Happy New Year y’all!
I’m officially naming 2012 The ComeBack Year! Going into 2013, I can’t help but feel like we’ve arrived!
Nick and I aren’t setting “resolutions” per se, but we are going to sit down and write out our goals for the year. Likely, goals that don’t include things like “walk again” or “go a full day without the wheelchair” or “balance for 25 seconds unassisted.”
2013 will be about moving forward, not catching up. And since Nick’s already back to jumping, I think we’ve got a pretty good start.
We ended the year with working out today and spending time with friends, and we will welcome the new year with the same thing tomorrow on the 1st.
Health and happiness.
When you break down the complexities of everyday life, doesn’t it all boil down to these two things anyway?
I’m at a crossroads right now. I know that, regarding life, I can go in whatever direction I choose. But I suffer from womanhood; I can’t seem to make a decision. At least not about anything truly important.
This leads me to The New Year. This year I want to make decisions more quickly, more definitively, and with more guts. I’m tired of him-hawing around. I’m 32 and in the prime of my life. Opportunities abound, I just need to figure out which ones to take and which ones to let go of. I didn’t “waste” the last year and a half, but I certainly did diverge from my life plan. Shit, I didn’t just diverge from it, I stomped it to oblivion. The old plan is gone, and similar to my childhood, it’s fun to think about at times until I realize it’s gone forever, maturity robbing it of it’s magic.
I’ve been so caught up in Nick’s world that I haven’t spent much time in my own. Even now, three weeks after his first jump back, I’m still tangled in the mess of discovering who I am and what I want from life now. I haven’t figured it out yet, but I know it’s not the same as it used to be. How could it be? The events of the last year and a half have skewed my view of life and love and mortality and value and purpose and passion and happiness so much so that I sometimes get lost in all the new ideas and attitudes I have developed. And what does that mean moving forward? How can I make the most of life? How can I make it count? Like REALLY count. How can I give the most? Live the most? Love the most? Connect and care the most? Experience and learn the most? How? How? How?
Analysis paralysis. I just don’t know where to start, and that’s the basis for my New Years Resolution: to shit, or get off the pot. Reorganize. Prioritize. And take action! Vague, I know, but this is the first step, to no longer settle for lengthy spans of indecision.
Christmas 2012 was truly fantastic. We started with a leisurely wake up and surprise visit from my Dad. We had no idea he was coming. In fact, he specifically told me we would not be seeing him this Christmas because he had several other places to go. Well, when he walked in our front door that morning he startled the shit out of us. He only stayed for 11 minutes before he hit the road again. It was like a drive-by. Wham Bam Thank You Dad!
After Dad took off we both worked out separately, but each worked our legs. Nick did the home workout Bri gave him and even used my 5lb ankle weights on his stumps for some of the moves. It was a great warm up for the fun day (and for the apple cobbler Nick later ate).
At Mom Fener’s house we spent hours laughing, hanging out, eating her amazing food, and playing cards. Somehow I managed to bypass the sweets, even when Seth brought the tray of fudge over and sat it down right in front of me! Mom’s holiday hospitality was warm and jolly as usual.
Despite the great time I had on Christmas eve and day, I am thrilled it’s over. I am ready to move on. I’m ready for 2013.
The Fener boys chillin’ on Christmas Day.
Here’s our holiday e-card. We have lots to celebrate and be thankful for this year, including the sense of humor we haven’t lost.
We spent Christmas eve with Nicks Dad and brother Seth. After a killer Thai food lunch, Seth treated us to some goKart races where Nick managed to smoke us all using his legs (instead of hand controls)! Then we went back to Seth’s place where Nick beat him at a competitive game of pool. PaFart still beat Nick though. Nick’s one of those guys who is good at everything, even with a fused spine and two fake legs. Damn it!
Anyway- Merry Christmas y’all! Hope it’s a perfect balance of magical and economical!
My new favorite food! For anyone who loves peanut butter, but doesn’t like how calorically dense it is, PB2 is for YOU! I just found out about it (thank you Amanda) and ran out to buy it right away.
It’s powdered peanut butter. They pressed a lot of the oil and fat out. You mix with water and voila! It’s delish, all natural, and totally fits into my diet.
You can order online or go to their website and find a store near you. I found it at Nutrishop. Not cheap, but worth it.
Well, the world didn’t end. In fact, in our lives, it’s just beginning.
We’ve both been working out a lot, getting stronger everyday. Bri set Nick up with a home workout for his legs. It took him an hour and a half to complete it today.
Nick’s been feeling pretty good lately, even though phantom pain and sensations have been fucking with him. But he rarely complains. I know he’s just so grateful to be up on his feet and moving forward with life again. He knows how blessed he is to be walking with a spinal cord injury as severe as his. He doesn’t take his miraculous recovery for granted, he’s still working hard everyday to get more back. I think there will always be room for him to grow and get stronger. He can never stop. What it takes for Nick to just maintain the level of movement he’s gained, is like an able-bodied person training for an Iron Man.
Nick said thank you this morning. He does that a lot. But this time, it stopped me in my tracks. He thanked me for dedicating myself to him and his recovery, for being by his side and never giving up even when it.
He thanked me as I lay in bed somewhat fragile with a pulled muscle in my upper back/neck area. I’m a better caregiver than patient. And he’s a better patient than caregiver. That’s just how it is, so I guess we lucked out didn’t we?
He then offered to massage me, a rare treat I wasn’t about to let slip away. He removed his legs, climbed across the bed to kneel over my back and try to make me feel better. He didn’t sleep well the last few nights, so I don’t dare take this kind gesture lightly.
Thank you Nick for taking care of me. I love you.