Happy New Year 2013

Happy New Year y’all!

I’m officially naming 2012 The ComeBack Year! Going into 2013, I can’t help but feel like we’ve arrived!

Nick and I aren’t setting “resolutions” per se, but we are going to sit down and write out our goals for the year. Likely, goals that don’t include things like “walk again” or “go a full day without the wheelchair” or “balance for 25 seconds unassisted.”

2013 will be about moving forward, not catching up. And since Nick’s already back to jumping, I think we’ve got a pretty good start.

We ended the year with working out today and spending time with friends, and we will welcome the new year with the same thing tomorrow on the 1st.

Health and happiness.

When you break down the complexities of everyday life, doesn’t it all boil down to these two things anyway?

Lindsay’s New Years Resolution 2013

I’m at a crossroads right now. I know that, regarding life, I can go in whatever direction I choose. But I suffer from womanhood; I can’t seem to make a decision. At least not about anything truly important.

This leads me to The New Year. This year I want to make decisions more quickly, more definitively, and with more guts. I’m tired of him-hawing around. I’m 32 and in the prime of my life. Opportunities abound, I just need to figure out which ones to take and which ones to let go of. I didn’t “waste” the last year and a half, but I certainly did diverge from my life plan. Shit, I didn’t just diverge from it, I stomped it to oblivion. The old plan is gone, and similar to my childhood, it’s fun to think about at times until I realize it’s gone forever, maturity robbing it of it’s magic.

I’ve been so caught up in Nick’s world that I haven’t spent much time in my own. Even now, three weeks after his first jump back, I’m still tangled in the mess of discovering who I am and what I want from life now. I haven’t figured it out yet, but I know it’s not the same as it used to be. How could it be? The events of the last year and a half have skewed my view of life and love and mortality and value and purpose and passion and happiness so much so that I sometimes get lost in all the new ideas and attitudes I have developed. And what does that mean moving forward? How can I make the most of life? How can I make it count? Like REALLY count. How can I give the most? Live the most? Love the most? Connect and care the most? Experience and learn the most? How? How? How?

Analysis paralysis. I just don’t know where to start, and that’s the basis for my New Years Resolution: to shit, or get off the pot. Reorganize. Prioritize. And take action! Vague, I know, but this is the first step, to no longer settle for lengthy spans of indecision.

Our Gay Yuletide 2012

Christmas 2012 was truly fantastic. We started with a leisurely wake up and surprise visit from my Dad. We had no idea he was coming. In fact, he specifically told me we would not be seeing him this Christmas because he had several other places to go. Well, when he walked in our front door that morning he startled the shit out of us. He only stayed for 11 minutes before he hit the road again. It was like a drive-by. Wham Bam Thank You Dad!

After Dad took off we both worked out separately, but each worked our legs. Nick did the home workout Bri gave him and even used my 5lb ankle weights on his stumps for some of the moves. It was a great warm up for the fun day (and for the apple cobbler Nick later ate).

At Mom Fener’s house we spent hours laughing, hanging out, eating her amazing food, and playing cards. Somehow I managed to bypass the sweets, even when Seth brought the tray of fudge over and sat it down right in front of me! Mom’s holiday hospitality was warm and jolly as usual.

Despite the great time I had on Christmas eve and day, I am thrilled it’s over. I am ready to move on. I’m ready for 2013.

The Fener boys chillin’ on Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas y’all

Here’s our holiday e-card. We have lots to celebrate and be thankful for this year, including the sense of humor we haven’t lost.

We spent Christmas eve with Nicks Dad and brother Seth. After a killer Thai food lunch, Seth treated us to some goKart races where Nick managed to smoke us all using his legs (instead of hand controls)! Then we went back to Seth’s place where Nick beat him at a competitive game of pool. PaFart still beat Nick though. Nick’s one of those guys who is good at everything, even with a fused spine and two fake legs. Damn it!

Anyway- Merry Christmas y’all! Hope it’s a perfect balance of magical and economical!

PB2– my new fave food!

My new favorite food! For anyone who loves peanut butter, but doesn’t like how calorically dense it is, PB2 is for YOU! I just found out about it (thank you Amanda) and ran out to buy it right away.

It’s powdered peanut butter. They pressed a lot of the oil and fat out. You mix with water and voila! It’s delish, all natural, and totally fits into my diet.

You can order online or go to their website and find a store near you. I found it at Nutrishop. Not cheap, but worth it.

You’re welcome!

Still moving along

Well, the world didn’t end. In fact, in our lives, it’s just beginning.

We’ve both been working out a lot, getting stronger everyday. Bri set Nick up with a home workout for his legs. It took him an hour and a half to complete it today.

