Thursday, June 30, 2011

As far as we are concerned, there is no such thing as June 27-30, 2011. Those days didn’t happen. Like a black hole, we are wiping it out of our memory. We’re back in Nick’s room at the rehab hospital, and he is napping peacefully. Kind of sad but true, but it felt like “coming home” when we got here today. Can’t even fathom how emotional I will be upon actually going home. But, so what about me? Nick’s the one who is going to come out of his skin to finally be home. But why am I even torturing myself with these thoughts? I want to just be in the moment.

On the topic of just “being”, Nick said something really cool today. He said that he has received God’s message loud and clear. That “this human-doing needs to slow down and become a human-being.” He said that now he is forced to just “be” instead of ‘do.’ This is extremely different for Nick. He is such a doer. The man never sits still. And now, he has been forced to sit semi still for 41 days. Tonight he also happily mentioned that this accident has completely changed his life, and not just in a physical way. His mind and his spirit are swelling and stretching, mainly through gratitude and acceptance. Every night before bed he spends a few minutes privately thanking me for being by his side. He has genuine conversation and sincerely thanks every single person who assists in his daily care, even the dudes who pick up his trash. It’s fun to watch, because I think a lot of the nurses and aides are used to getting yelled at and bossed around by angry patients. It’s probably refreshing for them to interact with Nick.

Today we decided that Nick needs a more exciting story. We’re tired of saying his parachute collapsed and he fell 50-100 feet. Yawn! Boring! Seriously, he gets asked, “what happened?” all the time, so its time to shake things up. Of course, this is purely for our own entertainment. I can’t wait to hear some of the stories he comes up with off the cuff when strangers approach him. My favorite so far is, “I had reeeeaaaaalllllyyy stinky feet!!”

Other ideas include: “At the zoo, you shouldn’t feed the lions with your feet.”

“They fell off”

“My girlfriend was going to leave me for a midget, and I had to do something!”

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Dinner last night at the hospital. SERIOUSLY!?
What is this?
Then breakfast this morning was a cinnamon bun and sausage. All the food is directed and planned by a registered dietician. No wonder America is obese, since this is what hospitals are giving to sick people.

Anyway, we are out of there and officially BACK AT BALLARD REHAB HOSPITAL!!! (Where the food is significantly better, but still kind of gross)

Yaaaaayy!!!!!

Wednesday June 29

Wow today sucked. And honestly, that’s entirely because of our own perceptions of reality. Nothing terrible happened today. Nick didn’t get worse. He’s actually a lot better. We are just getting burned out from this whole hospital experience. And this isn’t a good hospital to “experience.”
But I’m not writing this blog to be a moan and groan fest, despite how I’m feeling inside. I could write pages about the baloney going on around here. I’d LOVE to vent right now. But I’m not. I’m not going to sit here and bitch about the little things, when I know I have the love of my life by my side, friends and family who love me, and my immediate needs met. It’s too bad, but Nick and I have both been in terrible moods all day, even though we are in a quiet, comfortable private room and had nice company earlier. He finally feels good again. Let’s get him back to therapy. Period!

The only fun thing today was looking at tile and carpet samples for our home with Sandee and Jen. Normally I would love that, but today it was stressful. Thank God we have friends in the various trade industries, and people who love Nick, who are helping us out. I can’t believe the generosity shown to us. It has truly inspired us both to be better friends and more generous with our time and money and resources.
We’ve spent a good amount of time discussing this together. We have a pretty clear idea of the people we want to become out of this. We want to be more involved in our friend’s and family’s lives. More caring, more present, more active. I have always moaned and groaned about weddings and showers and holidays. They’re just not my “thing.” Nor are they Nick’s. But they are important to other people. And after having this traumatic experience, we now understand the importance of support.
We understand how awkward it must feel to pick up the phone and call one of us. Or text. Or email. And how you just don’t know what to say to someone who just lost their legs. Trust me, I know! I’m the kind of person who will make myself emotionally sick over a friends hardship, but never get the nerve to pick up the phone and say what I’m feeling. But now I understand that it’s not about WHAT you say to a person who is dealing with great hardship, but more a matter that you reached out and said anything at all. Some of my favorite voicemails I’ve received sounded a lot like this, “Lindsay, I don’t know what to say. But I’m here. I’m so sorry.” or something like that. God, I can’t even count the number of times I wish I had had the courage to pick up the phone and say something like that to people in the last few years. So, I know. And I appreciate every single person who has reached out to us, big and small. And I’m very aware of the people who have surprised me by not reaching out. I’m hoping they just feel awkward, and that it’s not a matter of not caring. Either way, I totally understand. So does Fener. We’ve been there. And basically what I’m saying is that we will never feel awkward about supporting a friend again. Because now we understand how critical it really is. I would be drowning if it weren’t for family and friends. So thank you!

We spent from 9am til 9pm trying to get back to the rehab center. It didn’t happen. BUT, everything is in order for us to return to rehab tomorrow morning. Yay!! Taking steps in the right direction feels so good!

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Where we are sucks right now.
So I’m posting this photo to remind myself of how beautiful life is. Last summer we spent a beautiful day at the beach in San Diego with Benji, Arlo and Meatball. Nick and Meatball attempted to surf, while Benji, Arlo and I took tons of silly pictures. Not sure when Nick and I will make it back to the beach, but I can’t wait!!!!

Tuesday June 28

I’m staying next to Nick’s bed again tonight. Not so much out of necessity like last night, but because I don’t feel safe walking from the hospital doors to my car at night. This is very uncharacteristic of me. I backpacked through India and Nepal by myself during a period of heightened conflict. I teach people how to skydive for a living. I sleep next to an ex-plumber with a flatulence problem. I’m typically not scared of silly things. That is, of course, until I temporarily moved to San Bernardino. As I walked out the front door of the hospital earlier, within a matter of seconds I encountered a young pregnant girl smoking a cigarette, a morbidly obese woman in a wheelchair with piercings and scabs covering her face, gangsters arguing, and an old man shaking on the grass while talking to himself. Oh, and did I mention the guy who asked me why I was carrying a back brace? After I briefly told him what happened, he kept yelling, “Don’t say that shit! Don’t SAY that shit!!!!” Sandee and I laughed so hard over that.

Well Nick is finally out of ICU, and onto the regular hospital floor, where the nurses are over worked and under appreciated. It took 45 minutes to get pain medication. And the meds were already three hours late because of the transfer out of ICU. We are going to beg his doctor to send him back to rehab tomorrow. We can’t stay here. The infection is responding to the antibiotics, he’s feeling much better and his white blood cell count is going down. Let’s GO!

Today he had a gnarly, but minor procedure done called a Thoracenteses. Via ultrasound, they found fluid next to his lungs. It looked more like a fetus to me, but I’m no Radiologist. Guided by the ultrasound, they stuck a needle past his ribcage and withdrew 250cc of reddish fluid. They’re checking that for infection too. Yummy!

