Wednesday February 29, 2012

If you’re not interested to know about mine and Nicks love life, then don’t read this post.
If you’re my Dad, don’t read this post!
Okay, I’ve warned you.

So Nick and I have essentially lost our sex life. It’s gone. A spinal cord injury will do that to ya. He has no physical feelings of the sexual nature what so ever. And it’s something we’ve pretty much been ignoring. Since we’ve been home for the past seven months, I can count on one hand the number of times we’ve attempted to “fool around.” And with each endeavor, it’s always the same outcome: submitting to the current fact that the spinal cord injury has robbed him of this basic human function. But today was a little different. Last week we talked to his doctor and got a few pill samples. You know, the stuff Bob Dole makes commercials about? I wish with all my might that I could say it worked, but it didn’t.
But here’s how we turned today’s experience into a win for us… We had fun. Now, I won’t go into any details, but I will say that we just enjoyed each others company, without the usual disappointments or bad feelings. We hope his functioning will return, but we’re starting to find more acceptance in what “is” for right now. I’m not saying we’re giving up hope. In fact, we haven’t even scratched the surface of possible solutions to this problem. We’re just getting started to explore the possibilities. I love him no matter what. This is the saddest part about Nicks injuries, but I refuse to sing a sad song about it because at least I still have him by my side. And even though we are currently limited in the bedroom, our relationship and bond is stronger than ever. Now THAT is a successful love life, if you ask me.

At Project Walk, Nick got a killer workout with Bri. She had him rolling back and forth on his back, and then coming up to standing, using his momentum. It hurt his tailbone, but was incredibly useful for strengthening his balance. He was also walking sideways and backward with the hand crutches, while attached to the walking harness. His legs are getting so much more muscular now because he’s doing weighted exercises at every visit. After only a few short weeks, he’s really kicking ass.

Tuesday February 28, 2012

Nick missed his gym training this morning. He slept poorly and felt bad. What a bummer. The day got better though after I fed him some caffeine. Since the dude never drinks coffee, a Starbucks treat really perked him right up. We continued on to have a quiet yet productive day together. I was grateful for some time to be at home without people here. Life’s been quite hectic for us lately.
While enjoying our yummy coffee drinks, we spent a lot of time talking about the shape of our lives to come. What do we want to create? What are our goals? Well, we didn’t really decide on anything. I realize that we’re both entirely too wrapped up in the moment to begin thinking big picture yet. Too much is riding on his recovery. EVERYTHING is riding on his recovery. I do have some pretty awesome ideas though, it’s just too soon to even entertain them.

Monday February 27, 2012

Today was my first day going to work again. It just didn’t feel right. I didn’t actually get to jump because it was too windy and rainy, but I was there all day. I’m still sorting my feelings about it, so I’ll wait to elaborate. It was an emotional experience for me though. I did not like kissing Nick good bye this morning and leaving him to himself. But even though I didn’t like it, he did great. He had a very productive morning until it was time to leave for Project Walk with his friend Bandito. At this point, even though Nick can drive, he still needs to be driven to therapy. More than an hour in each direction, with a two hour work out in between, is just too much for him. Maybe one day soon, but not now.

Today Bri put a table in front of him and a table behind him, had him stand between them and toss a ball back and forth. He said he could do about six tosses before losing his balance. And he explained that it was every ounce of strength and strain within him to hold his body up. I’m so bummed that I missed it. When he got home tonight, he was in a great mood. He felt good and said he had a great day.

He’s said a few times lately that “he wouldn’t do it again.” Meaning that if he had to re-do this nine month experience (or something similar) that he just wouldn’t do it. I’m not sure how I feel about that statement, but I can at least pull one positive thing from it. When he has said it, he says it in a way that alludes to the experience being over. Like he’s past the experience. And I think he feels that way a little bit. Even though he’s not completely rehabilitated, and has a long way to go, he’s past the hard part. He says the first 6 months were absolute hell, and that it’s been getting better ever since. I can sense it in him too. He is making huge strides daily. He’s incredible to me. Now, if I could just get him to trim that damn beard.

Saturday February 25, 2012

Days like today make my heart smile. Nick really shined today as an independent person. He went to the gym on his own and got a killer work out. He says Jamon shows him no mercy, and he loves it! I even heard him tell a friend, “working out is fun.” I’m very grateful that he’s enjoying it, because he has no other choice if he wants to get his life back.
After his workout he went to Lowe’s to get a part to repair his hand controls. Then he went to Target to get a few items. He got a body pillow to help him sleep better. (From the sound of it, it’s working well!) He painted a picture of himself wheeling around Target with this huge pillow across his lap, with several other items tucked between his legs. I wish I could’ve seen it. He also stopped and pumped his own gas. I know it seems like he does this all day, everyday, but he was actually putting it in the car this time.
As if that wasn’t enough, he came home and showered on his own! He has needed my help to shower this whole time. But today I couldn’t be here, so I laid out his towels and clean clothes in advance, and he did the rest. What an amazing feeling for him to be experiencing some of the most basic tasks in life, independently. We take for granted our ability to just quickly hop in the shower and then move on with our day. A shower for him is a long process. And now to do it successfully on his own is a huge step forward! Again, I am so extremely proud! How could I not be? He’s amazing.