Nick’s been feeling pretty good lately, even though phantom pain and sensations have been fucking with him. But he rarely complains. I know he’s just so grateful to be up on his feet and moving forward with life again. He knows how blessed he is to be walking with a spinal cord injury as severe as his. He doesn’t take his miraculous recovery for granted, he’s still working hard everyday to get more back. I think there will always be room for him to grow and get stronger. He can never stop. What it takes for Nick to just maintain the level of movement he’s gained, is like an able-bodied person training for an Iron Man.

Nick the caregiver

Nick said thank you this morning. He does that a lot. But this time, it stopped me in my tracks. He thanked me for dedicating myself to him and his recovery, for being by his side and never giving up even when it.

He thanked me as I lay in bed somewhat fragile with a pulled muscle in my upper back/neck area. I’m a better caregiver than patient. And he’s a better patient than caregiver. That’s just how it is, so I guess we lucked out didn’t we?

He then offered to massage me, a rare treat I wasn’t about to let slip away. He removed his legs, climbed across the bed to kneel over my back and try to make me feel better. He didn’t sleep well the last few nights, so I don’t dare take this kind gesture lightly.

Thank you Nick for taking care of me. I love you.

Busy Living…

Now that we’ve got Nick back to skydiving – and he’s proven he can do it safely – it’s time for him to learn how to fly all over again.

He sure isn’t the same up there, despite “being better than expected,” as friends keep telling him. (He’s made a total of four jumps so far.)

His legs are still weak and he has no arch. He’s basically getting to learn how to skydive all over again. The irony is this: he used to always tell students to slow down and enjoy the process, to embrace the frustration, because you only get to be “new” once. Well, Nick, I think you’ve proven yourself wrong buddy. This is a whole new ball game; learning to fly with a fused spine and two fake legs.

He’s gratefully stoked for the opportunity though. It really feels different around here. There is a lightness to the atmosphere in our home, an upswing of our general moods, an unspoken knowing that life isn’t going to get better; life IS better.

Life can go on. Life IS going on. Life isn’t just happening to us anymore. We are making it happen.

There has been a significant shift in perspective since his first jump. We’ve begun real, thoughtful, detailed talks about our future. Prior to the jump, our minds were so short sighted. We lived “foot step to foot step.” Quite literally.

It’s going to take some time for us to really gain momentum in life again, but with Nick skydiving again, I can say wholeheartedly that the ball is finally rolling.

Fener jumps again!

Last Saturday, December 8th proved to be the pinnacle of Nick’s recovery, even though he still has plenty of rehab left. His big day has come and gone; over 18 months of build-up resulted in a climax that did not disappoint.

With the help of our friends Paul, Jared, and Blue, we loaded two cars full of tables, chairs, coolers, food, skydiving equipment, and T-shirts the night before so we could get an early start that morning. Tsunami Skydivers is about an hour drive from our house and we wanted to arrive between 9:30-10am to make necessary preparations before our friends and family began showing up. It was a beautiful day with bright blue skies and warm-for-December temperatures down in Oceanside.

When we pulled up we were greeted by lots of smiling faces (of course my Dad was already there waiting for us!) and got busy right away. Our first order of business was to check out the plane. We’d never jumped from a PAC 750 before, so there were a few unknowns, like how Nick would get in, how the seating would be arranged, and how the exit would go.

Nick practicing his climb-out on the PAC750

The step ladder was no problem for him, and we were thrilled to find the plane had foam seats to keep Nick’s ass off the floor.

Once we cinched down our plan for getting out of the plane, we hopped in the van and headed over to the landing area to have another look at where Nick would be landing and to get an idea of where the spectators would be.

The landing area at Tsunami Skydivers is awesome! It’s flat and the dirt/grass is unusually soft. Not to mention the winds are almost always mild and predictable, and you always have a cushy ride back across the runway to pack!

By the time we finished the safety briefings, our friends started coming in droves. It reminded me a little bit of Feet For Fener, in that we were again the center of attention and surrounded by the love and support of all of our best friends. We were honored to have some very special people there with us. People who directly helped Nick get back on his feet again, and who shared the painful journey with us. Tommy Gann, the extraordinarily talented emergency trauma nurse who helped save Nick’s life, brought his family out to watch Nick jump. John Mayberry, Nick’s lead physical therapist at Ballard Rehab hospital, who taught Nick to transfer and maneuver a wheelchair, who personally prepared us for life on our own, made the long drive to Oceanside that day. He even wore his Fener shirt! Friend and fellow skydiver Bill Collins, Nick’s first outpatient physical therapist before he even had prostheses, and who worked hard to get Nick strong enough and flexible enough to stand on his legs when he got them, brought his girlfriend out to celebrate with us. Bri Hamilton, Nick’s lead specialist at Project Walk, who took ownership in Nick’s recovery and worked just as hard as he did every single week when they were together, brought her husband and made TWO tandem skydives! Eric Harness, co-founder of Project Walk and the man who showed Nick “no mercy” every Friday, pushing Nick’s limits and guaranteeing very sore Saturdays, came out with his family to support Nick. Harold Owens, Nick’s current personal trainer who has been killing Nick’s core and upper body to get him ready for the jump, was there with his wife Jill to cheer Nick on.