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Home sweet home in the ICU. Now I feel like “I Love Lucy”

Monday June 27, 2011

Wow. We just had a really fun weekend! So many laughs, and lots of goofy pictures and stories. Nick and Doug even played a harmonica duet!
But starting yesterday morning, Nick wasn’t really feeling all that great. There were signs of infection, so they took some tests and began antibiotics. Then this morning in the trailer, while I was literally laughing out loud re-reading my ridiculously satirical post from last night, Nick calls to say he is majorly sick. From 7am-11am he went from bad to worse to “I can’t live through another second of this pain.” I’m pretty sure that this morning was worse than the night of his amputations. You know, the night when he said it felt like he just had his legs cut off. Today was rough.

So off we went to the ER around the corner here in San Bernardino. TANGENT: Have I mentioned how disgusting this town is? Now, remember, I live in white trash/tweekerville Quail Valley, and I work in gangster ghetto Perris… but San Bernardino actually scares me. While lying in bed last night we heard gunshots in a nearby neighborhood. And this hospital is just crawling with people who are up to no good. I swear, the only good thing in San Berdoodoo is Ballard Rehab. And yummy Juan Pollo.

We spent six hours at the ER. People were crying, children were screaming and machines were beeping. Now here we are in ICU, and at 10pm, it’s finally peaceful.

He has a pretty serious infection, likely in his urinary track. I made him drink an entire container of cranberry juice yesterday, but that didn’t stop it. His white blood cell count is through the roof! So they have him on some heavy duty antibiotics now and an IV solution for hydration. With all that, and ice packs in his arm pits, his fever is starting to break, and his intense abdominal pain has gone away.

Since he will be here around a week or so, I have to breakdown his entire room at the rehab facility and take down all his pictures and signs and get all his belongings out of there. I was really enjoying the routine and the amenities there. This is a total bummer.

But really, since I’m all about being positive, there is one incredible thing about this hospital (other than their very kind staff.) I get to sleep in a comfy chair/bed next to Nick. It’s like a narrow love seat that folds out flat. I’d have killed for this thing at the last hospital!

So, good night. I’m not looking forward to the constant interruptions of a nights sleep in ICU.

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Nick and I were faced with another very tough decision again today. After weighing the options for several hours, he opted for a very risky, experimental surgery to replace his feet. He had a bilateral podiatal implant with a tib/fib/talus fusion.
Apparently this was only the fourth time this particular procedure has been performed in the entire world. This surgery is ground floor!!! We are so lucky to have been selected in the preliminary test groups.
During the arduous consent process, the surgeon explained all the risks of this rare procedure. There is, of course, a huge risk of future infection. There’s a risk of death on the operating table. They explained that his body might reject the newly implanted donor limb. They explained every possible scenario, except one. No one told us they would put his feet on the wrong legs!

Saturday June 25, 2011

What an incredible day. Nick and I haven’t laughed this much, this hard, in a very long time. Having a few special friends around helped remind me of what life used to feel like. Fun and carefree! Thank you!

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It’s been five weeks, and for some reason, it never even occurred to me to take a look at the shoes Nick was wearing when he fell.
So, here is one of the holes where his bones broke through his skin and punctured through the fabric of his shoes. There’s one on the inside of his left shoe too.
If the wounds on his ankles weren’t enough, seeing this now is a real eye opener to how violent his accident and injuries were.
Nick’s first reaction? “They cut my shoes!”

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Bathroom demolition in preparation of Nicks return home. Thank you Seth, Mike and Paul Nootbaar!

Friday June 24 – Five weeks

Five down, forty-seven to go! We saw his Ortho and Neuro spine surgeons today. I really thought I had an idea of how the next few months are going to play out. But today I learned that even the surgeons don’t know what the next few steps are going to be.

Patience. We want it all, and we want it now! But we understand that the injuries he sustained are so severe, and so numerous, that there is no text book answer for his care. He may have another surgery, he may not. He may regain certain functions, he may not. Patience.

Nick Fener did the sweetest thing for me today! He really liked the perfume one of his favorite nurses was wearing, so he asked her to bring me some. She bought me the yummiest smelling spray, hand lotion and body wash! From Nick, just because! As far as I’m concerned, he never needs to get me another Birthday or Christmas or Anniversary gift ever again. His daily gift of positive attitude during this terrible time in our life is the most amazing gift I could ever receive!
He has such a great attitude that people just don’t know what to make of him. He spent seven hours on a gurney at the hospital clinics, and everytime we were in an elevator he would ask the other people not to tickle his feet. He smiled and laughed and talked to everyone. I never thought I would say that a seven hour ordeal at the County health clinics would be fun, but it was. Nick made it fun and easy. Now THAT is a priceless gift.

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Thank you PF (Nick’s Dad, Zach, the self proclaimed “Master of Poor Timing”).
Had you not arrived to visit just as we were beginning to make out for the first time in five weeks, I wouldn’t have this awesome photo to share. Love you PF!

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Nick’s first shower!!!! This was probably one of his greatest moments of the past five weeks. I showed this picture to him, and he said, “you should put that on the Internet.”

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Awww Nick cuddling with the MIA dog! She had just finished licking his entire face, and held still just long enough to snap this photo.
Nick looks thin here. More so than other pictures. We weighed him yesterday and he’s lost 30 lbs. I’m practically shoving food and protein shakes down his throat to bulk him up again.

Thursday June 23, 2011

The evening time is the worst time of day. In his daily routine, 6pm-8pm is bathroom and wound dressing time time. This is undescribably painful for him. Without getting too graphic here (I’m sure you’ll thank me Al), we basically just can’t wait until he is in control, and regular, again. It’s exhausting, painful, time consuming, embarrassing, emotional, awkward. You name it. I feel so helpless. Watching the love of my life groan and moan from pain is something so completely foreign to me.  Nick has the pain threshold of a sword swallower.  Infact, I bet he’d rather swallow ten swords a night, than try to take one measly shit. 

Sorry.

I really hadn’t planned to be gross tonight, but really, this is a huge part of our life right now. And it sucks!  I feel so guilty everytime I get to go. I “get” to go. Imagine feeling that way. “Baby, you’re so lucky you get to go poo right now. I can’t wait til I can poo.”  I can’t count how many times I’ve heard something like this.

Well, now that I have succeeded in sounding like the embarrassing mother who shows her daughter’s baby pictures to her hot prom date… I’ll move on.  

So, MIA dog came for a visit today. I missed her so so so so much! I love her almost as much as I love Nick. And, she’s MUCH easier to take care of! Thank you Mary S. for loving and pampering my baby girl these last five weeks. She’s off to Sandee’s house tonight. I’ll let her and Mary duke it out over who gets to take care of MIA. Yes, she’s THAT cute!