Crutches at Project Walk 2-24-12

Nick is in the harness practicing with the hand crutches. Taking away the fear and risk of falling means he can push himself harder to use the proper muscles. Looking good!

Nick, Shazza & Benji at Skydive Perris 2-23-12

Thanks for the awesome photo Pat Newman! Nick was out at the DZ yesterday showing off his new moves.

Friday February 24, 2012

Nick finally found a new hobby, that has nothing to do with rehabilitation, and nothing to do with any previous hobbies he’s had. And I’m thrilled! I’ve been encouraging him to find something fun to do for a while now. So last week he bought a remote control off-road truck. It flips and rolls and jumps, and makes Nick so incredibly happy. He says when he’s driving it, he doesn’t even notice his pain. The only down side is that it takes two people to operate it, so he can’t just go outside and mob it around on his own. He needs a second person to put it back on its wheels when it flips over. Other than that, it’s bad ass! He raced it around our property this morning before we left for Project Walk.

Nick had his best therapy session ever today! He walked A LOT! Bri put him in the hanging harness, and he walked with his hand crutches. The harness allowed him to experiment with using his arms less, without the fear of falling. He was using his hips more to follow through with each step. But the best part about today was the shift in pain. He said something “clicked” with his body. His mid back wasn’t doing all the work to hold him up. He was having a difficult time explaining it, but basically he walked lap after lap without needing to sit down. And afterward, his middle back wasn’t burning like it usually does. Some other part of his body is kicking in and deciding to contribute to this walking thing. Finally!

And what Friday evening would be complete without a 4 hour trip to the emergency vet clinic? MIA dog was really sick when we got home from Project Walk. Normally I would have waited a few hours and monitored her myself. But tonight was different. She looked half way gone. I only had to imagine the possible consequences of waiting too long to treat her. Nick was worried too, so we agreed that getting immediate treatment would be the best thing for her. We’re still not sure what happened, but she’s feeling significantly better. Not quite 100% though. They ruled out several very serious issues and let me bring her home.

Nick and MIA are currently cuddled up in a warm blanket, having a snoring contest.

Thursday February 23, 2012

Poor guy. He’s really sore today from all that walking yesterday. He walked a lot in the morning, did two hours of therapy, then went straight to dinner where he walked into and out of the restaurant without getting to rest at all. I gave him a nice massage before shipping him off to the gym this morning. His mid back is doing a lot of the work to hold him up. I can’t even imagine how painful this whole process must be for him. I really take his lack of complaining for granted. I don’t see him as a man who lost his legs. I see him as an athlete training for the Olympics.

Tonight as we were leaving a restaurant with friends, Nick zoomed ahead of us to go to an ATM in the parking lot. As I came out the door, I looked up and saw Nick laying on the ground with his wheelchair tipped over on its side. Of course, the one moment I don’t have the video camera rolling he falls out of his chair. He took a curb too fast, popped the wheelie too soon, and tumbled right out of the chair sideways. He landed on his butt cheek, not his tailbone, thank God! He’s ok, but when we got in the car, he said he twisted his ankle. The fall triggered a phantom feeling in his left ankle. He said it felt bruised and twisted. That’s so weird!!!

Wednesday February 22, 2012

Talk about the highs and lows of life. This weekend I could barely get out of bed; today I couldn’t stop dancing and singing! I felt happy to the depths of my soul today. I felt good on so many levels. Helping Nick get independent on his hand crutches this morning was the highlight of my day. We did one practice run, through the whole house. I spotted him the entire way and was totally useless. He was solid. So I grabbed my camera for the next lap. He impresses the hell out of me. The drive he has, and the way he pushes himself through pain and exhaustion is a testament to his commitment to succeed. There is no way he would be this far already, if it wasn’t for his sheer will.

At Project Walk, he walked across the therapy floor while just holding onto Bri’s forearms. No harness, no walker. And when he got to his destination, the parallel bars, he didn’t need to stop and sit. He kept going on the bars. Incredible!

Video: Nick with hand crutches

UnFrickenBelievable! Three weeks at Project Walk combined with some hardware adjustments on his legs…and… Voila!!!

Fortune cookie 2-21-12

He read his fortune, got very quiet and introspective, then nodded and said to himself, “I really am. I really, really am.”