And like Feet For Fener there was money being raised, but this time not for Nick. We sold left over Fener shirts for donations to the Project Walk Scholarship Fund. Actually, we didn’t sell a thing, our friends Carrie and Idar manned the T-shirt table all day and worked the crowd, raising almost $1000. That’s nine hours of specialized therapy at Project Walk for someone rehabilitating from a spinal cord injury. Carrie and Idar were also responsible for gathering the canned food I asked people to bring for the food drive. Together we collected a giant pile of food and drinks that the Salvation Army was thrilled to pick up the next day.

It was hard to pull Nick away from all the friends who were excited to see and talk to him, but eventually we had to get ready for the jump. I told everyone he would be jumping at noon, but we were still mingling and soaking in the scene at noon, enjoying the company of our friends way too much to get down to business. But I stole Nick away and we sat down with our super star camera girl Karen Dalton and our additional lurking AFF instructor Paul Rodriguez and planned out the details of the dive. We were so stoked that Karen agreed to shoot video for us that day, especially because it meant flying with a monstrous camera that required special mounting on her helmet.

Karen, in her bad ass custom helmet, sighting in the massive camera, wearing a Fener shirt! Photo by Idar Kvam

The plan for the jump was that Nick would climb outside of the plane and hold on to the bar while I ducked inside grabbing his arms. Nick would signal the exit count with a thrust of his head and we would leap out together while Karen dropped below us and Paul followed right after. Nick and I would be face-to-face, give each other a kiss, then let go of one hand and open up for the camera. I’d then let go of him completely and we’d all sit there and watch Nick fly stable on his belly and do a 360 degree turn if he felt like it. We agreed that none of us would pull any impromptu maneuvers no matter how tempting, and that Nick would pull in place at 5,000 feet. Easy. We are all experienced instructors and between the four of us we have over 20,000 skydives total. At the risk of shattering the illusion of excitement and danger for my non-skydiving readers, this skydive was engineered to be extremely routine, and frankly, kind of boring. It was designed to be safe, to see what Nick’s really capable of in the sky, and to get good footage for the documentary and pictures for the wall.

Before Nick geared up for the jump he stood up and said a little Thank You to the crowd, making sure to publicly acknowledge Bri and Eric and Project Walk for being the secret sauce that got Nick to this point after his injury. But they weren’t the only ones who came from P-Dub! We were joined by several other clients who have become friends, one of the other trainers, and our favorite pseudo-Mom Kay Ledson. We were shocked to see everyone, yet at the same time not surprised at all. There’s a brotherhood at Project Walk that is so strong it’s like a family. Even though Nick and I don’t spend a lot of time down there because we always have a long drive home, we consider the people at Project Walk our extended family. Our friends there continue to inspire and motivate us. It was truly an honor to have so many of them come out to support Nick.

Nick talking to his friends and family just before the jump. We loved the fact that Tsunami Skydivers offered an intimate environment for everyone to meet everyone else. It was perfect!

The Project Walk crew who came our for Nick’s jump. (Minus Bri and Ke)

It was GO time before you know it, and I was just rushing around like a crazy person by this point. The timing was awkward. Nick didn’t want to gear up too soon, for fear of exhausting himself with the heavy equipment. We knew it would take him the longest to get ready, but of course, nothing was going to happen until he was ready to go.

The crowd watched Nick’s every move as he geared up.

Last minute adjustments to Nick’s microphone. That’s Doug, Match and John helping out.

By the time we got our shit together and made the short walk to the plane, we still weren’t ready to board. Our agenda included a pre-planned photo-op in front of the plane, all geared up, with a few key people in the crowd. And because of Nick’s dwindling energy, we didn’t get to snap photos with everyone we would have liked to.