I had a meeting with Nick’s case manager today, and his proposed discharge date from the rehab center is July 13th. That’s three weeks from now. I was pretty surprised, but happy.  I really thought that he would get the boot much sooner because of the incredible progress he is making. But we are both of the opinion that staying here as long as possible should be our goal.  Another three weeks of intense rehab sounds like a great plan. He will be quite independent by then. I hope. Then we get to do this all over again. Literally.  He will have another spine surgery, go into ICU for a few days, then the hospital floor for some time, then back here to the rehab facility.  THEN, we get to really move on with life. Basically, we’re looking at a few more months of this. I look at this as a small investment of time in order to have the rest of our lives together.

Nick has his phone now. He is not very active on it, because it’s hard for him to talk on the phone much, and he’s busy, but texts and phone calls are certainly welcome. He’d love to hear from his friends now.

So earlier today, Nick and I were wondering where his feet are right now. Once Nick parted ways with them two weeks ago, they ventured out to have their own little journey.  But where to?  Where would they want to go? Probably not the beach, because it sucks to be covered in sand.  Probably not a pool or jacuzzi, because then they would get prune-like. Maybe a mall, where they could try on different shoes? Or a nail salon to get a pedicure? They probably got ground up and incinerated. That’s likely a better outcome then if they had stayed attached to Nick’s body.  That would be a lifetime of zero sensation and endless bruising, battering and breaks. It’s been two weeks now since the amputations, and Nick still stands whole heartedly behind his decision to get rid of them.  Now, we just have to stop the ghosts of his feet from visiting and playing tricks on him all day long.

Wednesday June 22, 2011 -One week of rehab

Nick was notably chipper today. He had a spring to his step. Or a glisten to his glide. A rock to his roll. Whatever. Not really sure what it was, but today was a good day for him. He got wrapped all up in plastic this morning, so as not to get his back brace or wound dressings wet. Then he was wheeled into the shower to get his hair washed with running water. I guess we really take this simple luxury for granted until we’ve been forced to sponge bathe while lying down for four weeks.

Therapy was radical today also. He’s been dreaming of lying on his stomach for weeks now. Well, he finally got to roll completely over and feel the mat beneath his chest. That’s how he likes to sleep,(he has the snore power to prove it), so it’s been killing him to sleep on his back every night.

The strangest thing has been happening the past few days. Nick is losing his eyebrows. It started with the left one, about 4-5 days ago. We didn’t think too much of it because he’s on so many medicines, and his body went through so much trauma. That is, until today. I saw him this morning, and BAM SHAZAM!! The freakin right eyebrow is half gone! Overnight! He already lost his feet, now his eyebrows!?!? That’s truly the definition of adding insult to injury. Actually he doesn’t really care. But I do! I’m the one looking at him day in and day out.
But with Seth’s help, I think we figured it out. During Nicks’s spinal surgery they had him face down for 13+ hours. When he came out of it, he was very red and swollen across his unibrow line and between his nipples. It stayed that way for days and days. It was as if they laid him on two bars that stretched across his face and chest. He has a patch of missing hair across his chest too now. It’s Mantastic!

A big special thanks for Keith Levesque for setting up the online poker game. And thank you to our friends who played with Fener! Cooksey won (but that’s just because he followed the Phil Plumbworth school of poker). Nick really enjoyed playing, and hopes to get in on other games in the future. Both online and in person when he can sit for longer periods of time.

And lastly, but certainly not least, thank you to everyone who has clicked on the paypal link (some, more than once!) and to those who have contributed in other ways. It does not go unnoticed, and we will both strive to someday return the favors (in a less dramatic situation hopefully!)

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Nick is online right now playing poker! Thank you Keiffers for organizing the tournament and getting some of our favorite poker pals together for Nick! Just like old times. All we need is 80’s music, beer, and drunk Paul! Hahahaha!!!

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Workin’ out on the hand peddle bike. His endurance is low right now. This was his first cardio session in rehab. They started him with five minutes at first, and he had to take a break half way through. I’m sure he’ll go twice as long tomorrow!!!

Tuesday June 21

Today Nick graduated to wearing a pink wristband instead of a red one. This means he is allowed to get in and out of bed/wheelchair with only my assistance. He can also be left unattended while in the chair. We’ve got those chair transfers down smooth now! Well, he does. HE has those transfers down smooth. I just stand there incase he accidentally slides out. Oh god, if he slid down and hit his fresh stumps straight into the floor he would be set back weeks. Those wounds would just pop right open. Ewwwww!

We spent an hour with a couple of guys hosting a peer visit seminar by the Amputee Coalition. Now, Nick is NOT the support-group kind of guy! But those guys were alright, and it certainly will be nice to be around other people who have gone through this. Maybe we’ll go to one or two group meetings later this year, but we both feel like we have our own extensive “support group.” So what if his friends aren’t amputees or people with spinal cord injuries? We’ve got a lot of love an support, and there’s no shortage of motivation and drive for him to return to a normal life.

Monday June 20th, 2011

Nick has a pretty grueling therapy schedule here. Three hours a day are spent working out. The precious down time he has between those therapy sessions are used for rest and refueling. Then, in the evening, we spend a few hours attending to his personal business and caring for his wounds. I’m exhausted! And I’m not even the one trying to rehabilitate. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for him. He needs all the rest he can get. He IS sleeping fairly well at night though, which is helping.

The big WIN for today is that Nick is learning to sit up from a laying position with zero assistance. He has that down! He can also transfer himself to and from a wheelchair with only one person guarding him. I’d say this is an even bigger WIN. Just two days ago it took three grown adults, straining their backs, in order to transfer Nick. Not anymore!! Give him a few more days and he’ll be doing freakin jumping jacks!

Today wasn’t my best day. I found myself incredibly overwhelmed, unorganized, low on energy, short fused and frustrated several times. Nick is so in tune with me now. He saw that I was on the verge of tears and clearly overwhelmed trying to organize our finances, so he invited me to lay next to him in bed. And for the first time in four and a half weeks, I cuddled up next to my boyfriend, head on his chest and shoulder, and fell asleep while he rubbed my arms and back. Words cannot describe how magical that was to me. I won’t even try to describe it. I’ll just say this; I felt a gentle wave of ‘knowing’ wash over me. A ‘knowing’ that my life is perfect.

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Dear XAOS,
He ain’t mad atcha!

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Moments after the fateful flight. Still smiling on this beautiful Father’s Day.

And thanks to Andy and Meatbomb for the 2-Squadron hat. He’s been wearing it everyday!

Sunday June 19, 2011 Happy Father’s Day

We celebrated Father’s Day right here at the rehab facility.  Nick’s Dad, Zach, and my Dad, Frank, both came out for a pizza lunch and to watch a remote control helicopter flight by Seth.  Thank God Seth is a better helicopter pilot in real life than he is a remote control pilot! (Sorry, Seth, hope you don’t mind me sharing!)  Everything was going very smoothly for the first 8-10 seconds of the flight, then something got out of control and it began spiraling down and crashed really hard into the dirt lot across from us. The battery pack went up in flames!  It hit hard too!  Now, mind you, this isn’t some $30 toy helicopter you buy at the mall. This thing is no joke! Seth has spent many, many hours on a computer simulator learning to control it, before ever making a real flight.  The first thing Nick said was, “Wow, I wonder if that’s how hard I hit the ground.”  Yeah, probably! 

