they’re beginning to wean oxygen in hopes to wake him up tomorrow and remove his breathing tube.

Thank you God for friends and family. You guys have shown us absolutely unreal support and love.
Xoxo

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I wouldn’t call Nick a “ham” but he never turned down an opportunity to take a picture with me. And I’ve taken THOUSANDS!! Nick Fener is the absolute love of a lifetime! The last 6 years have been a glorious love filled ride of adventure, nonstop laughs and fun! No ups and downs. Just ups! Seriously. He says, “Everyday is Valentine’s Day” and is true from the heart when he says, “Happy wife, Happy life.”
A day has never gone by that Nick hasn’t shown his deep love and commitment to me. Although we aren’t legally married, we are married in our hearts. And our souls are more tangled than the worst hippy dreadlocks! I love you Nick Fener…

Monday May 23 – Day 4

It’s only 11:40am, and I’ve already looked at the clock 50 times. Wow. We have a loooooong road ahead of us.

Nicks doing ok today. Pretty sedated still, which is good! I don’t want my baby in pain. But I guess that’s something I will have to get used to. They had to put his ventilator tube further down his throat. In an uncomfortable, unconscious state, he fought it. It took 3 of us to hold that Ironman’s hands down. His strength is a good sign.

He’s had a few low grade fevers today, which I’m worried about. They seem to have it under control though. Please help me pray that they are able to keep Nick infection free! We just can’t risk infection in those poor legs of his. I have every intention of him keeping them. The surgeon did mention, twice, that later down the line they may have to fuse all the bones in his ankles and feet. That would mean walking, awkwardly at best, due to an un-moveable ankle joint.

Ok, enough doom and gloom. I really hate the speculation. Really I do! These docs have NO IDEA just how strong Nicks spirit is!

For those of you who maybe only know -of- Nick, or who haven’t had the chance to discuss spirituality with him, probably have no idea just how spiritual he is. His bad ass rugged, exterior sure doesn’t represent his soft, caring and contemplative interior. He is so strong in his beliefs, and I know this will carry him through the tough times ahead.

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Home Sweet Home for the next ??? weeks/months…
That’s me Lindsay and Jordan and Tristen (Jen Nootbaars girls)

Sunday May 22 – Day 3 Post Op

We are so blessed!!!!! I know you all want to hear about Nicks surgery, but first I have to share the greatest blessing so far. Fener’s long time best friend Mike Nootbaar (Pooty!) and his AMAZING wife Jen have hooked us up with their trailer to stay in….in the hospital parking lot! Me and Nicks family now have a place to stay nearby, a place to rest during shift changes and in the middle of the night. All to be closer to Nick! Thank you for your selfless service Mike and Jen! I just can’t even believe it. Such a burden has been lifted, and now I can get to work helping Nick recover. In fact, I will not stop until Nick has his life back. That is my only mission in life right now. So, we got to see him this evening after surgery. Everything went according to plan. His vitals are stable and he’s sleeping peacefully. They put the rod in his back and fused his L4 and L5 (which I thought they were removing, but was wrong I guess.) There is visible damage to his nerves that extend below his spinal cord. Specifically to the nerves that control his bladder and bowels. Now I know it seems as though Nicks flatulence couldn’t possibly get any worse, but honestly, I don’t really know what this will mean for his future. They also reported that his nerves appeared to be so damaged that he will not have any motor/sensory function to any part below his knees. Fuck that! He was moving his legs yesterday, and had feeling everywhere except the big toe side of his feet and the bottoms of his feet. So I’m very optimistic that they’re wrong. They were also able to close up his abdomen incision from when they removed his spleen on Friday. The entire surgery took 13 hours! He is definitely MUCH more swollen than yesterday. His eyelids are puffy, his hands and arms are really thick, and of course his feet are pretty huge. But overall, things are looking pretty good, considering the severity of his injuries. Even though they had him heavily sedated, I spent most of my time speaking softly in his ear, encouraging him to relax, and planting the seeds of strength and courage and love in his mind. Just because he is unconscious, that does not mean his mind is not absorbing the stimulus of his surroundings. His nurse and respiratory therapist this evening were excellent! They both genuinely cared about our feelings and about who Nick is. Professional would be a gross understatement. They didn’t kick me out at 9:30pm like they were supposed to. I stayed til 10:45, and at that point they even said that I didn’t need to go yet. I’m very aware that right now is the “easy” time. I cannot express into words the love and gratitude I have for each and every one of you who have reached out to us. I appreciate every call, every text, every hug! Thank you!

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Mothers Day dinner 2011. Older bro Seth, younger bro Dan, beautiful Mom Sandee, and Nick.

6am Day 3- back surgery

It’s 6am. Of course I can’t sleep. They have just wheeled Nick down for surgery. But I’m not there. I hope I don’t later regret choosing sleep over spending 10 minutes holding his hand before this massive endeavor.
One of the surgeons called me late last night. Things just got a lot more “real.”
They are doing a massive rammenectomy from his t12 to his sacrum and adding a metal rod.
Permanently.
Basically this will run from his lower ribs to the bottom of his vertebrae. I guess I had a rosy picture of repairing the L4 and L5, maybe fusing them together, slapping some glue in there or whatever, and calling it good. No. This is some serious shit.
Of course, my concern with Nicks future mobility is number 1. If you’ve spent any time with him you know that the dude NEVER stops. And to not be able to play extremely hard means it’s a life not worth living for him.
When I addressed his spinal mobility with the doc, his response scared me even more. “The rod will definitely limit his mobility, but not as severely as the trauma to his lower extremities. Nick has some of the worst damage I’ve seen.”
He will be in surgery for about 12 hours today. Maybe longer if they cannot access part of his broken L5 from his back. In that case they will go in from the front. Hopefully his innards look good and they can close his abdomen back up too, but they said it’s only a small chance. They are also flushing his leg wounds again in an attempt to remove more of the grass and dirt that grounded in there from the impact. He said it’s a “dirty dirty wound.”
Although I’m trying desperately to grasp onto any and everything positive, I’m very very scared. Especially after this conversation last night. Nick has his brain function in tact, and oh my GOD we are so lucky to have him alive, but I’m worried that he won’t feel the same way.