Standing up cheering 2-21-12

A very, very proud moment!! (nevermind the funny look on his face)

Video: Nick stands unassisted 2-21-12

Sorry about the poor video quality. Something went haywire during the upload process.

Tuesday February 21, 2012

Yesterday was the nine month point since Nick’s accident. I’ve probably said this before, but I look forward to the time when the 20th of each month doesn’t trigger emotions for me. The last few months of “anniversaries” have felt pretty good. I’ve used that time to reflect upon how far he’s come. But just the fact that I still measure time in “months since Nick’s accident” means that it’s still engulfing my heart and mind. I’m okay with that… for now anyway.

We saw Nick’s prosthetist today, and addressed a list of concerns. Now that he can straighten  his hips more, and stand taller, he has been standing too far on his toes. Also, his therapist at Project Walk  noticed that one leg is about a quarter inch longer than the other. How we missed that before, I just don’t know. But we got them both fixed today.

Just those two minor adjustments and Nick can now stand up straight, unassisted, not holding the bars, for about 20 seconds or so. Wow! The longest he could let go for was 1 second, before today. When he did it for the first time today, it brought tears to my eyes. It’s been almost a year since I’ve seen Nick stand upright, totally relaxed and sturdy. It’s amazing what a little tweaking to the ol’ fake legs will do for a guys balance. Now that his feet are slightly more flexed, he says that walking feels better. It looks better too. I can see that he’s rolling more smoothly from his heals to his toes.

An accomplishment like this one just affirms how close he is to walking unassisted. He also tried walking along the parallel bars only using one hand. He made about four steps before losing balance. Prior to today, he couldn’t even take one step forward unless both hands were holding him up.

I am really looking forward to seeing him workout at Project Walk tomorrow. I’ve got to see these new adjustments in action. I may even skip my beach workout to watch every second of his. THAT’S how stinkin’ epic this is!!

Monday February 20, 2012

Waking up to a brand new day. Feeling much better after a physically and emotionally exhausting weekend. I was pretty ill and unhappy yesterday. Stayed in bed til 3. Would have remained there except a good friend came into town. She saved the day.

Nick had fun yesterday though. He went go-karting with his brother Dan. It was his idea. He wanted to do it. Now that’s the Nick Fener I used to know. Since his accident, he hasn’t really pursued any fun on his own. He’s either too tired or in too much pain. So to see him do this on his own was refreshing. And he raced three times. Bet he’s sore today!
Today we’re going for a walk, he’s going to work out, and then he has a doctors appointment. Back to the grind you can say.

Saturday February 18, 2012

We both witnessed someone die today. We went home and laid in each others arms for a few hours, absorbing every bit of gratitude for being able to still do so.
Very, very sad day.

Friday February 17, 2012

At some point today it occurred to me that tomorrow is the six month mark since Nicks last back surgery. That’s cool and all, but this information is
most exciting because it means that there’s only six months remaining until the one year anniversary of that surgery. That’s when the doc said he could skydive again. Thinking about it in those terms made Nick overflow with excitement on the way to Project Walk.
Today was the first time we’ve talked in depth about the future of his skydiving. We visualized the logistics of the plane ride and exit, the free fall and tracking away, the opening and the landing.
I asked him the most valid question I could think of. “What needs to change in order for you to be ready for this in six months?” The short answer is: a lot. Despite it seeming too lofty a goal (to me), Nick is dreaming big and setting his sights for that date. His goal is to be stronger than he’s ever been in his life by August 18. He plans to be walking unassisted by then and have much less tailbone pain by then. To sum it up, he has a lot of work to do.
He told me that during therapy today, he kept thinking about skydiving and the “six month countdown.” I imagine that’s a huge motivation for him, like a bride-to-be dieting to fit into a smaller wedding dress on the big day. It’s fun getting excited with him. He misses his old life tremendously. Despite coping very well and staying extremely positive, his current situation is a far cry from anything he previously considered acceptable for his life. He’s living proof that you never know how you’re going to handle something until you’re faced with it. Thank God for Nicks determination, humility and uplifting spirit, in a time when crumbling would have been much easier.

Cut up jumpsuit 2-16-12

Was going through Nicks skydiving stuff today. These are the clothes that were cut off of him when he got hurt. Emergency responders weren’t messing around!

Thursday February 16, 2012

Nick passed his driving test like a champion, even though the lady dinged him for pulling away from a curb in a residential area without using his blinker. Big whoop! Now the next step is to get the hand controls installed in the CR-V. I don’t mind getting them permanently installed. At least twice last week I was wishing we had the hand controls so he could do some of the driving for me.