Sitting outside on such a beautiful afternoon was amazing. But sadly, Nick was in a lot of pain again.  He toughed it out for 40 minutes though, before getting back into bed. He doesn’t complain much either. I don’t know how he does it. Any other person would be wimpering from the pain, but not Nick. Sometimes you can see the furrow in his brow, but rarely a peep out of his mouth.

Today was another day-off from formal PT sessions, but we did our own workouts.  It’s absolutely incredible to see the progress each day. His progress is measurable!  Just two days ago, he could not lift his right leg up off the bed at all.  Yesterday he could lift it about three inches.  And today, he got to about 6 inches.  He is also able to lift his left leg and reach forward to grab it, giving him a nice hamstring/glute stretch.  Just yesterday, he was unable to do that without assistance.  He’s working hard!!

I am so incredibly proud to be his girlfriend.  I’ve been telling him this every night before sleep, but I want to tell the world!  The man that he is, his spirit, his core-being, is so beautiful, peaceful and strong.  He is so nice to me, and everyone around him, despite his immense pain and suffering.  His gratitude for life and for the support he is receiving, is pouring out of him every time he speaks.  We are living in extremely tight quarters here, and despite the feeling of being “on top of one another,” we haven’t had any frustrations, or squaks, or arguments with one another. Just love. It’s like it’s always been, but with much more of a deep respect for each other’s situation and unique roll we’re playing in our relationship now.

Anyway, enough mushy stuff. 

We’ve been changing the wound dressings on his stumps each night.  And each night, we see vast improvements from the night before.  The wounds are healing nicely, the swelling is subsiding, and the pain is getting more manageable. I’ve been massaging his legs several times a day, and am looking forward to massaging the stumps soon.  Ok, I know that sounded weird, but the sooner we can begin introducing that delicate, highly sensitive area to various tactile influences (soft, rough, cold, wet, etc), the quicker his “phantom sensations” will diminish. But for now, I just use light touch through the thick bandages.  He says the right stump feels electric.  Like there is electricity running up his leg. 

And for those of you concerned with his bowel movements: he finally took a shit on the toilet.

WINNING!

Saturday June 18, 2011

Ever heard of phantom pain? It’s the pain, or strange sensations, an amputee experiences in the limb that is now missing. Nick is having some very strange experiences with this. Sometimes his feet are itching or burning, his toes curling or throbbing. Once, he said his foot was twisting sideways. His brain and his body are not yet on the same page. I can’t even imagine how strange/annoying/painful/frustrating this must be for him. And to top it off, in his attempt to get off the drugs and regain mental clarity, yesterday he stopped his medicine for nerve pain. And of course today the phantom pain escalated.

On a better note, Xena dog came to see us today. I can’t believe they allow dogs here, inside the rooms! We tried to have a picnic lunch outside with her, but Nick only lasted ten minutes in the wheelchair today. The pain was too much, so we chilled out with Xena inside. They cuddled in bed together. And I was jealous as usual. Jealous of both of them!

POKER TOURNAMENT

CALLING ALL POKER PLAYERS!!! Near and far!

Nick Fener loves to play poker! So, our good friend Keith Levesque (who is extremely sexy, a bit of a mysterious bad boy, and has a huge…..heart! ) set up an online no-limit poker tournament in Nick’s honor!

It begins this Wednesday, June 22 at 7:00pm Pacific Time. (Do the math if you live in another time zone!)

There is a $30 buy-in that goes to Project Nick Fener. This is basically a warm up tourney, with the idea being to do other tournaments as well, eventually offering prizes and pay-outs.

Here’s how to join the fun:

Go to pokerstars.net and create an account, if you don’t already have one.

The Club ID is: keith levesque or 462020

The invitation code is: nick fener

Please contact Keith at teamstingah@yahoo.com with your name, pokerstars user ID, address, phone number and email info. He will also organize the buy-ins and winnings.

Please contact Keith (not me, please as I know nothing about this) with any questions. Teamstingah@yahoo.com

P.S. I will do my best to get Nick in the tournament too! So come play!

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Xena dog came for a visit and they allowed her in the room. They cuddled in bed for over an hour!

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Uhhhhhhh, I’ll explain this picture in a moment.
But first I am making a request. Nick’s a seriously lucky dude to have a second chance at life. His injuries are usually not survivable. This means that we all get another opportunity to laugh and reminisce about the awesome times we’ve shared with him. We get to share those favorite memories of him, WITH him.
We have been reading all of the super awesome messages of love and support. Some of your messages have gotten us emotional, some have made us laugh, others have inspired us to be better people, and they have ALL given us motivation to keep pushing harder each day.
Now I’m asking for you to write messages, to Nick, reminiscing about some of your favorite memories together. Make him laugh, make him cry, try to embarrass him, whatever. But make him remember all those precious moments you’ve shared together. After all, his memory sucks anyway!

Personally, I have too many favorites, but when I ran across this picture, I couldn’t help but share this particular moment.
This picture was taken at a frozen yogurt shop earlier this year. Nick paid that 18 year old (super buff) kid to take off his shirt and take a picture with me and my girlfriends. Just for the story. And here Nick is, with best bud Paul, in all of their obvious hetero glory, hugging a barely legal, shirtless yogurt dude for ten bucks.

That’s what I’m talking about!

P.S. Don’t forget to sign your name!

Thursday June 16

It’s been one week since Nicks amputations. Wow. I can hardly even remember those busted ass things. And it’s been several days now since the last time I looked at his stumps and thought, “Holy shit! Did my boyfriend really just get his feet cut off!?!?!” Actually, I’m lying. I thought that one time today, but it was brief, and mild, so that doesn’t really count.

Nick had a pretty intense day at the rehab facility. Even though today was just the evaluation day, he got worked. He was actually only able to do two of the three hours of therapy. When the girl came in for the third session, Nick couldn’t keep his eyes open long enough to meet her and answer a few questions. Yeah, he got worked! Tomorrow the real therapy begins!

They’re working on getting him independent. We’re not even thinking about walking or using prosthetics at this point. He is learning how to move himself in and out of bed with very little assistance. Right now it takes three people to get him into a wheelchair, with Nick doing about 25% of the work. That’s great! He is really strong, considering how much atrophy has taken place. Good thing he was such a beastly man to begin with. And since we’ve got such an excellent team of therapists, nurses and doctors, Nick should be making huge progress very quickly. I absolutely love his main physical therapist. He is patient, calm, helpful, and most importantly, in-tune with Nicks needs. He pushed Nick right to the edge today, but not further. He seems to have a keen sense of peoples limits, and the methods to get them to their limits safely.

Lots of therapy tomorrow. It’s going to be a long exhausting day… for both of us. Goodnight y’all!

