Monday April 30, 2012

We’ve started planning the epic adventure of Nick’s first SCUBA dive. It’ll be the symbolic celebration of the one-year anniversary of his accident, on May 20th. Which boat, and where, are still critical unknowns, but at least we know the date.

This is an official open-invite to all of Nick’s friends, family, and fans to join us for this awesome celebration. If you’re interested in a killer day of SCUBA (or snorkeling) please let me know. We’ll be finalizing the details this week and will announce the final plans later. Save the date: Sunday May 20.

 

Photo-shoot 4/28/12

Hi! This is me, Lindsay, doing my own pre-photo-shoot photo-shoot.

A huge thank you to my fave girl Amanda Burgess. Nick and I had such a great time today posing for photos for my new blog site (and this one too, of course).

Nick got his exercise in, and even practiced standing unassisted with absolutely nothing around him to grab onto if he fell; we were in the middle of a road!

Looking forward to sharing the new pics soon.

Friday April 27, 2012

Thank you Anonymous.

Your letter and generous gift made us so happy. That you went out of your way to hand-deliver it to Project Walk and still managed to remain anonymous is quite a feat. Thank You!

We’ve been blessed time after time by the generosity and kindness of others. It blows my mind. We’ll never be able to pay it back, but we can sure pay it forward!

Nick is seriously sore tonight. He rode a Spin bike at the gym for 35 minutes yesterday and could barely walk himself out to the car afterward.

Today he walked an entire lap around the Project Walk gym floor only using one crutch. Sweat was pouring down his face on the stair climber and while doing squat variations. He never used to work out this hard, except for the 90 day P90X challenge we did two years ago. Bet he never thought he’d be working this hard just to be able to put one foot in front of the other again.

Feet 4-27-12

Project Walk is living up to its name.

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Tough work out.

Wednesday April 25, 2011

Dude!  Nick had the biggest breakthrough today – it brought me to tears.

He took 36 steps with only one crutch! He was walking with one crutch!

!!!!!

Seeing him walk while only relying on one crutch gave me the crisp visual of a Nick Fener with no crutches. It’s coming soon. I can feel it.

The elation of a mega breakthrough was quickly muffled by another phantom pain attack. In fact, it’s after midnight, and he’s still being attacked. He’s quietly battling it as I type, trying to “make it go away.” Knowing he’s in such excruciating pain is one of the most sickening and helpless feelings ever.

What a roller coaster of a day.

 

 

A link to help Nick’s friend Ke get therapy at Project Walk

The other day I mentioned that Nick has been lending an ear to a new friend with a recent spinal cord injury. His name is Ke. He’s lucky. He has an incomplete spinal cord injury which means he has a real chance at walking again if he gets the right therapy. Currently he has some movement in his hips and quads – a promising sign!

Today Ke’s friends launched a donation site for him to raise funds to go to Project Walk. He’s a strong willed guy who doesn’t have a lot of help, but he’s determined to get his life back – just like Nick.

Please check out his site and pitch in if you can.

Thank you times a million!

Scuba in pool 4-22-12

Happiest dude EVER! Look at that smile.

All the therapy he’s done has been leading up to this awesomeness.

Nick & Lindsay SCUBA experiment

Nick scuba diving, me snorkeling taking photos. The view wasn’t that great in a swimming pool, but the feeling was priceless!

Monday April 23, 2012

The amputee adventures are a Go!

Nick’s first underwater experience as an amputee was wildly successful. First he practiced kicking with a traditional fin, which was too rigid, so he switched to a more modern split-fin design. The weakness in his right side was very obvious as he swam around the pool. Those fins create a lot of resistance and require a lot of leg strength to use.

We were all surprised to discover Nick’s buoyancy was fairly neutral, meaning he was able to keep his body parallel to the pool bottom without touching the ground.