Everyone on the load for Nick’s first jump back. Kneeling in the front is Ricardo, then there’s Karen, Paul, Nick, Me, Jenn and Mike Nootbaar both doing tandems, Brinkman, Bandito, Carson, and in the back are tandem instructors Isaiah and Dave (not visible), and MooTang. Photo by Amanda Burgess

That’s my nervous smile! But Nick, he was as cool as the other side of the pillow. Photo by Idar Kvam

Everything was happening so fast. The adrenaline was really flowing, and the anticipation of the biggest moment of our lives was looming just ahead. I stood back as Nick climbed the step ladder into the plane. I just couldn’t believe it was finally happening. Everything we had been working for was boiling down to these next few moments. Had I missed anything? Was he going to be alright? Was I going to fuck up the skydive? All these crazy worries flashed into my head as I watched Nick stumble his way into the plane, accidentally smashing the GoPro attached to his foot against the floor of the plane while crawling his way into place at the back of the bench. I climbed into the plane and took my seat right between his legs and looked out at our friends waving us good luck.

My perfect spot on the plane, next to Nootbaar, and in front of Nick so I could lean back and snuggle with him. The blurry Waldo way in the back is one of Nick’s best buds Vinnie, who got to ride along in the plane with us. Photo by Amanda Burgess

Two very special people couldn’t make it that day, so we took them along with us. Al and Debbie Nocita were there in spirit! Nick can’t wait to autograph this puppy and give it to them.

This one’s for you Al and Debbie!

All the jumpers got buckled in and shut the door. Rick the super cool pilot started the prop and took off down the runway. As soon as we left the ground I laid into Nick’s arms, threw my head back onto his shoulder and started to cry. He held me tight, turning his face into mine as I let everything out. It felt like 18 months of heartache was finally releasing. I cried for what we have been through, for all the pain Nick has experienced, and all the helpless moments I have watched him suffer. I cried for the knowing that the worst is behind us. We had been saying “Get Busy Living” the entire time since his accident, but it was in this moment that I realized we had only been “Getting Ready to Get Busy Living”. This skydive was more than just a skydive, it was the moment that Nick would finally Get Busy Living his life again. And I knew that I could finally move on too.

I was so preoccupied with my crying that I missed the mooning as we took off. Apparently a bunch of our girlfriends lined up along the runway and showed us their butt cheeks as we flew by. But don’t tell Nick, he’ll ask them to do it again!

As we approached 13,500 feet, everyone started to give us high fives and wish us luck. The door opened, and the rush of cool air on my face reminded me of what we were about to do. Our six friends were first to get out as a group, then Mike, then Jenn. We could see the dazzling blue Pacific a mere two and a half miles below. It was beautiful.

We closed the door and flew the plane around a few times to allow everyone to land before we got out. We put our helmets on and then realized the camera on Nick’s shoe was dislodged. A little ingenuity and gaffers tape did the trick to ensure the foot cam was a go, just in time for the green light to come back on.

Paul opened the door again, this time briefly climbing outside to turn on the two GoPro cameras mounted on the outside bar. Karen climbed out into position on the camera step as Nick scooted toward the door. He swung himself outside and fumbled to get his footing on the step. His big, awkward feet with unforgiving, rigid ankles required his full attention in order for him to get into place. I grabbed onto his shoulders, took a deep breath and gave him a shake.

Ready.

Set.

Go.

Nick let go of the plane at the same split second that I lunged forward holding onto him. In that instant there was no sound, no struggle. I lifted my chin to look at his face. His cheeks were scrunched and his mouth was wide open in a screaming smile. I couldn’t see his eyes through the sunglasses, but I knew they were staring deep into mine.

Our exit came off a little steep and I rotated over the top of him, landing us both perfectly stable onto our backs, staring at one another. Without a hesitation, like we had practiced a thousand times, we instinctively rolled over in the same direction and leveled out onto our bellies. Karen and Paul came flying up and I pulled Nick in tight for a mid air kiss. I could feel his energy through his lips. His raw excitement was magnetic. We flew together for a few more seconds, looking at the camera, waving our hands and smiling before I let him go.

The second we left the plane. Nick’s first taste of freedom in over 18 months. Photo by Karen Dalton

He flew in front of Karen, did the 360 we talked about, and smiled so big for the camera I thought his cheeks would fly off. I could tell he never wanted it to end. He was finally doing what he had always wanted to do. I was so proud.

The happiest dude EVER! Photo by Karen Dalton

At 5,000 feet he reached back and pulled his parachute, leaving me and Karen falling away from him to open our own. The view at Tsunami Skydivers in Oceanside is truly breathtaking. From altitude you can see Catalina and Big Bear and the glistening blue ocean below.

I followed Paul and Karen into the landing area and was greeted by the screams of all my friends. I screamed too, completely overwhelmed by the energy they were giving me.