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June 16: today would have been the day that Nick and I made our first BASE jumps in Twin Falls.
Instead, we’re feelin’ the love from near and far.
Thank you to every single beautiful soul who has been cheering in our corner for the last four weeks. We may not be very accessible to you guys right now, but we are receiving your love and eagerly awaiting the big party when we finally go home and get busy living!

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Nick and Mama Fener. I’d love to acknowledge Sandee for what a wonderfully caring, thoughtful and loving woman, mother and friend she is.
If it weren’t for Mom, I wouldn’t have made it this far. Nick wouldn’t have made it this far, this fast. Thank you Mama for your help and love, and for being here with me and Nick, day in and day out. I love you! Oh, and you too Nick. I love you too!

Wednesday June 15, 2011 – Last day in the hospital

Yep, that’s correct. Today was Nick’s last day in the hospital! It just snuck right up on us. He’s now at an acute rehab facility. Wow, everything just happened so quickly. This morning, his Mom and I were talking about visiting a few different rehab hospitals, and then suddenly I was following Nick’s ambulance up the 215 on the way to San Bernardino.
It feels so good to see Nick without the IV’s and other tubes all over him. He’s going to be ambulatory very soon. They do 3 hours of physical therapy a day here. He is going to be worn out! He’s ready, yet apprehensive at the same time. Maybe his brain wants more than his body can handle. I don’t know. But we are about to find out.

I have so much more to write about, but can barely keep my eyes open.

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Older brother Seth, younger brother Dan, the incredible Nick Fener, and me in the back. This was taken right before Nicks discharge from the hospital.
“I’m goin’ to rehab!!”

Tuesday June 14

I cried so hard tonight. The tears streamed down my face and soaked the collar of my sweatshirt. At one point I just could not stop it, gasping for air. I swear it’s been months since I’ve laughed so hard that my stomach hurt! Thank you stand up comedian on Netflix. We both needed that.

Today was a great day. I think Nick actually used the word “amazing” to describe it. It appears as if they’ve got his pain under control. He even did some killer physical therapy.

For me, watching him use every ounce of his energy to move and flex his legs was bitter sweet. Sweet because he is now over a major hump, and is finally ready to begin on the road to strength and wellness with controlled pain. Bitter because I got to see a glimpse of just how long this road is going to be. It’s all good though. Just do it. Get it started, get it done.

Monday June 13

Nick Fener is in a fine mood in his head, but you wouldn’t know it (unless you were him…or me) by looking at him or interacting with him. He is walking a tight rope between extreme pain and totally comatose, and keeps falling off of it to one side or the other. The doctors have completely changed around his pain medicines everyday for the last three days. This makes it very difficult to stay on top of the doses and schedules and to keep the nurses accountable. This also makes it very difficult to pinpoint exactly what will work for a more long-term pain management strategy. We need to figure it out soon. He has refused PT for the last three days because of extreme pain and fatigue. Understandably so, but I know there’s a solution out there. We just need to discover it. A solution other than just waiting for the healing. He needs to be working on strength now, slowly, in order to prevent further atrophy and possible complications. He has some TheraBands that he’s using in bed to work the muscles in his arms, shoulders, lats and chest. This is imperative. Upper body strength will prove to be the key to his mobility while he’s waiting for his prostheses over the next few months.

But more importantly, much more importantly actually, I combed the nasty, matted dread locks out of his hair. Now we can finally be seen in public together again.

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Nick doing what he does best!  He’s taking our friend Amanda for a tandem skydive over the barrier reef in Belize! 

It’s never hard to find a heart felt testimony from one of Nick’s many, many skydiving students about the pure, unharnessed passion Nick has for skydiving and life.  He truly loves his job, taking 100’s of people for the rides of their lives!!

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Ahh I love this picture. That’s our family. Look at how tiny MIA is!!  And how big Big Dog is!  It’s definitely tough, sitting here, day after day, missing our three kids. But I’ve already mentioned this. Yeah, I just mentioned this earlier today actually.

But the truth is, I posted this particular picture for a completely different reason.  I wanted to acknowledge a very special girlfriend of mine who has been my rock during this traumatic time in my life.  Her name is Amanda Burgess, and she took this picture. She took a whole series of family photos for us. She’s been a very special friend to me and Nick for a few years now. We’ve vacationed together, skydived together (I was her instructor!!), spent many many hours talking about any and everything under the sun.  She’s incredibly talented, intelligent, nurturing (which I’m discovering first hand), insightful, and caring.

Thank you Amanda for the love and support you’ve shown to me and Nick… now and in years past.

I encourage everyone to check out her new website.  It’s beautiful!

www.amandaburgessphotography.com

I don’t care if this comes across as a shameless plug.  It’s a THANK YOU plug.  Thank you for being you Amanda.  I know everyone will love your work as much as I do. xoxo

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We really really really really really really miss our doggies!
For those who don’t know the story of our little MIA girl here, well, let’s just say that Nick is a sucker for a cute doggie, and just couldn’t say no to her (or me) …and now we have 3 doggies to love!!
No matter how much pain Nick is in, a huge smile stretches from ear to ear anytime we talk about the dogs, and especially when we look at their pictures.

Xena dog, Big Dog and the MIA pet.
Love them!!!!

3 Stupid Haiku’s

Having a down day, so I thought I’d post some stupid Haiku poems I wrote the day of Nicks amputations. There’s no reason here, just playin’ around.

Separate my feet
From this healthy body now.
They stunk anyway.

Once grounded to Earth.
Broken now. Painful burden.
Time to hack them off.

Goodbye to my feet.
No more shoes, socks, ingrown nails.
I will walk again.

I find it interesting that I wrote these silly Haiku’s in first person, even though I’m not the one losing my legs. That’s how interconnected we are.
Anyway, I never claimed to be a poet, that’s why I stick to writing Haiku’s. Any idiot can count syllables!

Sunday June 12, 2011

All is well in NickFenerLand. He slept soundly and sweatily all day today. And I joined in for some of it. But sleeping on those chairs, even with five pillows, is butt numbing. He only woke a few times to get more pain medicine that he needed very badly. They are still trying to sort out the right combinations of the right doses of the right medications. This is it’s own journey within a journey.  The journey to the outer healing realm. The realm of pain control without being passed out all day. Yeah, we’re not there yet.

Early this morning I got to see his stumps (is that what you call them???) without the bandages on. Now, I really hate to spoil the surprise, but there’s something very unique about Nick’s amputations, and I can’t help but share.  One of his tattoos actually wraps all the way around from the back of his calf, up and over to the front of his leg, and covers the entire bottom of his nubs (is that a better word for them??) I’ve never heard of an amputee having tattoos on the bottom of their residual limb (proper term to use).  I can only imagine the conversations between the surgeons during this procedure.