He surfaced after 15 minutes, took off the fins, and put on a pair of webbed gloves. He liked this set up much better. He could swim faster and had more control using his arms and was less fatigued by not loading up his legs with resistance.

We were high all day from the experience. This was the first taste of familiar adventure Nick has had since his accident. The first attempt at a former hobby that he loves and longs for. Being weightless under water took his pain away and made him feel alive. No gravity weighing him down, no phantom pain, no stress – just calm, relaxed breathing, exploring the limits of his body. Soon, he’ll be exploring the ocean and all it’s majestic sea life.

A huge thank you to Bill and John at Sport Chalet in Menifee. They met with Nick before their shift started, for free, to help a broken man dive again. They were genuinely as excited as, if not more than, Nick and I. Wonderful, wonderful people. We’ll be diving with them soon!

 

Dead Mouse Delivery

Why am I blogging at 2:30am? Because my elevated heart rate won’t let me fall back asleep.

MIA dog just delivered this slobbery, dead creature into our bed while we slept. More specifically, she quietly set it in my hand, declaring her kill with pride.

Feeling the soft and soggy body was such an odd sensation, I jumped out of sleep screaming and onto my feet so fucking fast that the whole house was suddenly on alert.

Dan came running, he heard the killing only moments earlier. MIA dog, the boastful hunter, was now running around with her tail between her legs as I fumbled for the camera and a plastic bag. She’s an intuitive little shit, very aware of how upset I was, but too damn cute to get mad at.

Saturday April 21, 2012

Life is a marathon. Hardship either builds endurance or makes you quit.

Nick is getting stronger. Life is getting easier. I’m not only talking about physically. The emotional fatigue can make a 5K feel like an Ironman.

Today a woman walked up to Nick and thanked him for serving our country. That’s not the first time it’s happened. Nick always assumed it’s due to the camouflage on his legs, but this woman hadn’t even noticed. She admired his strength and attitude. She could tell he’s a warrior!

Tomorrow Nick goes to a SCUBA training pool to work out the specifics of bouyancy with prostheses.

Amputee Adventures start now!

Dad is 79 today

Happy Birthday to my Dad.

Nick took us out to lunch at the gorgeous Mission Inn in Riverside.

Fun Factoid: Dads parents were married there in 1924. Dad has lived in So Cal for 79 years but has never been there… until today. What a treat to take him there!

True Love and Best Friends

Who needs a caption with a title like that?

We are blessed.

Plumbing 4-18-12

It just goes to show ya… You can take the man out of plumbing, but you can’t take plumbing out of the man.

At least you have feet

On the eve of Nick’s 11 month accident-versary, I’ve written a few Haiku’s.

———————————-

Eleven months

have passed us by.

Still no feet.

————————-

Nick Fener:

lucky to be here,

farts and all.

——————————————–

Life and love:

both are optional.

Fight like hell.

———————

Be kind to others.

You never know what’s under

their pants. Two fake legs?

————-

Choose to be happy.

Nothing in life is that bad.

At least you have feet.

—————————————————–

Wednesday April 18, 2012

Nick has found himself in quite the little pickle. A few weeks ago, he gave his phone number to some questionable online survey company. You know what that means: late night phone calls from Delaware or Kansas selling kitchen utensils and gold-plated windshield wipers. Awesome.

He got a good one today though. “Answer these five questions and you’ll get a free cruise to the Bahamas.”

The five questions were no big deal; it was the two hours he spent dodging their relentless up-selling that earned him the “free” cruise.

So, we’re going to the Bahamas! …sometime in the next 18 months. Thank you Nick for sacrificing your stretch time this morning to get us a free vacation.

 

Nick, Mom, Dad 4-15-12

Enjoying a gorgeous Sunday afternoon on Moms porch. The peaceful lake view never gets old, plus, we were celebrating Seth’s birthday.