Nick hung up there in the sky a while under his blue and grey Saffire2 209 canopy, all the while the star of the show. As he descended on his final approach the roar of the crowd escalated. People were cheering and cowbells were ringing! A giant blue tarp that read GET BUSY LIVING was sitting in the middle of the landing area and Nick aimed right for it. He landed safely, of course, just as he planned.

Nick coming in for his first landing. The crowd was going crazy at this point. Photo by Amanda Burgess

Just about to touch down, right next to the Get Busy Living banner that Candi and Jason made. Photo by Amanda Burgess

And he’s SAFE! A perfect slide-in landing that didn’t jar his back or his legs one bit. Photo by Karen Dalton

Everything that happened after he landed is pretty blurry for me except for one eternal second.

Our Top Gun moment.

This picture reminds me of my promise to Nick: We’re going to get through this together.

The scene after Nick’s landing. One of the happiest moments I’ve ever had.

Not quite everyone… but almost. We all had the after-jump glow! Photo by Amanda Burgess

Triumph after tragedy. Photo by Amanda Burgess

Ever since this day, I’ve been racking my brain to think of another point in my life where I was happier, more alive, and more in love. There isn’t one. For most women, their wedding day is the best day of their life. And maybe one day that will be true for me. But for now, I can say with every ounce of my soul that being by Nick’s side as he returned to skydiving, conquering an injury that stole so much from us and almost took his life, was the happiest day of my life. My cheeks and jaw hurt from the uncontrollable smile plastered on my face, and I was exhausted for days afterward. We’re still dwelling in the afterglow of that day, and reminiscing about what it took to get there.

Thank you to every single person who has supported us on our journey to get our lives back. To Nick’s family for their unwavering, selfless support. To everyone who gave part of themselves to make Nick’s recovery possible. To everyone who came to Tsunami Skydivers to watch Nick jump. And to Rich Grimm for believing in us.

Now go. Get Busy Living.

The days leading to Nick’s jump

The days leading to Nick’s first jump were chaotic, even if only in my mind. Just the organizing of the event had me running, let alone the filming of the movie, the multiple appointments to get Nick a new pair of legs, the friends coming to town, and the ironing out the safety concerns of the jump itself. We were busy!

A few days prior, we test jumped the rig and canopy Nick would be using for the jump and identified a minor adjustment that we needed to make. Watching Match land the canopy gave us a visual idea of what to expect for Nick’s landing, even though he did land downwind.

We wanted the jump day to be special for our friends and family, so we planned a BBQ and provided all the fixins. We rolled out of Costco with two carts full and barely fit everything into our car!

At Costco- with 150 burgers and buns and everything in between!

Our seriously funny and faithful friends the Avadikians (of Foot Transplant Video fame) made a special trip down from Nor Cal to stay the weekend with us and celebrate Nick’s jump. I won’t go into all the details, because frankly it’s still quite a mystery, but within an hour of their arrival, around midnight Thursday night, Nick and I were following an ambulance to the hospital. We joked that Nick would finally see what it’s like to go through the front door of a hospital emergency room. Turns out Doug is going to be okay, but we all got quite a scare. And instead of leisurely enjoying their company the day before the big jump, we were visiting with them in the ICU. Oh how the tables had turned. And just like before, when Nick was the one with the gown and the IV’s, we just couldn’t stop laughing, even if we were nervous about them not being discharged in time to see Nick’s jump.

Couldn’t help myself… the situation really WAS unbelievable!

On Friday, the day before the jump, Match came out to stay with us and record everything we did leading up to the jump, including prepping lettuce and onions for 150 burgers, packing Nick’s parachute, making signs for the Project Walk fundraiser, and even kissing each other good night.

While I was with the Avadikians at the hospital that afternoon, Nick and Match visited Cyrus to pick up his brand new legs! They fit perfectly and within moments it was obvious that his walking would now be more stable and less labored. Cyrus pulled some serious strings to get Nick’s new legs in time for Saturday. We are so grateful for his dedication! Instead of wrapping them in camo like his last two pairs, this time Nick went for traditional carbon fiber. They look so cool!

It’s been five days… I know

I acknowledge the absurdity of allowing five days to pass without taking the time to sit and write a blog post about Fener’s jump day.

I also acknowledge the absurdity of the picture below.

Triumph after landing

Aaaannndd… I can’t stop staring at this one. Proud! So so proud.

Nick, Carson, and Bri pre-jump

Nick made two skydives on Saturday. I was too pooped to go on the second one (bonafide adrenaline overdose), so Nick went with his buddy Carson. Karen filmed this jump as well, getting amazing footage and stills, and they both landed exclaiming that Nick still free flys better than them.