I’ve already started researching prosthetics and ended up with an informational video from a major manufacturer in the area. The video showed a myriad of people living their lives with various types of amputations. One boy in particular stood out to me. He is only eighteen, living a very active life as a trilateral amputee. Both legs just below the hips, and one arm just below the shoulder. He was hit by a train! Watching him move and run and swim and smile gave me so much hope.  They also featured the story of the U.S. Army Golden Knight who had a mid air collision and is now a double amputee.  He skydives, skiis, mountain bikes, scuba dives…

OK, OK, I got the picture. Whatever Nick sets his mind to, he will achieve. We’ve already briefly discussed where our first adventure will be. We will probably have to make up for lost adventures this year. Sadly we had to cancel a trip that was planned and paid for, that we would have left to go on this week.  When Nick was conscious the day after his accident and communicating by writing on a piece of paper, one of the first things he wrote was, “BASE IN JUNE?” This was, of course, not before he wrote, “TAKE PICTURES. BONES STICKING OUT.” Anyway, he then lowered his eyes and shook his head when I said, “No Honey, you won’t be better in time for that.”  Maybe 2013.

Saturday June 11, 2011

Ya know, this whole double amputation, metal rods in the back, emergency spleenectomy, possible paralysis thing is all fine and dandy. I’m dealing with all that. Dealing with those big, important issues is like eating a giant elephant one nibble at a time.
The hardest part right now is all the little day to day complications that could potentially compromise everything. That’s what I’m struggling with.
I left Nick sleeping tonight, soaking in his own sweat, running a very mild low grade fever, with no antibiotic in his IV. As I lay in bed right now, I am feeling really horrible. I think I might as well just go back over there and sleep next to his bed. He is in so much pain. Not only do they not have his pain meds sorted out yet, but tonight he has the worst nurse ever (same guy last night too)!
Yeah, I’m strong and positive, but I’m also scared. Scared of all the little things that could creep up real fast and jeopardize Nick’s healing.
I’d love to say, “Good night y’all,” but I don’t feel a sleep coming on anytime soon. And I need to be there at 5:30am to see the Docs undress his leg bandages. Eager to see his legs as they are now.

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This will probably be shocking to some, but this is our reality. And you know what? Despite the circumstances, we’re pretty damn happy.

Nick didn’t “lose” his legs. He chose to shed the dead weight that was holding back his life. There’s absolutely no point in dwelling on what we’ve lost. We haven’t really lost anything, except for maybe a year or more of our lives trying to sort this all out. And I anticipate that this year of transition will teach us more and offer us more than the sum of the last three decades have. I feel there is much more to be grateful for in our lives than there is to be angry or sad about. Sometimes my heart feels so full of love that I can’t handle it. I’ve never felt this way before. It’s amazing how much you realize you’ve always had, once you’ve felt the threat of losing it all.

I’m slowly growing used to Nick’s new look. You will too. A friend just wrote us and said that his wife thinks men with prosthetic legs are sexy. Haha! Never thought I would agree, but now I do.

Friday June 10, 2011 – It’s been 3 weeks already

Well, it’s been 3 weeks now since Nick’s skydiving accident. Nothing really exciting or particularly mentionable happened today, but tonight I am in the mood to reflect upon our journey thus far.

Those first 10 days or so truly felt like hell. I felt like the ancient Spartan civilization, going to war against an Empire of hundreds of nations’ armies (we just watched the movie 300, and I could totally relate!) Adrenalin was pulsing through my body nonstop. I was acutely focused on Nick’s immediate needs, but couldn’t seem to sort anything else out. I’ve never associated myself with ADD before, but caught a glimpse of what that must feel like. My emotional fuses shorted out a couple of times, and the unsuspecting, undeserving recipients were unfortunately some of the people I love the most (I’m sorry Daddy, Seth and Zach!) Every meeting with the doctors seemed to reveal more painful realities I never wanted to have to deal with. Some doctors approached me as a human, some approached me as a ‘case.’ Some were willing to hear my pleas, some weren’t. Twelve hours can really feel like twelve days when there’s a less-than-helpful nurse on that shift.

Nicks condition was ever evolving those first 10 days or so. His internal organs were trying to recuperate from the initial trauma. Everyday was a mini battle with one of his systems or another. Infection was just lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce if we turned our back. Luckily, he has now made it 3 weeks in a busy hospital with severe wounds, and we haven’t seen a hint of infection!!

One of the hardest things about the first 10 days, was that I didn’t have my boyfriend to talk to and be by my side during the single most traumatic period of my life. He had no idea what was even going on! I was making important life decisions for him and wasn’t even able to consult with him.

What a trip. This whole thing has been such a trip. Nick doesn’t even remember going to work that day. He has very little memory of the days leading up to his accident. And then suddenly, he wakes up in a hospital a week later. He has flashes of memory from the 3 days he was hallucinating. He says it felt like the hospital was slowly rolling along the Earth like a giant tire. The kaleidoscope of colors flashing in his vision felt like a mosh pit to him. And I’ll never forget the exercises he convinced himself that he needed to memorize. They always ended with him saying, “Obama.”

Ever since he has been off heavy sedation, life feels less like battle and more like trying to push a heavy boulder uphill. After waking him up, it took three days of hallucinations to finally get him ‘back.’ And now that he is back, we are LIVING again. Albeit not the way we would choose to yet, but we are living.

We are learning about patience. We are learning about perseverance. His eagerness to “get busy living” left him frustrated at first. Doctors being slow and cautious in their decision making frustrated him as well. We began reminding each other several times a day that this is a lesson in patience. We still continue to do so.

Now that he is free of his burdensome feet, the ball will get rolling again. It will be one month until the stitches come out, then another two months before he gets fit for prosthetics. He only has two surgeries remaining, about 2 months from now. Life is moving forward.

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Ok. I know I said I wouldn’t. But, I just can’t help myself sometimes!
He’s asleep. He’ll never know I posted this, right?! Ha!
Besides, I had to lighten the mood around here. Life’s too good to be serious all the time!

Thursday June 9, 2011

Hands down, without any doubt, today has been the absolute WEIRDEST day of my life. I’m not speaking for Nick, but I bet he probably feels the same way.

What I’m about to share is extremely personal in nature. (And at the risk of sounding rude…) What I’m about to share is not open to unsolicited opinions or debate. I’m going to publicly detail a very serious decision we’ve made, with the hopes of me and Nick not having to explain ourselves and defend our decisions over and over and over again.

Anyway…

Nick had both of his legs amputated today. Below his knees.

Yes, we looked into all sorts of options. Yes, we thought this through completely. Yes, we feel this is the best possible option for Nick’s life, future mobility and pain/infection control.
I use ‘we’ because we literally made this decision together as a unit. And I’m aware of the bitchy tone in this post. Again, weird day. Brain jumbled.

We waited all day for this life changing surgery. They didn’t come get him until 3:30pm. The anticipation was palpable. He went the entire day without any pain meds or food, adding to the odd vibe. The calm excitement about something so morbidly permanent is a complete mind fuck. We are truly excited to be able to begin moving forward with recovery and rehab and LIFE! But being excited about losing your legs is so… strange.