Wednesday April 17, 2012

Nick took a nasty spill on the way to his massage this evening. Couldn’t be better timing right? He’s okay; it didn’t hurt too bad. He got up from his chair, hooked his toe on something, tumbled forward across the floor, and rolled to his side. A graceful maneuver scoring him an impressive 9.5.

In less-exciting news, I’ve officially started writing my book. At last! It will be a collection of short stories of our experiences from the last year. I’ve written three so far, with many more to materialize. I’d like some suggestions. If there is something in particular you’d like me to write about in the book, let me know. I’m focusing on the humor and raw-ness of it all, so nothing is off-limits.

Push Girls TV show!

Oh my GOD! You’ve got to check out these sexy girls, living incredible lives with spinal cord injuries.
Inspiring, beautiful women! I love it!

Treadmill 4-16-12

Curved treadmill that only moves when the feet makes it move. Nick hates it so good!

Walking on sand 4-16-12

Remember the last time he tried to walk on sand? Today he nailed it!

Beach lounging 4-16-12

We had an hour to burn between appointments. What a perfect opportunity to lounge on the sand.

Sunday April 15, 2012

Nick is ridiculously blessed and he knows it. He says so every day, whether he’s referring to the fundraising done for him, or the love he shares with me, or the function he is regaining in his legs. Despite having a shitty year, he knows how incredibly lucky he is.

Nick is not fully healed, but he’s ready to give back. An injured jumper he’s never met has turned to Nick for advice, guidance, and a sympathetic ear. They’ve talked and texted a few times. Nick is finding meaning in his own life through helping another person.

Two days ago, Nick got a surprise call from his ER nurse at the County Hospital. Tommy was our favorite nurse, and the one who brought Nick and Yuri together for a visit. Nick wants to do peer-visits at hospitals and rehabs for new amputees and spinal cord injury patients, so Tommy is looking into finding a program for Nick to participate in. If there is no program, they might create one.

The support Nick received from other people with similar injuries is priceless. He turned to our friend Micah for advice about his spinal cord injury. We were visited several times by amputees. Jay, a double amputee for over 20 years, came to our home shortly after getting out of the hospital. I still find inspiration from that brief visit, harnessing the vision of living a life unaffected by our current emotional ups and downs.

If you know of someone with a recent spinal cord injury or amputation, please feel comfortable sending them our way. Nick would love the opportunity to serve.

12 Hours at a Yoga Festival

I changed my mind. Women are good at that, aren’t we? I spent a brief 12 hours at the yoga fest and drove home at the end of the night. Torrential rains, a muddy parking lot, a new car, and port-o-potty’s are not a good combo. Besides, I had my fill of exploring the depths of my soul. I wanted to come home.

I had a wonderful experience, and I’m so glad I did that for myself. It reminded me that I need to do more activities that I love. We both do. As I write this, I’m, well, writing (which I love), and Nick is taking apart his RC truck and installing new shocks (which is fun for him, somehow). I mention this because we are taking time to do things we enjoy, just not often, and not epic.

As promised, I am beginning to publish short essays. In time, they will have their own home on the website, but for now, I’ll include them within the dated blog entries. Below is just a spoonful from my experience at the yoga festival yesterday.

——————

I don’t wear a turban. Due to my blatant turban-less-ness, I was outnumbered and out-of-place practicing Kundalini yoga at the Sat Nam Fest this weekend. (Sat Nam rhymes with hot mom.) The air was frigid in Joshua Tree. Suddenly wearing a turban seemed desirable, almost essential. The brewing storm clouds gave way to a ferociously chilly breeze, and eventually rain, which kept hundreds of festival-going yogi’s seeking shelter in a giant tent.

I knew no one, and actively participated in my nobody-knowing-ness. I wandered alone, I dined alone, and I yoga’d alone. I was basking in aloneness, contently sitting within 1 foot of people on either side, so close I could recognize what they ate for lunch. I uttered not a word, and shared not a glance. One man sat so close to me that I knew which nostril he was using to innocently serenade me with a tender little nostril-lullaby. The lack of obligation to pass the time with incessant chatter was refreshing to me. Certainly, there was ample chitchat all around; the tent hummed, but I sat in silence.

