Wow today sucked. And honestly, that’s entirely because of our own perceptions of reality. Nothing terrible happened today. Nick didn’t get worse. He’s actually a lot better. We are just getting burned out from this whole hospital experience. And this isn’t a good hospital to “experience.”
But I’m not writing this blog to be a moan and groan fest, despite how I’m feeling inside. I could write pages about the baloney going on around here. I’d LOVE to vent right now. But I’m not. I’m not going to sit here and bitch about the little things, when I know I have the love of my life by my side, friends and family who love me, and my immediate needs met. It’s too bad, but Nick and I have both been in terrible moods all day, even though we are in a quiet, comfortable private room and had nice company earlier. He finally feels good again. Let’s get him back to therapy. Period!
The only fun thing today was looking at tile and carpet samples for our home with Sandee and Jen. Normally I would love that, but today it was stressful. Thank God we have friends in the various trade industries, and people who love Nick, who are helping us out. I can’t believe the generosity shown to us. It has truly inspired us both to be better friends and more generous with our time and money and resources.
We’ve spent a good amount of time discussing this together. We have a pretty clear idea of the people we want to become out of this. We want to be more involved in our friend’s and family’s lives. More caring, more present, more active. I have always moaned and groaned about weddings and showers and holidays. They’re just not my “thing.” Nor are they Nick’s. But they are important to other people. And after having this traumatic experience, we now understand the importance of support.
We understand how awkward it must feel to pick up the phone and call one of us. Or text. Or email. And how you just don’t know what to say to someone who just lost their legs. Trust me, I know! I’m the kind of person who will make myself emotionally sick over a friends hardship, but never get the nerve to pick up the phone and say what I’m feeling. But now I understand that it’s not about WHAT you say to a person who is dealing with great hardship, but more a matter that you reached out and said anything at all. Some of my favorite voicemails I’ve received sounded a lot like this, “Lindsay, I don’t know what to say. But I’m here. I’m so sorry.” or something like that. God, I can’t even count the number of times I wish I had had the courage to pick up the phone and say something like that to people in the last few years. So, I know. And I appreciate every single person who has reached out to us, big and small. And I’m very aware of the people who have surprised me by not reaching out. I’m hoping they just feel awkward, and that it’s not a matter of not caring. Either way, I totally understand. So does Fener. We’ve been there. And basically what I’m saying is that we will never feel awkward about supporting a friend again. Because now we understand how critical it really is. I would be drowning if it weren’t for family and friends. So thank you!
We spent from 9am til 9pm trying to get back to the rehab center. It didn’t happen. BUT, everything is in order for us to return to rehab tomorrow morning. Yay!! Taking steps in the right direction feels so good!