Provided his quads and hamstrings get strong again, and there’s not too much nerve damage (looks hopeful so far) he will have a much better quality of life with prosthetics rather than his broken, paralyzed legs and feet. With no sensation or motor function in his feet, coupled with disintegrated ankles that would have to be fused, we found zero significant PRO’S to limb-salvage. And the doctors tried very hard to sway us toward keeping them . For a while anyway. Then they finally came on board with our desire to perform the bilateral below knee amputation. Nick has been certain he wanted to amputate both legs since the day he woke up, and never waivered once. I, on the other hand, did my due diligence despite also being convinced early on.

I took tons of pictures of his legs yesterday (Fener’s Final Foot Photoshoot) because I knew I’d never see his feet again. And despite his begging, the doctors wouldn’t let Nick take his legs home in a jar. They wouldn’t taxidermy his tattoos either, which Nick would have “settled for” instead of keeping the whole legs.

Seeing him without feet or lower legs is going to take time getting used to. It’s SO damn weird. Even though he is still bandaged and splinted up, I still feel like my mind is playing tricks on me.

Neither of us anticipated the unbelievably excruciating pain tonight. For three weeks, Nick has been my Pain Threshhold Hero, but not tonight. Understandably so. He said the pain feels like someone just cut his legs off.

They’ve got him back on the heavy duty drugs, which thankfully put him to sleep. Tonight I’m staying right here next to him all night, just in case.

Based on his high level of pain, I’m guessing we are going to have a rough weekend. Please pray and keep nothing but positive thoughts for a swift healing with no complications or infection. Also, we are still not wanting visitors yet, especially now that he is back on the heavy drugs.

A huge Huge HUGE thank you for all the continuous love and support through all this. It’s funny, Nick is seriously concerned that he won’t be able to properly thank and recognize every single person for every single thing they’ve done to help us. He is just so grateful!!

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Pseudo artsy iPhone shot taken on a cloudy day. From the collection “Fener’s Final Foot Photoshoot”

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Still have to remind him to smile for the camera. I’d love to post a pic I took of the four ratty dreadlocks on the back of his head, but he’d probably kill me. Just call me Overkill Camera Lady!

Wednesday June 8

I don’t really remember life before Nicks accident. Skydiving, cuddling the doggies, working out, sleeping next to Nick….. that all seems a hundred years ago. I’m so present. Just dealing with right now. Sometimes I wonder how life will look next June, but can’t even begin to imagine it. Nick’s surgery went well today. He got a filter put into a vein in his torso. Nick Fener, Destroyer of Blood Clots. Blood Clot Gate Keeper. Clot Reeper. Hoping this preventative measure works! The staples are now finally out of his belly too. Everything looks good. And we’re gearing up for another surgery tomorrow.

Tuesday June 7, 2011

Today was our best day yet, for many reasons. Despite not being able to eat or drink past midnight last night, in hopes to have another ‘just kidding’ surgery today, Nick’s spirits are really high.

I’d like to clarify something I wrote yesterday about me feeling bad for sleeping in. I know many of you are concerned that I could possibly even feel that way, and that I need to take care of myself.  Well, I didn’t feel bad for sleeping in. I felt bad about not keeping my word to Nick. I told him I’d be here between 5-5:15am, and so he was expecting me.  I was an hour and a half later, with no show, no call. He wouldn’t have cared if I said I’d be here at 8am, as long as I showed up at 8am.  But not knowing where I was for an hour and a half yesterday morning made him worry about me.  That is the last thing he needs to do. At this point, I feel I need to be here first thing in the morning everyday. There is A LOT of action going on between 5am-8am. That’s when the doctors do their rounds and visit their patients. Nick’s half asleep when they’re here, so I need to be his eyes and ears and keep these people accountable for giving Nick the best care possible. So, I know I’m keeping long hours at the hospital, but it is absolutely necessary at this point in time.  And it’s temporary.  I take atleast one nap a day too. THAT, too, is absolutely necessary.

So, back to today. We got to see our MIA doggie while sitting outside, enjoying the beautiful day! That was super therapeutic to hold and love-on our little puppy girl. It absolutely made Nick’s day! And mine. Thank you Kim for bringing her to us.

I got to see one of the holes where Nick’s bones went through his foot. It made me gag. It’s incredibly difficult to make me gag from just looking at something disgusting. I knew there was a reason I didn’t go into the medical field. His wound is still open, but only about a fourth of the size as it was right after the accident.  The wound looks good. Clean, semi-dry and healing well. No infection. Yay!

Monday June 6 – day 18

Nobody said this would be easy. Our journey during this stage of life is such a rollercoaster. Today started off bad. 4-5 hours of sleep a night is rough for me (despite napping in a chair sometimes). I missed my 4:30am alarm and woke at 6:30 to a call from Nick, foggy from pain medicine and upset because he thought I was mugged or hurt or had left him. DAMN IT! I promised him I would never do that to him. He has enough to worry about besides where I am when I’m not with him.

He was also supposed to have surgery again today to deploy a filter into a vein in his abdomen to prevent possible blood clots from traveling to his lungs or heart. So he went without eating or drinking for 12 hours before finding out the surgery is postponed a few days. That also means that he had to take a different pain med today, and it made him feel really ill. We had a rough morning all around.

Nick briefly got into a wheelchair again, but it was more painful and a much bigger struggle than last time. Plus, he didn’t have my cool shades, so it practically didn’t count.

After 2+ weeks, we still don’t have a definitive plan of attack for his legs. We are both learning a serious lesson about patience.

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Nick showing off his sleek new ride, flashy shades and bad ass attitude!

Watch out world, here we come!

Sunday June 5, 2011

Well today is shaping up to be a pretty great day.  Yesterday was as well.  The painful pressure in Nick’s abdomen has subsided, and his appetite is coming back.  He even got to eat part of a Chipotle burrito (Thanks Lori!) Seeing Nick be able to eat and sleep again is priceless.  I know after a few more days of proper rest and nutrition he will start regaining some of his energy back.  He is less exhausted today than yesterday. His spirits are high, and he is very grateful for every aspect of his life right now.  Although this is a very shitty place to be right now, somehow we are managing to be ‘ok’ with it.  Not once has he turned to self pity, or even anger. I don’t know what the seven steps of grief are, but Nick seems to have found ‘acceptance’ rather quickly.  Or atleast that’s what he is portraying to me. And I’ve never known Nick to not be 100% open with me.

Physical therapy today was RAD!  He hadn’t had any since Thursday, which was very painful and exhausting.  Today, we got him into the wheelchair with greater ease. He was even able to hold himself sitting upright on the edge of the bed for a few seconds without us holding him.  We wheeled him down the elevator and right outside to the fresh air and sunshine.  What an amazing experience!  We really take those simple pleasures for granted.  There is no fresh air in the hospital room, no breeze, no birds chirping. He even said that it was “almost overwhelming.” On the way back to the room, he even took the wheels and rolled himself down the hall a little ways, slowly and carefully.