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A silly picture of Nick doing what he loves best!  Photo by Steve Barker for a spec Doritos commercial.

Saturday May 21 – Day 2

WARNING:  Graphic material written in a delirious sleep deprived state of mind.

We spent the entire day at the hospital with Nick today, taking turns, 2-by-2, going into Nick’s room and just comforting him.

He was in and out of sleep/consciousness the entire time. It was painful to see such a strong bull-dogged man in such a vulnerable position. He has a breathing tube in his mouth which he begged to be removed all day, and a brace around his neck.  Poor guy is soooooooooooooooo thirsty, but of course, cannot have any water. Pretty tough for a dude used to drinking a gallon+ of water everyday.

The only way he could communicate with us was writing on a piece of paper in his funny all-caps chicken scratch.  The first thing he communicated when I got there this morning was “TAKE PICTURES BONES STICKING OUT.”  Yeah. That’s Nick Fener for ya!  Of course I got pictures, and of course I’ll post them… but not yet.

By the way, there are no bones sticking out.  Not anymore. His legs are swollen, and there are huge metal stabilizing braces drilled into his shins and ankles.  But it doesn’t look as bad as I had imagined.

His abdomen wound is pretty impressive though.  This is where they opened his gut and took out his gushing spleen. Not only does it run from his diaphragm to his pubic region, but it completely splits his infamous “Adrenaline Junkie” tattoo in half.  Oh, and it’s not sealed up yet.  They’re keeping it open for a while to monitor other possible internal injuries.  It’s very painful to him though.  He wrote that it felt like a knife twisting in his stomach.

Sorry I’m being so graphic. Again, I’m wickedly delirious… and very optimistic for his recovery. There’s no crying in his room.  Only smiles, laughs and awkward cuddles.

He also informed me that he was “pretty fucked up from the meds.”  But I already knew this because he asked me 13 times what happened to him. 

He was very cooperative and understanding about not moving around or tugging on tubes.  But was also eager to experiment with the ability to move his legs, despite our urging not to.  With broken vertebrae dangerously pushing against his spinal cord, it is imperitive that he moves as little as possible, to not risk paralysis.

He is going into spinal surgery tomorrow morning at 6am.  This is a huge deal, and a very taxing operation.  Please pray or send good vibes or meditate, or whatever you do, for Nick to have a successful spinal operation tomorrow morning.  Our goal is to preserve the sensations he DOES have in his legs, and hopefully alleviate the swelling and pressure on the nerves that is causing loss of feeling and mobility in his feet.

Also, for anyone trying to reach me, Lindsay, please bear with me, as I’m exhausted and overwhelmed just trying to deal with what’s going on.  That’s the entire purpose of this blog, to keep everyone informed without totally wearing me out!! =)  Oh, and this journaling is super therapeutic for me too.

I love you all!!!

FAQs :)

It’s amazing at how many of you have reached out to see what you can do. Nick will need your support through this, and we’re all just figuring out what has to happen as we go along. But, the below can help answer a few questions…

Question: What can we do to help?

Answer: Right now, please just send your thoughts and prayers. As we get updates, we’ll have a better idea.

Question: Can we see him?

Answer: Nick is currently in ICU and only family members are allowed to see him. Because of his condition they want to keep him as calm as possible, so they are restricting visitors. Don’t worry though, as soon as he’s moved out of the ICU – he’ll want and need tons of people to see him. We’ll let you know as soon as he’s ready.

Question: How can I keep up to date with progress?

Answer: Right here. We’ll keep this updated with as much information as possible. The family is trying to keep everyone in the loop, but it’s tough to respond to everyone’s call and text.

Question: How long will it take him to recover?

Answer: The doctor’s aren’t sure, but we’re expecting months – many months. But – a recovery is expected!

What happened to Nick?

On Friday, May 20, Nick was flying camera for a tandem. The jump went fine but at about 100 feet Nick’s canopy partially collapsed, causing him to fall to the ground. It’s unknown what caused the canopy to collapse. Nick survived the crash and is in stable condition, but suffered major injuries.

He landed on his feet, which caused his shins and ankles to break in multiple places. There was major bone loss and is a high risk of infection. Currently the doctors are optimistic that he will get function to his feet again, although it will take many surgeries and a long recovery period. 

There was also damage to his L4 and L5 vertebrae. The actual amount of damage right know is unknown, and he will be having an MRI done as soon as possible. The is potential damage to the nerves, but we won’t know until more tests are done.

Other internal injuries also occurred, but are not as serious. He has several broken ribs, damage to his kidney and liver, and he ruptured his spleen. His first surgery took place the night of the accident and got him out of immediate trouble by removing his spleen and beginning to clean the debris in his legs. 

After surgery, his girlfriend Lindsay and his dad Zach were able to see him briefly. He was heavily sedated, but the doctors were beginning to wake him to check progress. The nurse was able to get acknowledgement from him that he knew where he was and who was there.

Because his condition is still unknown, they will only let close family members see him. Please save your trips to the hospital for when he is up and moving around, at this time they are not allowing visitors. They want to keep him calm and stress free as his body begins to repair. The next few days will be critical and will give us a better idea of his condition.

Lindsay and family are doing well, shook up and in shock – but spirits are high and everyone is very optimistic. There is a long road ahead of everyone close to Nick, so your love and support is very much appreciated. 

More updates to come soon…