Well it’s official, I am re-joining the work force in 10 days. It’s time. We both feel good about it. And now that his schedule is finally locked down, I can focus on working mine around it. This will be good for so many reasons. Too many to list. I have to admit that I’m a little nervous. But only a little. I’m more focused really. Turns out there are tons of little things that I need to take care of before I can get back at it. To start, my equipment is scattered about, lost, dirty or needs attention. I’ve got a detailed checklist and already chiseling away at what needs to be done.
I’m really looking forward to having something in my life that’s for me. And working again can offer me that. I wish Nick was joining me though. He wants to work skydiving again so badly. And neither of us wants to spend that time away from each other. We’ve been working together for four years and love it! When it’s time for him to find work, hopefully we can be close. It’s important to us.

Red Hat Society 2-15-12

Nick met some ladies from The Red Hat Society at IHOP, and asked if he could join their “gang.”

Bicycle 2-15-12

Nick rode the stationary bike today. The main objective was to find an activity that will help strengthen his right leg. Something he can do at the gym on his own. He practiced his one-legged peddling for a while. I see Spin classes in his future!

Wednesday February 15, 2012

Back at Project Walk today, a long journey there and back in the rain. A minor inconvenience is totally worth it because his progress is so astounding. He does this certain exercise, in which he lays on his side and kicks his top leg back into Bri’s hands. Last week, his right leg needed a little assistance to do this. She had to hold his leg steady or it would drop. Not today though. He kicked that right leg back with steadiness and much greater precision. Of course, this action requires the backs of his legs, and now that they’re activating a bit, the maneuver is getting easier. Noticeable daily progress is exciting and motivating!

He also had a fun little interview with a charming 12 year old boy who is making a documentary about Project Walk. His grandmother suffered a spinal cord injury from road biking, so his heart is drawn to helping people with that injury. The short film will be showcasing Project Walk, it’s staff and clients, with hopes to raise awareness and funds for the facility. This is his way to pay it forward. How cool is that?

Well, tomorrow is the big day, Nick is finally taking the official driving test with hand controls. I’m just hoping there’s no written test. The practical will be very easy for him, but I’m sure the written portion would stump many of us. Here’s hoping it all goes smoothly, because absolutely nothing, with regards to getting the hand controls installed in the new car, has gone right up to this point.

Tuesday February 14, 2012

Happy Valentines Day. This is a bit of a re-blog, and it’s definitely NOT my style to re-blog, but since I live by these rules I thought it was appropriate to share. This is the secret to mine and Nicks happiness, even through the heart break and despair of losing our love-life as we once knew it.

6 phrases to use for a successful relationship:
1. You look great.
2. Can I help?
3. Let’s eat out.
4. I was wrong.
5. I am sorry.
6. I LOVE YOU.

This is an excerpt from an 85 year old mans life story who had lost his wife after 53 year of marriage. It’s comforting to know we are following in their foot steps (even if I’m the only one with the feet!)

Tonight we decided to celebrate Valentines Day in a very unique way. We invited some friends over to play poker and hang out. We were joined by one other couple and a few single friends. What a fun night! It was the un-Valentine celebration. I think maybe we have started a tradition here.
It’s hard for me to take Valentines Day seriously. I don’t want balloons, roses, red foil wrapped chocolates, stuffed animals, crowded restaurants, jewelry, or unnecesary expectations. Last year Nick took me camping in Joshua Tree and we did a private rock climbing course. Now that’s my idea of romantic. And it was actually a total fluke that our trip landed on VDay. I couldn’t have cared less.
I hope all my friends and loved ones had a fabulous Valentines Day though. But if you didn’t, or you were all alone, just remember, today was just like any other Tuesday, of any other week. There just happens to be a lot of red and pink candy for sale in all the stores.

Tomorrow he returns to Project Walk. He got asked to do an interview for a documentary being filmed tomorrow. A local Carlsbad church is teaching kids about paying it forward. One kid decided to focus on PW. And I guess the pastor of that church visited PW, was wildly impressed, and decided to make a documentary about it. Will find out more details about it tomorrow. Very excited though… for that and the therapy.

Video- Nick jumps in the pool 2-14-12

Singin’ in the Rain 2-13-12

Beautiful day for a lake front stroll.

Monday February 13, 2012 GRATITUDE

A few things that I’m grateful for today…

-I am grateful to sleep on a comfortable mattress every night.
-I am grateful for having plenty of food to eat, and never knowing what it’s like to go hungry.
-I am grateful for my emotional resilience and the ability to “see the good” in life.
-I am grateful for Nicks help in the kitchen tonight. He juiced for me even though he was in pain and wanting to lay down.
-I am grateful for my physical health and my desire to keep it as I grow older
-I am grateful for our new car. It serves us on a daily basis, making life easier and safer, and allows us to comfortably carry cargo such as a wheelchair, walker, groceries, gym bags and more.
-Love. I am grateful to feel loved.

What are some things you are grateful for?