My body was still, but my mind jutted back and forth to thoughts of my Dad’s health, of the Dalai Lama’s gambling problem, and of the woman in front of me who shouldn’t wear white pants. I could compose a literary trilogy on women at this festival who shouldn’t wear white pants, but I won’t, mainly because that’s mean, and secondly because they are secure in their sense of self and don’t care what others think. The best part of them not caring was that while there, I didn’t have to care either. My 12 hours in Joshua Tree were freeing in a self exploratory, could’ve-gotten-away-with-white-pants kind of way.

Each Breath of Fire I engaged in cleansed my heart of suffering. Every mantra I chanted vibrated my energy to the moon. Each conscious moment with my eyes closed, I came closer to understanding why I was there.

I wasn’t there for the yoga (good thing, since we didn’t do much of it). I was there to be gently guided into the depths of my being. Yesterday I spent 12 healing hours by myself immersed into the repetitive rhythms of chant and etherial melodies. Today I emerged freshly motivated and ready to save the world.

If you’re still wondering about the Dalai Lama’s gambling problem, it’s nothing too serious, he just loves Tibet.

Thursday April 12, 2012

Tonight I am packing for a trip. A solo trip. This will be my first night away from home without Nick in almost a year. I’ll leave early Friday morning and drive to the majestic Joshua Tree National Forest where I will be camping in my car for a night (maybe two) while attending a Kundalini yoga event called Sat Nam Fest.

It feels so right!

There will be yoga, meditation, live music, and bountiful vegetarian meals. I can think of no better occasion to slip away for a few days and revitalize my sense of self.

I have no doubt that Nick will flourish during his inaugural night alone. He’s beyond ready, and it will be healthy for us both. I look forward to returning to his side on Saturday night (maybe Sunday morning) with a clear mind, open heart, and fresh panorama.

In other news…

Since I’ve switched to the new blog format at WordPress.com, I now have access to my site-view statistics.

In the last 7 days, NickFener.com has received 2,949 hits from the following countries:

USA, Canada, UK, Finland, Italy, New Zealand, Denmark, Australia, France, Netherlands, Germany, Turkey, Morocco, Poland, Cayman Islands, Israel, South Africa, Republic of South Korea, Singapore, Sweden, Chile, India, Azerbaijan, Greece and Spain.

And believe it or not, it’s been a slow week! Thank you friends for your continued support.

P.S. if you’re the lone dude in Azerbaijan, will you message me? I dream of one day taking a rail car through your part of the world.

Wednesday April 11, 2012

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a new and improved Nick Fener on our hands. Since he began walking more often, he is confident, sure footed, happy, and motivated. He is making transitions that were nearly impossible a mere week ago. I believe he was capable of this sooner though. Physically ready, but perhaps not mentally. That’s the power of decision. When you’re ready to change something in your life, you must make the decision. A week ago, he was finally ready. He woke up and realized that he was making excuses for still using his wheelchair at times when he could very well use his crutches. He was trying to save his energy for the big workouts, which I understand, but he needed to be walking more often.

Then one day he decided to make the change.

He was ready to stop making excuses.

As an able-bodied person, it’s easy to make excuses for not taking care of ourselves the way we should, for not working out daily, or for grabbing a quick burger instead of cooking a healthy dinner. We make excuses for all sorts of bad habits and negative behaviors.

It isn’t easy to identify Nick’s excuses, because he has a legitimate reason much of the time: he is in a lot of pain. But him spending too much time resting is a negative behavior akin to any other bad habit. His healing body needs to move to grow. He can’t afford NOT to push himself.

There are times when he still needs his chair, and that’s okay. But the new Nick Fener only uses it when he absolutely has to. No more excuses!