Pictured here with Fener and Carson is Bri, Nicks lead specialist at Project Walk. Her and her husband jumped for the first time earlier in the day, but Bri loved it so much she went for another tandem when Nick was doing his second jump.

Behind them is hanging the tarp our friends Candi and Jay made to lay in the landing area. GET BUSY LIVING!

Fener family

I love love love this pre-jump photo of the Fener family.
If you look closely, I look like an amputee too.
Photo by Amanda Burgess

Zach, Sandee, Nick, me, Seth, all in front of the jump plane at Tsunami Skydivers.

First jump preview

Saturday was HUGE! Like, Milky Way galaxy huge… at least in our little world.

Nick didn’t just jump once, he jumped twice. Two amazing freefalls, two soft, safe landings.

I have so much to say about Saturday, the hours leading up to it, and the hours spent recovering from it. But I’m still spent from this weekend and need a little more time to process before I can put these overwhelming feelings into words.

Don’t they say a picture is worth 1000 words? Well, here’s 3000, then.

Holding on tight. Photo by Karen Lewis

Nick’s landing from a distance. Photo by Idar Kvam.

SAFE!! Photo by Karen Lewis.

Jumping his own pack job

Nick is jumping in the morning! I am so overly happy for him and he’s actually feeling rather mellow about it. He’s staring in the eye of his ultimate goal and I don’t think it’s even hit him yet. Tomorrow he will wake up and carry out a goal he has been working toward for 18 months! And he’ll wake up Sunday morning as a skydiver again.

Nick getting injured was an accident, but him returning to the sky so quickly is not. He has been busting his balls every single day to get strong enough to jump again. He has exercised paralyzed muscles into existence again, building muscle where once there was no movement at all.

To me, his recovery is spectacular, and his determination is a miracle. If anyone deserves the satisfaction of a job well done, of achieving a hard-earned goal, and of finding happiness again in the face of adversity, it’s Nick Fener. I’m so indescribably proud of him.

Nick decided to pack his own parachute for the jump tomorrow. The process was fairly easy and methodical for him. A sub-15-minute pack job for a guy with no feet is pretty good.

Wide awake

Three hours after turning the lights out to go to bed, Nick is finally asleep.

Of course, I’m left wide awake and frustrated.

He had an electrifying phantom pain attack that kept him twitching and rubbing his stumps together, so much so that it shook the whole bed.

In my frustration and delirium I’ve come up with the idea of shooting Novocain straight into his stumps when these attacks start. Where can I get my hands on some?

This phantom shit is getting pretty fucking ridiculous. And it’s never going to go away.

Listening to old voicemails

I don’t know what possessed me to do so, but this morning while Nick was sleeping soundly next to me, I put in my headphones and listened to old voicemails from right after Nick’s accident. I’ve never done this before. Most of them I don’t remember ever receiving in the first place. I mean, I’m pretty sure I listened to them, but I don’t know if I really heard them. I listened to friends’ voices this morning that I don’t remember hearing since long before Nick’s accident, and some I was pretty sure never contacted me at all when they heard the news. Boy was I wrong! (One of these days I’ll go through the 1000+ blog messages and be utterly blown away!)

I’m chalking this up to being completely stressed out, overwhelmed, and consumed with hospital life stuff. But still, it doesn’t feel good to know I completely ignored people who reached out to me, who cared enough to call (or write!) to see how I was doing. I can say too, that I’m kind of a loner. Being raised as an only child, I thrive in silence and solitude, rather than clamor and conversation. That’s just how I work. Maybe that’s why I like to write; I get to “think out loud” in the silence.

The voicemails started my day today with love and happiness. I could feel the caring and urgency in my friends’ voices. I’m flooded with emotions just thinking how frustrating it must have been not knowing how to help. I know this blog kept people in the loop whom I just didn’t have time to personally connect with, but still, I can’t help but feel my own frustration for not making better effort to communicate directly.

Thank you. Thank you to everyone who reached out. Who leant us a hand, a smile, a heart. Who listened, or stood by waiting, who wrote encouraging words, or clicked “donate.” Thank you to the strangers we now call friends, and the friends we now call family. Thank you to everyone who made our journey just a little bit easier. And thank you for the forgiveness if I’ve carelessly put you aside while making sense of my own struggles. I’m sorry, but I’m grateful.

Our favorite gas station

Yet another late night, road-side prosthetist visit finds us at the local Shell station with Cyrus in order to get his new legs in time for the big jump on Saturday. He’s a dedicated dude who takes great pride in his work and extreme care of his patients. He’s pretty bad ass!