Monday February 13, 2012

Today begins the first of two “slow” weeks as far as Project Walk is concerned. He’s only scheduled on Wednesday and Friday. After this two week lull, he begins his permanent schedule of Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. We both thrive with a bit of structure, so finally having a schedule locked down will help dramatically to increase our productivity and over all quality of life. This week he’s returning to his previous gym training schedule (Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday,) and will combine it with Project Walk for an active 6-day workout week.

Today, we went for a long walk in the drizzly weather at Menifee Lakes. It’s a safe, paved path along a beautiful little man-made lake. He walked three times farther than he did at the beach the other day. We were out there for over 30 minutes, including his brief resting times. There was a slight down/up hill grade and he handled it with pure grace. The hill wouldn’t even be noticeable to a normal person, but for someone with minimal stamina, it was a bit of a challenge. Going down it, he struggled to keep his weight off his arms. His triceps were killing him afterward. Going up the slope, he said he couldn’t quite “figure it out.” I’m still not sure exactly what he meant by that, but I know it has something to do with the lack of flex in his ankles. They don’t roll as he steps, so the placement is critical, and can be super awkward. I guess his knees were locking out when he stepped flat footed. This will certainly be addressed at his next prosthetist appointment, which is hopefully this month.

One of the most significant things about our walk today, is that he was getting sore immediately. Not nerve pain, or bone soreness, but muscle soreness. His butt and the backs of his legs were getting sore, the way they would if you started a brand new workout routine without having worked out in years. This is significant because they were sore from working. This means he was using his glutes and hamstrings to walk, something he really hadn’t noticed before. He really has come a long way in just a few short weeks.

Bowling 2-12-12

We went bowling to celebrate Shazza’s first annual 39th birthday. Here’s Fener, getting ready to gutter. He was quick to correct me this morning about his score last night; he got 13 points, not 12!

Sunday February 12, 2012

We came back from the beach feeling refreshed and renewed. I’ve said this before, I know. These mini weekend getaways are proving to be critical for us. This week was perfect timing for this because of his early therapy sessions. We were both more relaxed trying to get him there early because the drive time was only a quarter of the usual time.
We spent time on the beach, in the beautiful hotel room, and checking out the town. I got a lot of quality beach time during Nicks therapy and nap times. I took time to feed my soul with jogging, walking, reading, yoga, napping and sand sculpting.
We borrowed the sand wheelchair and let Nick experience the ocean close up. He napped on the sand and enjoyed the sunset too. We had a super fun, yet accidental lunch with friends, and we cooked $4 lobster tails on the hotel BBQ.
On the last night, Nick and I enjoyed a romantic date. We ate sushi and watched live music and dancing. Then we sat on the stairs over looking the dark night and majestic ocean waves. When I got too cold, we took a seat by the outdoor fireplace at the hotel.
Now that we’re back home it’s time to get busy. More swimming, more stretching, more walking and more working out.

Tonight we went bowling for a bad ass friends birthday. Nick bowled for an entire game and got 12 whole points. Bowling used to be a semi hobby for us, so this was certainly not typical for him. Excellent fun though, and he’s really such a good sport. Bowling in a wheelchair looks awkward. It was everything he had to not hit the ball on the wheels. And of course, he refused to use the kiddie ramp. Those 12 points were all him!!

Walking at the beach 2-11-12

We went there strictly to exercise and enjoy our last few moments at the beach before going home. He walked farther than ever before, and didn’t even fall once. So proud!

Sand wheelchair 2-9-12

How awesome is this contraption? It even has a removable umbrella. We borrowed it from the life guard headquarters, for no charge. It’s much easier to push on the dry sand, than the wet, hard packed sand. What a treat! Still enjoying life, even with the modifications! And that’s what it’s all about!

Nick falls down video 2-8-12

Go ahead and laugh, you know you want to…

Wednesday February 8, 2012

Nick got beat up at therapy today. He pushed around a heavy table, against resistance. He was immediately jello-y and sore. He did some other new stuff too, that I didn’t get to take pictures or video of. I was too busy restoring Nicks phone after I deleted the whole thing last night. I haven’t seen him that bummed in a while. It sounds silly but it was devastating. He thought he lost 15 years of phone numbers, but thankfully I got most all of it back.

Carlsbad is awesome. The beach is peaceful. Our hotel room is incredible. And our company is super fun. I’m glad Seth came down with us for some quality time. Tomorrow he is taking Nick to Project Walk to see the magic happen. I’m sad to be missing it, but happy to spend some alone time at the beach.

By the way, I gave up about the wheelie bars on his wheelchair. They’re off. And every time he hops a curb I have a mini heart attack, but he insists he’s better off without them. I’m choosing my battles, and this is no longer one of them.