Tuesday April 10, 2012

I’ve been buzzing with excitement for the past week, and it’s finally time to announce why. A few weeks ago I signed up for an online writing course called How to Write Better that’s taking place during the month of April. One of my favorite writers, Joshua Fields Millburn of The Minimalists is hosting the one month course. We’re in the thick of week one, and I’m already making progress.

Besides improving my grammar and style, I’m developing a powerful daily writing habit. I’ve been updating this blog almost everyday for 10 months, but many of those days I can hardly consider it writing. Often I succumb to obligatory content uploading just to get something out there. And honestly, I’m embarrassed by this. Lying in my bed, typing on my iPhone at midnight is NOT a constructive process to create anything worthwhile. Since the start of this class, I have purchased a simple desk (an office with a view!) and begun spending time at it. Our most difficult assignment is to spend 2 hours everyday “in the chair.” So far, I’ve spent more than 2 hours on most days, working it in when I can.

My creativity is flowing constantly now. When I’m away from my desk, I find myself typing notes on my phone as an essay begins to build in my head. I’m brainstorming future writing projects as my mind comes out of sleep in the mornings. I can’t stop thinking about it; I’m obsessed. (Just now, I fulfilled another homework assignment: tell 5 friends about my new passion for writing. I’m sure telling 700 of my readers will suffice.)

Last year I decided I would write a book. Now, I am in the right head-space and finally working on it. I have more than one book in my head, so I had better get busy. I’m also making some huge changes to this website very soon. I am honored (and astonished, really) by how many people continue to tune into NickFener.com daily. But I’m bored only writing “what we did today”, and like I said before, I’m embarrassed by many of my throw-together posts. My goal is to keep our family, friends and fans updated on Nick’s daily progress, while offering value to their reading experience. This means I may no longer post written updates every single day. I want to post daily, but have decided that I will only hit “publish” if I feel I’m putting out my best work possible. This is my new challenge, and I hope to keep your attention and create value for you. In my future blog entries, I am committed to weaving the unique life lessons created by Nick’s accident into the excitement of Nick’s recovery. In essence, there’s some awesome stuff coming down the pipes!

The theme of this website will be gradually shifting as well. Now that Nick’s healing is accelerating at light speeds, we are planning our next few adventures. This recovery blog will slowly mold and take the shape of an adventure and giving-back blog. For example, on the one year anniversary of his accident we will be celebrating by taking this double amputee SCUBA diving. For the one year anniversary of his final surgery, we will be returning to the sky to jump out of a plane together. And there are many, many more adventurous obstacles Nick wants to overcome. Just this morning he handed me a flier for a marathon and said, “Let’s do it.” (We already put ourselves through the misery of running one half-marathon. At the time, I declared the only way I’d do it again is for a good story. I shouldn’t have jinxed myself!) Stay tuned for his stories of struggle and bravery, contribution and triumph.

Lastly, I have finally finished writing the story about Nick’s defective parachute and how the manufacturer tried to cover it up. I’m in the last phase of editing it and will be posting it shortly, along with some interesting references. I’m relieved to be done with that painful ordeal and feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest.

Through love and creation ~ Lindsay

“Paralyzed and blind” news article link

We had the pleasure of meeting this man in February at Project Walk.

This is truly one of the saddest, yet most inspirational stories of human triumph I’ve ever seen. It’s a long article, but will make you reevaluate the perceived severity of the challenges you are currently facing.

It’s never too late to hit the mental reset button and DECIDE that “life ain’t that bad.”
(As an aside, I’m currently writing an essay on this very topic. Look for it soon.)

Sunday April 8, 2012

Happy Easter!

… or Bah Humbunnies, if you’re like me.

Nick and I had a wonderful Easter holiday with my family. I really enjoyed myself. Believe it or not, this was not only the first time in a long time that I’ve seen most of my family, but the first time ever that we’ve all gathered with Jennifer at her house. A very unique and memorable experience for the whole family. Dad was particularly thrilled. It felt good to reconnect with my people; it had been way too long.

