Tuesday May 8, 2012

“It’s been almost a year. I know, crazy huh? Honestly, it feels more like 10 years.” –Mr. Fener

Approaching the 1-year milestone, we’ve been talking a lot about how we’re dealing with, and how we’ve dealt with, this whole mess. There are still tears, still questions, still emotions, still disbelief, still pain. On the flip side, there are still smiles, love, friendship, progress, and hope. 

People get hurt, they get sick, and die everyday and people barely notice. When Nick was injured last year, the love and support flooded in from around the world. Friends were moving mountains to help us. I’ve often wondered why.

Why us?

I never had a clue until this afternoon. A friend posted on Facebook “fuck my life”, followed by a paragraph about how terrible his life is. I felt hideous just reading it, and in that moment, I understood why we’ve felt so special this last year. 

From the beginning, Nick and I both adopted acceptance into our hearts. We accepted what is as a starting ground for building a new life. Life was painful and overwhelming, but I never felt or presented anything that resembled the ugly “F my life” mentality. As hard as life was (and still is, sometimes), there was always hope for something better, and the knowing that time will fade the scars.

Time has faded the scars for us.

I feel like we are different people then we were last summer. And I can’t wait to meet the new Nick a year from now. He’ll be stronger, more adjusted, hopefully in less pain, and spending more time living and less time healing. 

If there is one thing that is holding us back in life right now, it’s his pain. He deals with it well, but some days it’s more than he can stand. Those are the days when life feels a little more desperate, a little more sad. When his pain is under control, life is full of hope and forward movement.

In the spinal cord injury world, we’ve heard some good things about using lithium for nerve pain. We’ve done a little research, and will be pressing his doctors to try it. If anyone has experience with lithium, we’d love to hear about it. 

Basically, something has to change, and that something is going to be his pain. The first year of Nick’s accident has been marked by shattering expectations, and caring deeply for one another, and adjusting to our new life. The second year will be full of passion, adventure, feeling good, giving back, and moving forward.