Nick was up and at ‘em for such a long time yesterday, that today became a lounge day. He was so sore all morning. If I hadn’t nagged him to death to eat dinner with me and Dan in the kitchen, he surely would have stayed in bed all day. But that’s how it goes when he pushes himself so hard. The ups and downs are just part of the game we’re playing.
Had another sobering reminder of our human mortality today. My childhood neighbor, Rose, an elderly lady even from my earliest memories, recently passed. When I heard the news today, my mind was flooded with memories of all the sweet things she did for me and my family as I was growing up. Baby sitting, fresh fruit, home made tamales. I tried to recall ever going to her as an adult and thanking her. Nothing. I have no memory of that. I haven’t seen her in years. And now that she’s gone, I wish I had told her that her kindness has stuck with me and I am truly grateful for her daily presence in my developing years. Now it’s too late. Again. This realization makes me fucking sick. What’s worse is that there are probably a dozen or more other people in my world that I have unfinished business with. And by business, I mean raw emotions, words unsaid, and relationships worthy of refurbishing. The guilt and blame of losing another person whom I haven’t fully expressed myself to, is almost too much to handle. The only question is: how do I begin? I thank God everyday that I don’t have these feelings toward Nick, and that seven months ago I didn’t have to find peace with what wasn’t said.