He also took a spill in the sand today. Everything started off wrong. Wrong tools, wrong approach, wrong expectations, wrong hand placement. So, he went down. We’ve watched the video now at least 40 times. Each time more hilarious than the last! Sorry Nick, I’m sharing this video because our people must know what a good time we’re having at the beach. We’re laughing at you, not with you!

First time on the beach 2-8-12

With one arm around each of our necks, Nick walked from the road to this spot. But not without a small spill first. This is his “I’m exhausted” position.

Walker video 2-7-12

Nick attempted a new walker trick tonight. A 180* turn around to sit on the attached seat. Here he is showing off the new move!

Nick walking with walker VIDEO Feb 7 2012

Tuesday February 7, 2012

Nick took a planned day off from Project Walk in order to have an appointment at the DMV for a driving test. Not our choice, and in my opinion, a completely unnecessary head ache. It felt good to send him off by himself though. He was confident and excited to get this over with, especially since it was weeks of paper work and phone calls just to get this appointment set. When he arrived, they asked him 5 questions, and then said he was cleared to set the appointment for the drivers test. What a waste of time! We were told that today was the test. All this to get the hand controls permanently installed in the new car. Ok, we’ll play their game. What’s one more little hurdle in the grand scheme of life? When life doesn’t cooperate with your pre-set plans, change your plans. Stop trying to paddle upstream, it’s bad for your health!

I had an extremely productive day, getting ready to leave for a few days in Carlsbad with Seth Fener. We leave at 7:30 tomorrow morning. There’s so much to do!

Rolling Mirror leg lift 2-6-12

Project Walk has dozens of rolling mirrors that are used to help participants watch their form and also make that mind/body connection. Here, Nick is trying to kick his legs back to activate and strengthen his glutes and hamstrings.

Getting ready w Bree 2-6-12

Bree is hooking him to the marionette. She is such a bad ass therapist! And no, I’m not just saying it because she might be reading this. We are so stoked on her. She’s the text book definition of a Legit Female!

Walk the line 2-6-12 PW

The harness takes some of his weight, allowing the proper muscles to work while walking, instead of him leaning on his arms.

Monday February 6, 2012

Back at Project Walk again today. He is so much stronger than just two weeks ago. Instead of using the 40lb setting to hold him standing with the body harness, Bree set it to 30lbs. This forced his core to work overtime to keep him upright. He stood for a long time without using his hands.
Next, Bree put him in a harness on a track (he looked like a puppet on a string) to walk with a walker. He walked very upright, with almost no weight on his arms. This was the best I’ve ever seen him do. We were all beaming with pride! He was exhausted and sweating, after only a few short trips. This contraption allowed him to have a proper body position and use his legs and core instead of his arms for stability. We can’t wait to go back on Wednesday for more.

After a week without his OxyContin, it was finally approved. Without bitching about all the frustrating details, I will say that we learned a critical lesson regarding pharmacies and communication. He could have received the meds last Thursday, but it fell through the cracks, even with Nick calling daily to expedite the process. After a mini fit of anger this morning, we’ve moved on emotionally and are grateful it’s over and that Nick has his meds (until we have to deal with this again next month, and the month after that, and the month after that…)

Last night I received a phone call from an incredible woman named Candice, whom I’ve never met. Her husband Tim Sagehorn was in a terrible skydiving accident at Elsinore on December 8. She found my blog and decided to get in touch. What a brave, selfless, determined, thorough, caring and smart woman!
Tim is still in the hospital with a very bad brain injury and multiple fractures to his lower body. He’s in bad shape. I have faith he will get back to living a fulfilling life, but I know it will be a long road for them. Hearing his story makes me grateful for Nick all over again. I am so grateful we are past those daily battles in the hospital. He has very little support from his own family and was a fairly new jumper as well. I hope Candice doesn’t mind that I also mention they were (are) in the process of a divorce. But despite this, she has been by his side non stop since the day of the accident, living in a hotel room for a month and taking weeks and weeks off of work. Her dedication and perseverance is incredible, her character unshakable, and I was inspired deeply when I spoke with her. Please visit her blog/donation website for Tim. He could really use our support right now. Tim Sagehorn Blog

Sunday February 5, 2012

Yesterday, while at the dropzone, Nick had the privilege of meeting a man who helped save his life. The Swedish man was walking to the airplane for a jump, and stopped to talk to Nick. He was one of the first responders when Nick landed. I’m still a bit unclear whether he actually administered CPR, as I thought Nick was breathing, but unconscious. Nick isn’t sure either because the conversation was brief. But it really made him feel good to meet and thank a fellow jumper who rushed to his aid when he needed it most. Our community is incredible!

Watching the Super Bowl at our house today was fun. We had lots of home made guacamole and veggie pizza, girl scout cookies and beer. Dan Feners team lost, but Madonna at half time made up for it (not really.)