While waiting, Nick walked into the store for his favorite treat: Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. King size. When he came back, a man walked up to our open car door and without saying hello or introducing himself asks, “Hey what happened to you?”

We were dumbfounded and awkwardly silent, so he asked it again, followed by an aggressive, “Are you okay?”

After Nick played dumb for a second and then introduced himself, the man, wearing a giant gold belt buckle and tight grey V-neck shirt succeeded in confusing the shit out of us.

“I saw you standing there but didn’t notice your legs. Then I saw them. You overcame that! You’re a staunch individual!”

Staunch. Hmmm. Haven’t heard it used in that context, but we’ll take it.

After he walked away, Nick summed it up perfectly, “You’ve gotta have some balls to just come up to a guy and ask what’s wrong with him.”

Favorite quote from Cyrus, “Gas stations are where I do my best work!”

“Get Busy Living” — We’re filming a documentary!

We think “Get Busy Living” is the obvious and perfect choice to title a documentary about our story. But we didn’t come up with it, Chris Burket did. Long time film maker and camera guru, “Match” as we affectionately call him, approached us in October about making our story his new project. Of course! And I couldn’t think of a better person to tell it.

Chris Burket aka “Match” is a natural behind the camera.

Within a week, he brought over a giant hard drive, and I gave him every single moment of footage I’ve shot since Nick’s accident. He began following us around to appointments and events, shooting interviews, and capturing some important moments leading up to Nick’s first jump back.

Nick and Match heading into Ballard Rehab to see his nurses and therapists for the first time since he was discharged in July 2011

Super stealth shot of Match taking video of Nick’s prosthestist appointment

Match, I mean Chris, is a fun and creative guy, and it’s been a neat experience working with him for the last several weeks. His vision is to close the documentary with the obvious climax of Nick returning to the sky by making his first jump this Saturday. He’s bringing a film crew to capture the entire experience, including strapping one of those hefty RED cameras to our camera-girl Karen’s head for the jump(s).

He expects to have a movie trailer complete by the end of the year, and a rough cut of the feature-length documentary by February. We are very excited for our story to hit the silver screen. Fener’s goin’ to Hollywood, baby!

He’s built a website to keep fans up to date on the progress of things.

GetBusyLivingMovie.com

If you want to check out Match’s other awesome work, his personal website is ChrisBurket.com

And lastly, of course, I HAD to make my OWN documentary about the documentary. Just couldn’t help myself. Below is a silly little impromptu interview I did with Match, where he tells us why he’s making the movie, and what his plans are for it. I told him I hope his editing skills are better than mine. Thanks for watching!

All dressed up…

The countdown is on. Only six sleeps until Project Jump!

Nick put on his jumpsuit and tried on our friend Match’s rig. Looks like he’s going to be all decked out Smurf-style for the big day this Saturday. Love it!

Next step: we’re waiting for the canopy to arrive from Icarus (a Saffire2 209) so we can go test jump the complete system a few days early. We want to see how it performs and lands with someone else underneath it, and be able to address any possible issues before sending Fener up for his first jump back in 18 months.

We are not taking this lightly, even though we have every ounce of confidence he will do great, have a blast, and land safely in order to make another jump. And another. And another…

Riverside County Board of Directors Meeting –Nov 25, 2012

Nick and I were honored to be invited to the Board of Directors meeting for Riverside County to honor RCRMC for their recent achievement of attaining certification as a Level 2 Trauma Center. We have no doubt that the trauma team at Riverside County Regional Medical Center is the reason why Nick is still alive today. They saved his life 18 months ago and we’ve maintained an awesome relationship with many people at that hospital. Nick was asked to be the “human interest” testimony to their expertise and jumped at the opportunity to help. Shoot, it was the least we could do. We’d like to do more.

Two weeks ago Nick sat down for an interview with them, and a week later, we were meeting some of the major players at RCRMC and reconnecting with the ones who saved his life.

The awesome people who make it happen at RCRMC. Boy do we stand out like a couple of sore thumbs.

Nick with Tommy and Robbie, the two amazing people who are helping Nick get back into the hospital and volunteer (hopefully!)
Tommy was with Nick in the ER the night of the accident and helped save his life. Forever grateful!

Front and center, waiting for the meeting to begin.

Mr. Bagley, the hospital CEO received the certificate and spoke at the meeting, then passed the microphone to Nick to tell about his experience with the trauma center. Nick had two main points he wanted to impart to the audience and Board of Directors: the trauma team’s quick and accurate assessment of his injuries and immediate mobilization to fix them is the reason he’s still alive, and the outstanding way the staff treated his family and friends with respect and dignity meant the world to him.

