A pivotal shift has finally occurred in Fener Land. This adjustment has been weeks in the making (we’ve had the same discussion many, many times). The crutches will now be taking the wheelchair’s place as Nick’s main mode of transportation. Not on long treks, but definitely all the short ones.
His constant tailbone pain has been holding him back from making this necessary switch, and honestly, his pain level hasn’t calmed down much. What has changed is Nick’s attitude about it: he realizes he has a choice. Either he steps up his game now despite the pain, or he waits for the pain to subside before going to the next level (which isn’t guaranteed to happen). In typical Fener fashion, he has wisely chosen to work through the pain, suck it up, and get to walkin’.
So from now on, if you see Fener in his wheelchair, it’ll be for good reason (like his pain is elevated, he has a great distance to travel, or a 5-year-old needs a ride). Otherwise, He Be Crutchin’.
Haven’t felt like writing in a few days. Been painting for my therapy instead. Both are equally satisfying at the time, however, I do not feel a sense of panicky guilt when I don’t paint for four days.
We’ve had a lot of different friends around this past week. Thank God, because I love my friends. They keep me sane! Yesterday was our first evening home alone in almost a week, and just when we thought everything was okay, it all went to hell. Nick had another phantom pain attack like the one he had in Hermosa. In his good leg! It came on with no warning, and lasted for over two hours, completely crippling him.
This is the second time it’s happened, and we are totally baffled by it. He says it feels like someone is stabbing his left foot. And aside from the night his legs were amputated, he says it’s the worst pain yet. What a maddening, hopeless feeling to watch him endure this level of pain. I was so relieved when it went away finally and he went to sleep. I tried everything to relieve his suffering. At one point he took an entire pain pill (that typically wouldn’t help phantom pains) hoping it would just knock him out. I have to admit, we’re both a little scared of this now. What if he keeps having these attacks? That thought is just too much to bear.
We’re still waiting to get into Project Walk, and in the meantime, still doing therapy at home. Today, he had a huge break through. My hopes for him have new vigor after witnessing him walk earlier. He used his hand crutches, and took off walking down our hallway, with only a light shadowing from his buddy (I was filming.) His friend didn’t even touch him; Nick was doing it on his own! Nick only faltered once, and was quickly caught and repositioned to continue on his journey. This was definitely my favorite therapy moment to date! He’s getting stronger, and sturdier, and he WILL be fully mobile again one day. I KNOW it!