This week is pretty busy for us. Lots of therapy at Project Walk, and a silly driving test at the DMV. Don’t get me started about this baloney (bologna??) They are making him jump through hoops to legally drive with hand controls. And honestly, we don’t care about the legality, but these steps are required by the mechanic in order to get the hand controls permanently installed in the new car. Otherwise, the set he ordered online would suit us just fine. It’s bull shit really, but we will play their game because we have to.
Nick has three early appointments at PW this week, so we will probably be getting a hotel room down there to make it easier on us. Yeah, like staying by the beach for three days is a terrible chore! I like to call it a working vacation. We both deserve it.

Saturday February 4, 2012

There’s a saying about needing to experience the darkness in order to appreciate the light (can’t remember who said it… Confucius? Britney Spears? Bill Gates?) Anyway, thank you God that today was a new day. We woke up feeling good, ready for a kick ass workout at the gym. Nick hasn’t seen Jamon for a week because of Project Walk. Jamon didn’t care, he worked him even harder! I love it that he takes very little mercy on Nick, and treats him like a regular dude. He’s an excellent trainer!

This afternoon we went to the dropzone to jump and see friends. We don’t do this nearly enough. It’s like walking (and rolling) the gauntlet when we arrive. If we went more often, people wouldn’t be so excited to see us. It feels like coming home though. Like I’m taking a quick tour of my old life, saying hello, then returning to reality.
But today was strange for me. The dropzone was extremely busy, and I was overwhelmed with the flooding of stimuli coupled with my own nerves. So if I ignored you, I’m sorry. My head was spinning. The jumps were fun. I made two before heading home.
Nick got lunch, lots of hugs, a chair massage, and a blanket from a stranger because he was cold.
What a great day!

Dropzone massage 2-4-12

Trying to feel good after a not-so-good week.

Friday February 3, 2012

Didn’t Mama always say that if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything…?
Okay. Instead, I’ll skate around it with forced gratitude.

Even though the pharmacy doesn’t have his pain meds, I’m grateful that they are at least “working on it.”

Even though I didn’t get to touch it, I’m grateful that I saw the ocean today.

Even though I could barely hold my eyes open during our two hour, traffic nightmare of a drive home, I’m grateful that we made it home safe.

Even though Nick is miserable, I’m grateful that he’s still here.

Even though I’m grumpy and exhausted, I’m grateful that I can still tap into the love in my heart.

Even though life sent us on a major detour, I’m grateful that we are triumphantly braving our own path.

Thursday February 2, 2012

Nick had a rough day today. I feel safe blaming it primarily on the lack of his continued release pain medicine, and the frustration involved in hunting it down. He was on the phone about this damn medicine almost the entire drive down to Project Walk this morning (and yesterday too.) His patience is wearing thin, especially since he’s in pain. But we are putting lots of good energy into getting that prescription filled tomorrow. 

He had a great workout, and was very fatigued toward the end. He said he had to dig really deep just to keep going. He was so strong and determined, though visibly tired. I am so proud of him. 

I had the privilege of meeting a ridiculously inspiring girl today. I’d like to say it was by chance, but since I’m kind of stalking her, I knew she’d be at Project Walk today! Stalking isn’t the right word, it’s more like anticipating her attendance. Her name is Rachelle. I stumbled upon her amazing story about a month ago, was completely transfixed, and contacted her immediately. This must be how some of the people we’ve never met feel who have contacted us. I just knew I had to meet her. And today I got that chance. She’s at Project Walk for another three weeks of therapy, all the way from North Carolina. I won’t even attempt to re-tell her story, but I encourage everyone to check out her website. She inspired me to seek peace and acceptance through this process of healing. www.rachellefriedman.com  One thing I was really impressed with when meeting her, was the smile in her voice, her genuine laugh, and the way she expressed her love for her husband (newly married.) She radiated peace and beauty. And I’m not the only one to notice. The TV show Inside Edition was there doing a program on her and another guy named Anthony (www.walkingwithanthony.org)  

 

How to use a walker video 2-2-12

We were having a little fun this morning while I cooked breakfast.
How to use a walker, Fener style

Beach

I have a confession. I’ve been going to the beach during the first half of Nicks therapy sessions. And it feels GOOD! The fresh air, sunshine, sand between my toes, ocean sounds, and immeasurable feeling of pure freedom, are too much to resist. This is my own little handful of living right now. An hour walking along the water is enough to clear my head of all the junk, and let the creativity flow in. My vision of my future is coming into focus now.
Next up: getting our hands on a sand wheelchair so Fener can join me!