I’m happy to report that Nick was out and about all day today and didn’t use his wheelchair once. First time ever! I knew this day was coming soon. I am so proud of him (like a soccer Mom whose son’s first ever goal won the championship game). Or something like that.
Well, to be totally honest and fair, I have to confess that Nick actually jumped out of bed and into his wheelchair in a flurry at midnight… The washing machine broke and was flooding the laundry room, and even though there was nothing he could do, he had to investigate the source of the problem. But that was after midnight, once he had already gone to bed, so it didn’t count.

Wheelchair-less Day #1 – Check!

Friday April 6, 2012

I’m really enjoying going to Project Walk with Nick. I get 3 days a week of quality time with him and with myself. We get an hour of conversation each way. Sometimes we use that time to plan and day dream. Other times (like today) we use it to make necessary phone calls. I drop him off 30-40 minutes before his session starts and head straight for the beach. After an hour of sprints, lunges, stairs, and some of my most inspired thinking, I go back to see the second half of Nick’s work out. I find great value in watching his journey with therapy. I’m living it! Ten months ago I all but lost my own legs, I’m so invested.

We were having a wonderful day until we got home at 3PM. It turns out Nick’s phantom pain has been unusually persistent for the past week, but it never got brought up. What a thoughtful guy. He hates complaining and being negative, so he just kept it to himself. Well, this afternoon it was just too much for him to bear.

It’s amazing how therapeutic and healing deep breathing is. He started his quest to feel better by drawing in some slow, deep breaths; exhaling into relaxation and allowing his weary body to sink into the bed. Full-lung breathing is phenomenal, but touch is far more healing. The iPod played soothing Indian sitar music while I massaged his back and legs for 40 minutes. The painful, throbbing sensations weren’t gone, but he surmounted the heavy emotions and helplessness so deeply rooted in his phantom pains.

Moments like these happen more often than I write about, but it’s the methods we use to heal and overcome such heartache that I am most proud of. I recall some of my worst moments since Nick’s accident being alleviated by a hug, shoulder rub, or caress on my hand. Human touch is powerful beyond words. In fact one of Nick’s favorite emotional diffusers over the years has been to reach out and touch my hand. My anger or frustration always melts away and I instantly know that love transcends those negative, painful emotions.

Thursday April 5, 2012

A pivotal shift has finally occurred in Fener Land. This adjustment has been weeks in the making (we’ve had the same discussion many, many times). The crutches will now be taking the wheelchair’s place as Nick’s main mode of transportation. Not on long treks, but definitely all the short ones.

His constant tailbone pain has been holding him back from making this necessary switch, and honestly, his pain level hasn’t calmed down much. What has changed is Nick’s attitude about it: he realizes he has a choice. Either he steps up his game now despite the pain, or he waits for the pain to subside before going to the next level (which isn’t guaranteed to happen). In typical Fener fashion, he has wisely chosen to work through the pain, suck it up, and get to walkin’.

So from now on, if you see Fener in his wheelchair, it’ll be for good reason (like his pain is elevated, he has a great distance to travel, or a 5-year-old needs a ride). Otherwise, He Be Crutchin’.

Wednesday April 4, 2012

It’s important to cherish the simple things in life: a good song, perfect weather, a warm hug, fresh fruit, a fart that doesn’t smell. So often we zoom through our day without taking time to appreciate the subtle gifts so easily overlooked. This afternoon gave us the most perfect weather I could imagine, so Nick and I sat together briefly on the front porch to enjoy it. There was no reason to be perched out there other than to experience the sunshine and warm breeze.

In that transient moment, life was perfect.