Congratulations RCRMC, you absolutely deserve this validation of a job well done. What an honor to be involved. Thank you so much.

Below is the press release written by Ray Smith, a Riverside County spokesman with a huge heart and fun sense of humor who came to our home with ChaiTae and Sean, who was on our case at the time.

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Skydiver’s survival tale highlights certification of county hospital’s trauma center

Skydiving instructor Nick Fener knows where he’d be without the trauma team at Riverside County Regional Medical Center.

“I wouldn’t be here to tell my story,” he says resolutely. “I was in the best place possible.”

While videotaping two skydivers who were on a tandem jump in May 2011, the right side of Fener’s parachute collapsed at about 100 feet and he hurtled to the ground in a corkscrew. At the county medical center in Moreno Valley, surgeons removed his ruptured spleen and treated two broken vertebrae, spinal-cord damage, broken ribs, and legs so devastated by fractures that one ankle disintegrated and Fener was missing three inches of shin bone. Several weeks later, surgeons amputated both legs below the knee.

Fener’s fiancée said the hospital staff not only saved his life, they helped her deal with the sleep deprivation, loneliness and fear she endured for more than a week while Fener lay in a coma.

“Their quick decision-making and assessment of Nick absolutely is why he survived,” Lindsay Showalter said.

That life-saving expertise was recognized recently when the American College of Surgeons confirmed the hospital as a Level II trauma center, the only such adult trauma center in Riverside County. Fener and Showalter are expected to attend tomorrow’s (11/27) presentation during the Board of Supervisors meeting in Riverside to recognize the certification by the College of Surgeons.

Trauma centers strive for the certification because it demonstrates a hospital’s ability and commitment to caring for severely injured patients. Staffed 24 hours a day, the trauma center admits more than 1,100 patients each year.

“We’ve committed significant resources to ensure we provide trauma patients the absolute highest quality of care,” said Dr. Arnold Tabuenca, the hospital’s chief medical officer. “This recognition validates our efforts.”

The College of Surgeons does not designate trauma centers but, rather, confirms that a center has demonstrated it provides the highest quality of care. The verification follows a site visit in June by a review team from the organization, which established the hospital’s trauma center designation through April 2014.

Today, support rails lining the hallway of the couple’s Menifee home are ready to come down. Fener walks around on aluminum and titanium legs, sometimes stumbling but rarely falling, and figures he’s about halfway through the physical recovery. Day by day, he inches toward a goal that some might think foolhardy – returning to work as a skydiving instructor.

One of his biggest steps comes in about a week when he will jump from a plane for the first time since the accident. With 4,200 jumps since 2001, Fener isn’t nervous about the next leap and anticipates “an old comfortable feeling” mixed with the elation of his first time.

“You’re falling 120 mile per hour to ground,” he said. “It’s such a rush.”

Fener and Showalter, also a skydiving instructor, look forward to a day when the accident does not define their lives. Ask where they will be in five years and Fener can’t say for sure. But the vision is that he will be skydiving full-time, enjoying life and traveling with Showalter.

“She’s my world,” he said.

Lindsay, Nick, and MIA. Photo by Ray Smith

Project Walk meets Project Jump!

“Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life.” –Wayne Dyer

It’s December 1st, the day Nick was going to jump, until we decided to push it back a week. The forecast was for rain today, and at the moment it’s overcast but will likely clear.

We’re still happy with our decision to wait another week because it gives us more time to plan for the fundraising efforts we’d like to make during the event.

Basically, we want Nick’s first jump back to be an event COMPLETELY OPPOSITE OF “FEET FOR FENER.”

Yes, the gathering will be because of Nick and his achievements, but we want the spirit of the day to be about helping other people.

If you plan to come watch Nick jump, please raid your pantry and bring some non-perishable food items to donate. The more the better! I just know you’ve got a can of beans or a box of rice you can stand to part with to help feed people who really need it this holiday season! Please bring a bare minimum of ONE item that day. The person who brings the most food items will get a prize, which may or may not be a giant hug!

We are also selling FENER shirts and stickers to raise money for the Project Walk Scholarship Fund! There are tons of people suffering from spinal cord injury who don’t have the support or funds to get specialized therapy at Project Walk. We are raising money to donate to the scholarship fund to help others who want to go to Project Walk but can’t afford it.

Because of our fundraising efforts, we have decided not to accept the kind offer of a group discount for tandem jumps, and instead take that $20 difference and donate it to Project Walk.

Tandem jumps are $209 and can be scheduled by calling 760-390-JUMP.