Thursday February 2, 2012

Nick had a rough day today. I feel safe blaming it primarily on the lack of his continued release pain medicine, and the frustration involved in hunting it down. He was on the phone about this damn medicine almost the entire drive down to Project Walk this morning (and yesterday too.) His patience is wearing thin, especially since he’s in pain. But we are putting lots of good energy into getting that prescription filled tomorrow.

He had a great workout, and was very fatigued toward the end. He said he had to dig really deep just to keep going. He was so strong and determined, though visibly tired. I am so proud of him.

I had the privilege of meeting a ridiculously inspiring girl today. I’d like to say it was by chance, but since I’m kind of stalking her, I knew she’d be at Project Walk today! Stalking isn’t the right word, it’s more like anticipating her attendance. Her name is Rachelle. I stumbled upon her amazing story about a month ago, was completely transfixed, and contacted her immediately. This must be how some of the people we’ve never met feel who have contacted us. I just knew I had to meet her. And today I got that chance. She’s at Project Walk for another three weeks of therapy, all the way from North Carolina. I won’t even attempt to re-tell her story, but I encourage everyone to check out her website. She inspired me to seek peace and acceptance through this process of healing. www.rachellefriedman.com  One thing I was really impressed with when meeting her, was the smile in her voice, her genuine laugh, and the way she expressed her love for her husband (newly married.) She radiated peace and beauty. And I’m not the only one to notice. The TV show Inside Edition was there doing a program on her and another guy named Anthony (www.walkingwithanthony.org)

Wednesday February 1, 2012

I’ve learned the art of saying “I’m sorry.” And so has Nick. These two little words can instantly transform an edgy moment into laughter and a loving embrace. This is definitely my favorite defuser. It’s not the same as saying “It’s my fault.” It’s more like saying, “I love you, and I value our relationship more than I value this temporary feeling of winning.” It’s such an important skill to develop in order to maintain a happy, loving vibe. Even though Fener and I have always had a great relationship, this is particularly important now that emotions can peak in an instant. I feel so sad for people who refuse to humble themselves in this way. It feels good to bow to Nick, to allow him to save face sometimes, and to bypass any hurt feelings that may be looming past a relatively unimportant quarrel. Now, I’m not talking about serious stuff like infidelity and abuse. No. I’m talking about the day-to-day agitations and disagreements, the irritabilities and frustrations. Try it. You might like the way your relationship feels.

So, Nick had his second-opinion appointment regarding the spinal cord stimulator today. We went down to UCSD to see their lead pain specialist. What a great doctor. He recommended that Nick hold off on the stimulator until he is at the peak of his rehabilitation. We agree, and have been feeling this way since Nick got these new pain meds. Now that his pain is under control, we’re not in a rush. It feels good to be operating from a place of power, rather than a place of panic.
When I asked him if he had any other options besides narcotics and the stimulator implant, he recommended marijuana for Nick’s pain. Really? A legitimate doctor, at a teaching hospital, is suggesting pot? He said that many, many of his patients tell him how much marijuana helps with their pain. The only dose specific, oral pill of marijuana is something Nick had already taken in the hospital, and it’s synthetic. They prescribed it to help with his appetite, which it did. But it sure didn’t help with pain. The doctor today couldn’t really prescribe anything though. It was more of an open conversation, discussing, not necessarily endorsing, this “alternative” therapy. Interesting.

Tuesday January 31, 2012

Nick standing with the body harness. Bree is pulling his hips forward, and pushing his knees straight. He looked good and felt good. Progress!

Tuesday January 31, 2012

Welcome to my new blog format! It’s about time I graduated to something a little more sophisticated. There will no longer be a private messaging section, but there will be the ability to comment on individual posts and pictures. How cool is that!? I’m really excited for the next chapter in Nick Fener blogland. My intention is to keep this blog running forever. It started as a recovery blog, and will continue as a “life after injury blog” and then further transition into an adventure blog. I require a daily outlet for expression, and this is it. I am also writing another blog, about the lessons I’ve learned through this journey, and journeys past. Soon, I’ll be linking the two together. Double the pleasure, double the fun… or something like that.
So, thanks for reading! Thanks for sharing. And thanks for the good thoughts and positive vibes you’ve been sending our way for the past 8 months. I’d have been totally lost with out all the awesome letters of support, love and advice. Really, I mean it!

Nick had another incredible therapy session at Project Walk today. While driving home, he said that his hips finally felt normal while standing today. He couldn’t quite describe what he meant by that, but just that his hips felt normal again. This is only his 3rd session! Today he stood with a body harness supporting about 40 pounds of his weight. This allowed his arms to be free, and forced his core, hips, and legs to do all the work. He was sweating! And it wasn’t easy, but it felt good to him! I am so insanely proud of the progress he is making. I certainly don’t expect life to get back to normal any time soon, but I do expect to see huge changes in the near future. In the meantime, it’s fun to see the daily progress. He’s feeling pretty good too.