When was the last time you turned an ordinary moment into something extraordinary just by deciding to do so? Imagine how much richer our days would be if we sought to see the beauty in the boring? -the humor in the humdrum? -the delight in the dull? -the terrific in the tedious? Do it right now; commit, that is, to allowing yourself to enjoy moments of your life that would normally pass by without notice. I’m doing it – at this very moment – because writing this blog feels so good.

Broken leg 4/4/12

A broken leg and wicked sunburn makes Nick a sad, sad man. At least we don’t have to take another trip to the hospital for this break.

Tuesday April 3, 2012

I knew it was coming, I just never knew when. Yet as it was finally happening, I became a stone statue, unable to move or respond. Nick didn’t just fall down, he created his own dance moves as he was trying to catch himself. Picture this: we are walking toward the door at Project Walk, approaching an obstacle “ladder” laid out on the ground that the trainers are working out with. They step aside, allowing Nick to pass. Instead of walking through, Nick begins side stepping through the ladder – with his crutches – lifting his knees to the beat of the music. I still can’t figure out when the joking around ended and the panic began. In fact, none of us could. He fought hard to keep from falling; feet stomping, crutches flailing, and not a sound from his mouth. Then… he was on his ass, laughter erupting all around. Ouch. He won’t be messing around like that for a while.

After only a few hours by the pool yesterday, Nicks sunburned skin is as red as a pomegranate. His stomach and back are the only burned parts though, because those areas obviously didn’t need sun block. Obviously. Ouch again.

Unfortunately his training session was cancelled today, but Fener and I went to the gym anyway. After only 6 minutes on the treadmill, he was on fire. Pain was pulsing down his back, butt, and legs. Motivated by his August 18th skydiving deadline, he pushed himself to walk a total of 15 minutes. That’s sheer awesomeness! I’m so proud of that man. Whether he is physically ready to jump by August 18th or not, if he keeps up the hard work, he will be so much closer a normal life than he is now. I’m rooting for him to jump, but I’m not attached to it. It will happen when he’s ready.

Water legs 3/31/12

Taking the ol’ water legs for a test drive.

Toenail polish 4/1/12

Look closely, Nick is getting his toenails painted with a fun and funky hue of sparkly blue glitter. Spa Fener mobile salon, poolside at the Hyatt.

Sunday April 1, 2012

The lesson I’ve extracted from this weekend is to release the pain. We can’t hold on forever. There comes a moment – sometimes it’s a symbolic moment – when it’s not only okay, but it’s the absolute perfect moment to let go.

We are in San Diego for the weekend with some friends to celebrate the life of a good friend and join together to recognize the 1-year anniversary of his passing. In doing so, we are releasing him and letting go of the pain of losing him. Symbolically, in a casual ceremony-like gathering, we set free dozens of live butterflies in memory of Pat. That beautiful, unifying moment was so healing.

Enjoying a brief mini-break this weekend after enduring a rougher than average week is just what I needed to clear my head. I have too much stuff bouncing around in this noggin of mine, accompanied by lack of direction and not enough focus. Getting out of my element allows me to dream and play again; my two favorite pastimes that I’ve all but forgotten how to enjoy recently.

The lesson of letting go went straight to my core. I’ve been holding onto the pain of our lives being torn apart. There have even been times recently when I felt paralyzed. That’s the pain of loss. Well I’m tired of hurting, and I crave to move forward and push through it. Essentially it’s time to suck it up and Get Busy Living. I feel like I made huge emotional progress this weekend. Thanks Pat!

Nick brought his new water legs to San Diego and tried them out yesterday in the hotel pool. The test swim was brief because it was cold and the pool was crowded. He was given a “waterproof” sleeve that slides from mid-socket (mid-calf) up above his regular liners (mid-thigh) to keep water from getting in the sockets. It turns out their definition of waterproof differs greatly from ours. His liners and socks were soaked after he got out. We can’t quite figure this one out… how come they’re not waterproof? Will be calling the prosthetist on Tuesday.

Enjoying life again. I’ve missed this feeling.