This morning, I got to see the long wound on his back from the spine surgery. It looks good!  Lots and lots of staples down his back, but healing swiftly. The bruises along the sides of his hips and abdomen are fading and he is wanting to spend more time lying on his sides in bed. Laying on your back for weeks can really make your butt numb.

I’ve got Nicks room decorated like teenage girl’s locker.  Lots of pictures of lots of friends! People walking by the door keep stopping to talk and look. It’s really fun.  The pictures are a reminder of what Nick will go back to, not what he is missing right now. There’s a big sign that says “Get Busy Living.”  It did say the whole quote at one point (Get Busy Living, or Get Busy Dying”, but Nick felt like he really WAS dying two days ago, so he asked me to remove that part.

Nick really wants to send out a message on here to everyone who has expressed their love and support for him.  In the next few days, when he’s up to it, we’ll make it happen. 

Saturday June 4

Yesterday was our worst day so far. Nick was in so much pain. His mood sucked because of the pain.  It wasn’t his legs or back either.  His stomach had him moaning and doubled over in bed all day. And we received a bit of bad news.  His next back surgery was supposed to be Tuesday, but they decided to wait 6-8 weeks. Their reasons are totally valid, but still, we want to get moving forward.

Hoping today is a better day.

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Nick and I skydiving with our friend Claire for Nick’s Birthday a few years ago. We would jump together any chance we could.

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Nick going balls out while wakeboarding on Lake Elsinore with our friends The Boswells.

Friday June 3 – It’s been 2 weeks

It’s been two weeks, but honestly, it just feels like the longest 3 days of my life. I have no idea what I mean by that. Yesterday was good for Nick. He had another leg wound wash out surgery.  They were able to close up the wound on his left foot. Still no reconstruction or decisions made regarding his legs though.   And then he slept on and off for the rest of the day/night. We had no visitors at all, other than docs, nurses, etc. Nick just wants to rest.  The cleaning, and testing, and updating, and blood drawing, and shifting, and washing and evaluating is super exhausting.  For both of us. Just keeping him comfortable is non stop action. Thank God, though, that he is even able to tell me what he needs, and that I can be here to provide it.

Nick is really doing quite well considering the extent of his injuries. He’s not depressed, but very accepting that life will forever be different, and all together much more challenging. It’s still way too early to tell exactly what functions he will have. That’s probably the hardest part right now (other than the lack of sleep). The not-knowing. Nick is young, strong, and healthy. So those factors are keeping us all optimistic. 

I haven’t left this room, other than to sleep at night, for the past 3 days. I literally can not. These nurses and cna’s have 9 other patients to care for. They’re busy.  It’s hard enough for me to get the help I need in order to help him.  Let alone him trying to handle it alone. I got a sweet cooler, and am stocking it in the mornings for all meals of the day.  Pretty soon I will be adding some of Nick’s faves to the list.  Just gotta work on that appetite. I’ve been bringing him some food, of which he has eaten mere bites. I know, it’s totally unbelievable. Nick, eating two bites, and pushing food away.  The strangest truth of all.

So, there was a fire alarm today from the second floor. I immediately began thinking about the easiest way to give a man with broken back and broken legs an adequate piggy back ride. The visual is not pretty. Glad it didn’t come to that though. Man, I wonder what these people are trained to do in a serious fire. There are hundreds of bed ridden patients here. That’s the second fire alarm (code red) in the last two weeks.  The kitchen caught on fire last week.  Awesome. Their experimental test-tube food probably ignited during the production process.

Wednesday June 1, 2011 Day 13

Nick is even tougher than I thought.  It’s only day 13 after his accident, a mere 3 days out of ICU, and he managed to get up into a wheelchair so we could push him around.  He said it was the single most exhausting thing he has ever done.  It took four of us to get him in and out of it.  An exhausting feat, worth every ounce of effort, getting into the chair let Nick see the world outside again, feel the sunshine through the windows, and move around.  He’s in good spirits, but SO ready to get out of here. Too bad he has quite a long way to go.

Working with him is a non-stop, 23/7 job. I’ve never worked for such a slave driver. “I’m thirsty, I’m exhausted, I want to roll over, I’m in pain!” God, you’d think he was in a horrible traumatic accident or something!  By the way, I’m totally kidding.  This ‘labor of love’ isn’t really a labor at all. I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. But I did make it clear to him that when this is all over with, and we move on with our lives, that owes me BIG TIME! 

We’ve been trying to watch funny movies together, but it’s near impossible to ever finish one.  The incessant interruptions keep us pressing Pause every 10 minutes!  No wonder he’s so exhausted! 

Today I found out that Nick is one of only three patients on this entire floor who has health insurance! Welcome to County.  There are armed guards all over the place, sitting outside the rooms of inmates. Orange jumpsuits and shackles are a repeated sight around here.  Despite the ghetto surroundings, this hospital has been giving Nick excellent treatment. His doctors and nurses are excellent, even though they ask stupid questions about skydiving. I’m totally making a sign to hang in his room about it. Will post pics later.

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Nick landing his parachute on the beach in Puerto Rico. Feb 2010

Tuesday May 31 Nick and Yuri

“Get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’” —Nicks all time favorite quote, The Shawshank Redemption

Today, Nick decided to get busy livin’. He has employed a freight train mentality about his injuries. Let’s do something about it and move on with life. His attitude is absolutely unbelievable! I know Nick to be a solid dude, but my awe over the level of strength and tenacity of this man has just sky rocketed. And his tolerance for pain just doesn’t seem real. I’m talkin about Iron Man here. It’s only day 12, and PT had him sitting up in bed, with his poor broken legs dangling off the edge. Now, it took 4 of us to get him in that position, and he only stayed sitting up for about two minutes, but that’s still incredible progress. Day 12!!!

We had some brutally honest, sometimes funny and inappropriate, Fener-ific conversations with his surgeons. Nick’s not shy, he demands the truth and wants to just git’r dun. Thank God. Because some of these up and coming decisions are too personal for someone else (me) to make. Hence why I battled hard to get his medications correct. Now he is taking charge! Go Nick!

We had a super special visitor today. Our friend Yuri came to see Nick. He came all the way from the 4th floor. Yuri is a friend and coworker who was also in a skydiving accident, just 35 days before Nick. God spared him too! They had a lot of laughs together in the brief visit. And it gave us hope to see how well Yuri is doing so soon. As irony would have it, the very last thing I said to Nick before his accident was about Yuri. As Nick was rushing out the door for work that morning, we made plans to finally go visit Yuri that evening. Damn Nick, we could have gone about it in a much simpler way!

Tonight I left Nick in his super dark room, snoring away. He managed to FINALLY fall asleep. And for the first time in 6+ years, I heard him talking in his sleep. Dude was having full on conversations. Very random conversations. But hopefully he sleeps soundly for many hours. He talked all day long today and got completely exhausted.